The X-Men Assembly Line
This is bugging me more than it should. It’s been bugging me all week as Marvel has slowly revealed the roster of their newest X-Men comic. I just want to write this down so I can refer back to this article as many times as I might need to as it keeps repeating in the years to come.
This week, Marvel unveiled the lineup of the new Astonishing X-Men comic by revealing two characters at a time over the course of several days — even though they didn’t do this when they announced the rest of the ResurrXion comics. For some reason, this one is super special.
The full title, lineup and premise was revealed on Thursday.
There are more details at Marvel.com.
The reason this has been bugging me is because of something I’m going to call ‘The X-Men Assembly Line’. This is where Marvel takes the X brand, adds any one of a number of available suffixes, adds a random adjective at the top and then assembles a random assortment of perfectly ordinary X-characters and calls it a complete comic.
Look at that roster and tell me that couldn’t also qualify as Uncanny X-Men or Extraordinary X-Men or X-Force or Uncanny X-Force or X-Factor or Wolverine and the X-Men or any other possible X-title?
They have been doing this like clockwork every year or two for what has probably been forever, but what feels really common in the past few years.
They already have it planned for 2017.
They did it in 2015.
They did it in 2013.
They did it in 2011.
They did it in 2008.
I’m pretty sure it’s been happening nonstop since at least E is for Extinction in 2001.
It’s the same thing, over and over again. Marvel just churns them out. Slap a bunch of characters together, call it an X-Men comic and let a writer or two putter around for a year or so. Throw in some classic villains. Maybe a random romance while they’re at it. Remember when Iceman and Kitty Pryde were a couple? Remember when we had two, simultaneous versions of X-Force? Remember when Rogue put together a team with Mystique, Sabertooth and Lady Mastermind?
I just want stability. I want team rosters to matter and character relationships to exist beyond a single writer’s whims. When was the last time we had a new character relationship as interesting or as exciting as Scott and Emma? When was the last time any of the X-Men characters actually developed a fun and meaningful friendship with another?
I just want X-Men comics to be good again.
I also wouldn’t mind if Multiple Man and/or Mimic showed up in one of these random rosters for once!
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The Ending To Inhumans vs. X-Men Is Worse Than I Could Have Imagined
Oh, dear lord. How has it come to this? Everything that could have gone wrong in the finale of Inhumans vs. X-Men goes wrong in the new issue. A violent sect of religious extremists are given all the credit and hailed as heroes. The legitimate good guys are shamed and retreat with their tails between their legs. And even that turdburglar Young Cyclops gets a moment to be even more of a sanctimonious prick.
And on top of all that, no Strong Guy!
And so my Strong Guy Watch has ended
I try not to let comic book stories bug me as much any more. I don’t want to come off like the typical Comic Book Guy, getting all heated over these funny books. But man, nothing raises my ire more than Marvel grinding their supremely awesome Cyclops storyline into the mud. For years there, they were telling the most exciting, nuanced and brilliant X-Men story in a long time. Renegade Cyclops was like reading gold.
But Inhumans vs. X-Men is the final indignant boot heel into all that good will. Cyclops is dead, his legacy rotten to the core, and Medusa gets to be the pretty, pretty princess superhero that Marvel wants.
This is madness.
Join me after the jump! Full SPOILERS for Inhumans vs. X-Men #6.
6 Ideas for the X-Men Movies After Logan
I saw Logan last weekend and enjoyed the movie, though I wasn’t blown away or anything of the like. Maybe the film would have been more impactful if I hadn’t been so disappointed with recent X-Men films. They’ve become a mess of time travel and alternate timelines, so there hasn’t really been a solid, emotional connection to Hugh Jackman’s Wolverine or Patrick Stewart’s Professor X for a few years now.
Still, it was a fine, enjoyable movie. The real question is where the X-Men go from here.
So dramatic
Logan was the last franchise performance for Hugh Jackman and Patrick Stewart, two mainstays of the X-Men movies since the very beginning. It’s a pretty conclusive movie and, in a better world, might mark the entire end of the franchise. But nope! Fox Studios has several X-plates spinning at the moment. The franchise has to go somewhere after Logan, no matter how final it seemed.
I happen to have a few ideas on that! Join me after the jump!
The Greatest Analysis of the LEGO Detroit Steel Set You Will Ever Read
Hear me out on this one. I’m not a toy critic. This isn’t a review. I’m just a guy who likes giggling at the weird details of the world. And the Detroit Steel LEGO set definitely counts. I’ve been obsessing about this toy since it was first announced, and since I had the day off from work on Monday, I decided to go out and pick it up at Walmart. Wasn’t too expensive, and it actually adds to the collection of LEGO superhero mech-suits I’ve been putting together.
I spent hard earned money on this
So it’s a fine LEGO set. No complaints. Fun to build. Nice to have.
But the devil is in the details. I would love to know the thought process that went into putting this LEGO set together and picking out all the individual elements. None of them go together, either in comic, film or television. It’s a weird mishmash of ideas. How does that get designed?
Granted, none of this matters and I’m only poking at air. Who cares that the new LEGO set doesn’t hold up to rigorous comic book scrutiny? I can almost guarantee this article will not have any significant bearing on your day. There are probably a million better things I could be doing with my day and/or life.
But I can promise that this will be the greatest, most intense critique of the LEGO Detroit Steel Strikes! playset that you’re ever going to read! Join me after the jump!
It’s Monday Fun Day!
Let’s kick this week off with a bit of fun! Internet superstar The Unusual Suspect has rejiggered Star Wars: The Force Awakens into the style of the latest Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2 trailer. It’s great!
This guy is an awesome genius. I wish I had skills to edit videos like this. Then I’d be a popular Internet personality!
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Henchman-4-Hire 