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Just a Little Bit More Snake Eyes

Snake Eyes: G.I. Joe Origins is due in theaters this weekend. I’m going to go see it, because my movie theater is open, I’m vaccinated and the crowds haven’t been too big (other than for Black Widow). Will it be good? Yeah, maybe! Will it kick off a whole new G.I. Joe franchise built around Henry Golding’s Snake Eyes? God willing!

I have mellowed a bunch in my old age and it doesn’t bug me as much that we both see Snake Eyes’ face and he talks in this film. That’s fine. Maybe by the end he’ll be the traditional masked mute, but I wouldn’t die if that didn’t happen. I’m hoping this is good and a new franchise is possible. Why not? What else are we saving G.I. Joe for? Military-based action movies are a dime a dozen. Why not have a franchise where all of the gruff military dudes are unique, wacky characters? And of them is an awesome, masked ninja?

Snake Eyes: G.I. Joe Origins will be in theaters on Friday and this weekend!


Welp, the Snake Eyes Movie Has Won Me Over

Snake Eyes: G.I. Joe Origins is only a couple of weeks away and it has won me over. I’ve been relatively skeptical about this film for a while, not entirely sure why the G.I. Joe franchise needed a spin-off out of the blue like this. But then the people at Paramount went and made a commercial that speaks to my very soul.

Just wonderful. Leaning into the 1980s G.I. Joe cartoon and action figures for your self-referential promotional material? Just hook it to my veins!

Snake Eyes comes to theaters on July 23 and you best believe I’m gonna see it!


6 Other G.I. Joes Who Need Origins Movies

Beyond all common sense, we’re getting a solo Snake Eyes movie as part of some larger G.I. Joe Origins branding. Don’t get me wrong, I love Snake Eyes as much as the next 80s kid. But after two relatively failed big screen G.I. Joe movies, it feels weird to randomly get this Snake Eyes film out of nowhere.

What about the rest of the Joes?

Snake Eyes needs other people around to look the coolest

For all I know, this Snake Eyes movie might be a huge hit. Maybe everybody loves the ninja action and the cool black costume and this kicks off a whole new G.I. Joe franchise. The movie does feature the likes of Scarlett and the Baroness. Maybe Snake Eyes: G.I. Joe Origins will be the start of an entirely new cinematic universe. And we’ll get a bunch of Origins movies before building to a united, rebooted G.I. Joe! Stranger things have happened.

So what the heck! Let’s have some fun reminiscing about the 80s! Join me after the jump for six other G.I. Joe characters who could use Origins movies.

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The Snake Eyes Movie is a Gamble

Man, I just don’t know what to make of the upcoming Snake Eyes movie. I’ll grant you that I haven’t been connected to G.I. Joe canon since the 1980s, so how really knows what makes that franchise tick in the 21st century. But is this it? Is this really it?

It’s a clear ninja warrior movie…but peppered with various characters and references to the wider G.I. Joe universe. But does those connections work? The trailer namedrops “COBRA” but never mentions G.I. Joe. And then Snake Eyes’ pretty face is all over the place, and even though he talks, he still has very little to say.

Snake Eyes: G.I. Joe Origins is going to be a weird, weird ride when it hits theaters on July 23.


A Snake Eyes Movie Defeats the Point

Snake Eyes is my favorite G.I. Joe, which is not some shocking revelation. Isn’t Snake Eyes everybody’s favorite G.I. Joe? The point is, part of me is excited about this movie. While another part of me will rightfully point out that Snake Eyes was cool because he was this silent, faceless, mystery ninja! That was his whole deal, and he stood out in the crowded Joe field.

But for reasons known only to the franchise gods, we’re getting Snake Eyes: G.I. Joe Origins.

This teaser trailer looks coolish. Could be fun some fight scenes. Henry Golding is a cool guy. A couple other classic Joe characters will be appearing. And they’re following the tradition of mixing martial arts with hip hop. Good stuff.

But the sheer lunacy of this movie existing is really something to think about. The first two G.I. Joe movies didn’t exactly set the world on fire, and they had their own Snake Eyes. Is this movie a prequel to those movies? I don’t think so and I hope not. But then is this movie going to spark a whole new franchise of G.I. Joe films? Are we going to get “Origins” movies for Bazooka and Duke and Falcon and Tunnel Rat and Tollbooth and Chuckles and Lady Jaye? Honestly, I would be completely in favor of this, especially if Hollywood then teams them all up for an Avengers-style film.

Whatever the future brings, we are getting a movie about Snake Eyes’ no-longer-mysterious origin on July 23.


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