The 6 Coolest Cat Superheroes
Ever since my blog started getting more popular, I’ve received a lot of e-mails from SEO people who want me to hire them to get more Google hits. Search Engine Optimization, I believe it’s called. Even if I had money, I wouldn’t do it, because I’m comfortable letting my blog grow naturally (Tell your friends! Share on Facebook!). However, I am not opposed to giving the people what they want. And what they want on the Internet is cats.
I love cats as much as the next person. If you want a surefire way to get me to laugh, just show me one of those Youtube videos of the ‘talking’ cats. Oh long Johnson! Hehe. But anyway! What better way to drive up my readership than by combining cats and superheroes? They go together like cats and cardboard boxes. So here are the six snazziest comic book characters who like to get in touch with their feline side.
What would comic books be without scantily clad women? And what would Marvel and DC be if they didn’t have each other to cheat off of? Both comic book companies have a character who is essentially just a hot, naked cat lady, the only difference being that Marvel’s Tigra is based on a tiger (and usually has the decency to wear a bikini, at least), while DC’s Cheetah is based on a cheetah. Real creative there. Tigra is a member of the heroic Avengers, so maybe we’ll get to see her in the movie threequel. Cheetah is one of Wonder Woman’s arch enemies, so we’ll probably never see her on screen because nobody can manage to make a Wonder Woman movie or TV show for some reason. Stupid Warner Bros.
I am a huge fan of the indie comic book gem Empowered, about a shy, self conscious superheroine who is constantly losing her powers whenever her super-costume gets torn. Writer and artist Adam Warren was always getting requests from fans to draw superheroines being tied up by the bad guys, so he went ahead and created Emp, a superheroine who’s always getting bound and gagged. Different strokes for different folks, I suppose. Ocelotina started out as a damsel in distress who Emp tried – and failed – to rescue. After they were both tied up and held hostage, Ocelotina had the great idea to make a living out of kidnapping Emp and filming her in bondage. She came up with a cute cat theme for her new super-villain identity, kidnapped Emp and started selling the videos online. Because some people will pay good morning for that sort of thing, as Warren knew quite well.
The cat who was a magician, and also a superhero. Not to mention that pun-licious name! Alley-Kat-Abra is a member of the Zoo Crew alongside Captain Carrot, living in a world of anthropomorphic animals. It’s more common than you think. The Zoo Crew are a typically comedic sort of team, and Alley-Kat-Abra is their resident magician. Kind of like Zatanna from the Justice League. Forget talking cat videos, now I want to see cats doing magic tricks. The Internet is ripe for that!
3. Black Cat
Why did Peter Parker ever settle for Mary Jane Watson when he could have had the Black Cat? Costumed thief Felicia Hardy was something of an action junky whenever she squeezed into a black leather jumpsuit with fuzzy white trimming and apparently a broken zipper. She liked stealing almost as much as she liked teasing Spider-Man. Fortunately, Peter Parker isn’t a complete square, and the two of them hooked up in a wild, rooftop romance. But girls like the Black Cat don’t like to settle down, and Felicia wanted nothing to do with the boring, unmasked Peter Parker. She only wanted him if the costumes stayed on. Now that’s kinky.
Catman is exactly who you think he is. He’s basically Batman, only with cats. I know that sounds kind of lame, and for awhile it was. Thomas Blake was a total super-villain loser, with the silliest of names and I think some kind of magic cape that granted him nine lives, or some crap. But then writer extraordinaire Gail Simone came along and asked, “What if Catman were actually awesome?” In a little comic book called Secret Six, Simone turned Catman into one of the most macho, badass, costumed warriors to ever grace the funny pages. She took the broken loser that was Catman and reforged him like a blacksmith into a new champion of kitty cats everywhere! You will find no cooler cat than Catman. Unless you consider…
We all know that Anne Hathaway won the Oscar this year for her performance in Les Miserables, but can’t we all just pretend she won it for playing Catwoman in The Dark Knight Rises? I know I will. And I’d like to think she does too. Hathaway was fantastic as the sultry, costumed thief who managed to steal the heart of Batman himself. But better than that, Catwoman is one of those great characters who can stand (or land) on her own two feet. She may have started out as a Batman villain, but she’s had her own comic book series for years as a sexy anti-hero. She even had her own mov–wait, no. Let’s not go there. Catwoman is the coolest and the cutest kitty in all of comics.