The 6 Best Bird Superheroes
That’s right, it’s come to this: bird-themed superheroes. Everybody loves birds, right? They can fly, so that puts them one-up on us puny humans. They’ve got feathers, which are pretty neat. They poop everywhere. And I do mean everywhere. Birds. They’re…well they’re birds.
And apparently they make for solid superhero inspiration!
I’ve already tackled sports, fire, ice, cats and Canandians in my Lists of Six, why not birds? Cats eat birds, so it kind of comes full circle. And if jetpacks are never invented, some kind of bird-harness would be our next best bet for flying – though I’m sure our arms will get tired! Zing! Anyway, bird superheroes are a thing, and at least six of them are better than all the rest!
6. Red Robin
I stick to the idea that Robin named himself after Robin Hood, but there’s no denying that bright red vest! That’s why he wears bright red when fighting crime in Gotham City, people, because he knows how to commit to a theme. Now, some of you may argue that Robin should be higher on the list, even this new Red Robin version. Isn’t he the most famous bird superhero? But the Boy Wonder doesn’t come close when it comes to bird superheroes. He barely has wings, and those are only a new addition. Being bird-themed is more of a coincidence for Robin than an actual motivation. He could take a few pointers about sticking to animal-themes from his boss.
5. Black Condor
From Red Robin to Black Condor, DC really knows how to name a superhero. And check this guy out! Now this is a bird-themed superhero! Look at that guy! He knows birds! Any superhero who cares enough to paint his face is one dedicated person. It’s only too bad Black Condor is one of the most backwater superheroes ever. The guy can barely count himself as a member of the Freedom Fighters, for crying out loud. And he’s been through one gritty reboot after another. But he nailed the wings, and for that I salute him.
4. Hawk and Dove
Hawk and Dove, get it? It’s a war and peace reference! Hawk is all bluster and punches. Dove is soft and wimpy. Somehow they make a good superhero team with color-coded costumes, though the ‘good’ part is debatable Maybe when they’re not drawn by Rob Liefeld… Hawk and Dove are the sort of superheroes who would fit perfectly in some kind of superhero parody based on their name puns alone, but they are legit characters who have been around since the 60s (when arguments about war or peace were more prevalent).
Meet Marvel’s Batman. Seriously, it’s that simple. Back in the early 70s, Marvel had the great plan to pit the Avengers against the Justice League, but in a way that wouldn’t get them sued. So they created a bunch of knock-off heroes, like Hyperion (Superman), Doctor Spectrum (Green Lantern) and Whizzer (Flash), and named them the Squadron Supreme. They weren’t expected to last, but somehow, Nighthawk and his ilk have hung around. Nighthawk was even a pretty prominent member of the Defenders! He makes birds respectable. Plus he was smart to add the word ‘night’ on the front. That’s creative thinking, because ‘nights’ are cool. Just imagine if he was called ‘Nightbat’ instead of ‘Batman’, I think his popularity would be even greater!
The granddaddy of bird superheroes! Hawkman has done it all and seen it all. He’s the crotchety old man telling younger superheroes to get off his lawn. I’d go into his origin story, but it’s so messed up that none of you would understand – I don’t even understand! But all you need to know about Hawkman is in the above picture. He wears a hawk helmet and a pair of wings, and punches people with a mace. Boom! Instant superhero! The guy could literally be anything, but he chose a hawk, because that’s how awesome he is!
But Hawkman is an old coot! If you want an up and coming all-star, look no further than Marvel’s Falcon! Not only was he the break-out star of Captain America 2: The Winter Soldier this year, but he’s about to become Captain America in the comics! You don’t see Hawkman taking over for Superman, do you? Heck no! Falcon is the kind of superhero who doesn’t let his powers or costume handicap him in any way. Dude knows how awesome it is to fly, and he’s not afraid to flaunt that. Falcon hangs out with the likes of Iron Man and Captain America when all he can do is flap his mechanical wings (and talk to birds, he can totally talk to birds!). Here’s hoping for an Age of Ultron cameo!
So who are your favorite bird superheroes? Was there anyone I was forgetting? Kestrel, maybe? Does anybody remember Kestrel?
And I hope beyond all hope that somebody got this joke.