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Just my freakin’ luck…

The big news today is that Disney has gone ahead and bought the Fox entertainment division. It’s all over the news. Here’s a big link explaining it all. This is a huge deal, most importantly for me and you because it means the X-Men and Fantastic Four are now under the control of Marvel Studios. At long last, these two major franchises can join the Marvel Cinematic Universe! Just in time for the Avengers actors to retire now that their contracts are up!

Of course, knowing my luck, this big news — years in the making — has only arrived after Fox announced a freakin’ Multiple Man movie! Come on!

Madrox Movie 09

You had hope, but that’s gone now

Multiple Man is my all-time favorite superhero and comic book character. The idea that Fox would devote resources to a full-on Multiple Man solo movie was impossible to imagine only a few short weeks ago. But then Fox goes ahead and announces that James Franco is going to make the movie and star. It’s a literal dream come true, and for the first time in my life, I was glad that the X-Men are their own separate film entity and can make movies like Multiple Man.

So of course, immediately after this movie announcement, Disney finally gets the rights back for the X-Men in movies.

God dammit. This is just my freakin’ luck!

And just like when Disney acquired Star Wars and shut down the various video games and TV shows in production, I have to imagine they’re going to put a lot of in-development X-Men projects on the cutting block. And the Multiple Man movie is in its infancy, so there’s no reason to let it go forward.

Of course this is all happening. I just can’t have nice things.

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The 6 Characters in My Fantastic Four

Welcome to Comic-Con Week! The party is down in San Diego, but I’m still here in Central New York, doin’ my thang. Someday I’ll be at the big show, but until then, I’m gonna have some fun on my blog. In what has become a fun tradition here at Henchman-4-Hire, it’s time to pick a superhero dream team!

This year, I’m going to tackle the Fantastic Four! I’ve never been a diehard fan of the team, but I think I have some neat ideas. In the past, I’ve done the X-Men, Avengers, Justice League, Teen Titans, X-Force and even the Sinister Six. But today I’m all about the Four!

They will never have a good movie in my lifetime

You’d think the Fantastic Four list would be easy. Heck, you might even take umbrage with the fact that I’m making a List of SIX out of the Fantastic FOUR. Well, don’t worry, friends, because I think I’ve got some solid ideas. Unlike most superhero teams, the Fantastic Four rarely change their roster. They tend to stick with Mr. Fantastic, the Invisible Woman, the Human Torch and the Thing. It’s a solid family dynamic and has served the comic well for decades. But every once and awhile, Marvel likes to shake-up the line-up and try some new stories.

If I was hired to write the Fantastic Four and had cart blanche to do and write whatever I wanted, this would be my Fantastic Four roster.

And feel free to join me in the comments with your own fantasy Fantastic Four!

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I Still Haven’t Seen Fan4stic

I’m pretty sure all movie critics and moviegoers did this job for them, but Cinema Sins has gotten around to finding Everything Wrong with the new Fantastic Four. At least now I can say I’ve seen enough of the movie to not have to watch it for real.

Yep, that movie seems as bad as everyone said. That’s good enough for me! Poor Fantastic four, they get no respect.

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6 Other Fantastic Four Failures

I haven’t seen the new Fant4stic movie yet, and I don’t think I will at this point. I never had high hopes for this thing, but based on the reviews and all the behind-the-scenes scuttlebutt, it looks like this thing was doomed from the start. And honestly? Good. The Fantastic Four are being offered up as a sacrifice in the war between Marvel and Fox.

FOX has already said they’re moving ahead with the sequel; the spite is strong

I honestly don’t care if Marvel ever gets the rights back to these characters. The Fantastic Four are toxic thanks to four really crappy movies. Even if it would be great marketing to add the Fantastic Four to Phase 4 of the Marvel Cinematic Universe, I kind of hope it just doesn’t happen. Let this movie be a final nail in the coffin.

And just for fun, I decided to put together a List of Six of the first few nails in that coffin. This Fant4stic movie is not the only failed adaptation the Marvel’s First Family has ever seen. Join me after the jump, if you dare!

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Fantastic Four Getting Eviscerated All Up In This Place!

Reviews are pouring in for the new Fantastic Four movie, and they’re not good. Looks like the film is probably as bad as we all assumed it would be. I haven’t seen it yet, and I’m not sure if I’ll have the time this weekend. But man, how disappointing.

Of course, let’s not forget how terrible the first Fantastic Four movies were!

Thanks, Screen Junkies, we all needed that reminder. And let us never forget that ‘Hemi’ line in the second one. Ugh.

Let’s hope this film is the final nail in the coffin for Fox’s Fantastic Four plans — although we all know it probably won’t be. Like they care at all about the sanctity of the franchise. They probably hate Marvel as much as Marvel hates them. I can see Fox holding on to the movie rights out of pure spite at this point. They did announce a sequel already, I highly doubt they’re going to cancel.

Ah well. Such is life.

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