Category Archives: X-Men
6 Things I Want to See in the Inevitable MCU X-Men Reboot
The seemingly impossible has happened and Marvel Studios has acquired the movie-making rights to the X-Men from Fox. Dark Phoenix came out two weeks ago to thundering boos, signaling the end of nearly 20 years of X-Men movies as we know them. Now, in a few short years, Marvel Studios will try their hand at rebooting the X-Men into the Marvel Cinematic Universe.
I am perfectly fine with this.
It was a simpler time
I have gone on record several times stating that I did not want the X-Men to join the MCU. We didn’t need them. The Avengers were doing just fine on their own! But Endgame has come and gone and Marvel is going to need new and exciting properties, so I can live with bringing the X-Men on board. I even had a couple ideas for how Marvel could make it happen organically. Also, fair warning, this whole list turned into a lot of very specific ways I would write the X-Men movie myself…sorry about that. I got a little carried away.
Anyway, in the shadow of Dark Phoenix, here are six things I want to see in Marvel Studios’ eventual MCU version of the X-Men! It worked for Spider-Man, after all!
6 Mutants Who Would Have Been Better than Dangerous Dreadlocks Guy
I saw Dark Phoenix last weekend and it’s fine. It wasn’t a trainwreck — pun intended — and it wasn’t a masterpiece. It was just another perfectly fine and generic X-Men film; mildly entertaining with some solid special effects. I’m not going to do a full review of the film because I really only have two thoughts: I can’t wait for Marvel to do it better, and I’m still annoyed whenever these films fill out their mutant ranks with movie-original nobodies.
Look! I managed to find a picture of him online!
Who the hell was Dangerous Dreadlocks Guy? According to IMDB, his name is “Ariki”, but that means nothing. He’s not from the comics. Reading the internet tells me this character was supposed to be “Red Lotus” from the comics, but nobody’s ever heard of Red Lotus, and the character in the movie bares no resemblance to Red Lotus anyway.
The X-Men movies were always doing this. It’s insane. Remember the guy who threw spikes in The Last Stand? Or the guy who’s arms would regrow when Wolverine cut them off from The Last Stand? Or the various nameless student characters in the background, like that kid who could change the channels without looking or the kid with the blue tongue in X2?
What I’m saying is: there are hundreds of available mutant characters in the X-Men comics. Why did the movies insist on creating no-name nobodies to fill supporting roles? To let off this steam, here’s a list of mutants who could have been used instead of Dangerous Dreadlocks Guy.
Hench-Sized Comic Book Reviews – 6/1/19
This was the week that DC Comics upended their entire comics line with a bunch of stuff! Doomsday Clock! The Last Knight on Earth! Leviathan Rising! And I read none of it. I wonder if that makes me a bad comic book fan…
I did read a bunch of other relatively enjoyable comics — though the latest and last issue of X-23 has made an enemy for life. Beyond that, the Comic Book of the Week was the new issue of Giant-Man! Leah Williams is doing everything right in my eyes in all of her comics.
Not all superheroics are glamorous
Meanwhile, speaking of Leah Williams, X-Tremists had another strong issue as it starts to delve into the erasure of homosexual feelings in the Age of X-Man…Except that I guess the whole overall world starts to fall apart at the end of the issue, so this whole crossover is coming to an end before Leah Williams will get much of a chance to really play in the space. I know Jonathan Hickman is coming back to remake the X-Men from top to bottom, but surely Marvel can make room for a Leah Williams’ solo Blob comic…
Comic Reviews: Giant-Man #2, Heroes in Crisis #9, Magnificent Ms. Marvel #3 and X-23 #12.
The Worst Thing to Ever Happen in Comics Has Just Happened
I don’t even know if I have the guts to share this with you good people. It has rocked me to my core. I realize that comic books are an always-changing landscape, that the only constant is change. But this new change in the last issue of X-23 is something I cannot abide.
Gabby has changed her name from “Honey Badger” to “Scout”.
Is nothing sacred anymore? Does nothing matter? Have we not souls? Why has Marvel Comics forsaken us like this?
Gabby is a great character, full of fun energy and youthful spirit. And as a clone twice removed from Wolverine, when she was given the name “Honey Badger”, it was like the clouds parted and all was right with the world. It was the most perfectly crafted codename in the history of comic books. It was like we didn’t even know a part of Gabby was missing when we read her adventures in All-New Wolverine, and then the name was revealed and it fit so perfectly that all was right with the world.
But now she’s abandoning that name in favorite of “Scout” and I want to cry out to the uncaring Heavens that we have been forsaken. Scout?! Are you kidding me? What a stupid and boring name! It’s worse than Laura switching from Wolverine back to X-23. Scout?! It doesn’t mean anything!!
What’s even worse is that this change comes at the very end of the very last issue of the current X-23 comic. It’s been a relatively fun comic these past 12 issues, but I assume it’s being cancelled for a reason. So it’s not like “Scout” is going to even use her new name. Can you not just accept cancellation with some dignity? Must you claw and scratch at every good thing on your way out, scarring something beautiful before you go?
This is like graffiti on the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel. As if someone had knocked the head off the statue of David.
Why don’t we just set the Mona Lisa on fire while we’re at it?
Scout?! What the fuck.
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Hench-Sized Comic Book Reviews – 5/25/19
Man, there are a ton of really great, meaningful comics this week. Nothing that really got me on the edge of my seat, more like just a bunch of deeply foundational, character-driven comics that really play up with the deep benches these comics have developed. I love that!
Comic Book of the Week was hard to decide, because both Unstoppable Wasp and Tony Stark – Iron Man had such strong issues. But I’m going to give it to the new issue of Runaways, for a wonderful, character-driven issue with a lot of good drama and humor!
New member already making himself useful!
Meanwhile, Unbeatable Squirrel Girl is coming to an end! What a damn shame! Ryan North is ending the comic on his terms because it’s what he wants to do, this isn’t a cancellation. But still. Man. What a total bummer. That comic is brilliant! I’m gonna have to save up and buy all the tpbs just to double own the comic!
Double meanwhile, Tom King is getting kicked off Batman before he can finish his epic story. I’m sorry to hear that! King’s Batman has been my favorite Batman comic in a long time. I think it’s great! I’m always surprised to read online that people don’t like it.
Comic Reviews: Action Comics #1011, Mr & Mrs X #11, Runaways #21, Tony Stark – Iron Man #11 and Unstoppable Wasp #8.
Henchman-4-Hire 