6 Other G.I. Joes Who Need Origins Movies
Beyond all common sense, we’re getting a solo Snake Eyes movie as part of some larger G.I. Joe Origins branding. Don’t get me wrong, I love Snake Eyes as much as the next 80s kid. But after two relatively failed big screen G.I. Joe movies, it feels weird to randomly get this Snake Eyes film out of nowhere.
What about the rest of the Joes?
For all I know, this Snake Eyes movie might be a huge hit. Maybe everybody loves the ninja action and the cool black costume and this kicks off a whole new G.I. Joe franchise. The movie does feature the likes of Scarlett and the Baroness. Maybe Snake Eyes: G.I. Joe Origins will be the start of an entirely new cinematic universe. And we’ll get a bunch of Origins movies before building to a united, rebooted G.I. Joe! Stranger things have happened.
So what the heck! Let’s have some fun reminiscing about the 80s! Join me after the jump for six other G.I. Joe characters who could use Origins movies.
COBRA is just as worthy of a movie as the Joes. But Cobra Commander isn’t interesting. Let’s go with Destro and find out the secret origin of his weird silver face. He’s often linked with the Baroness, so she can carry over from the Snake Eyes movie. And then you’ve got the story of a Scottish aristocrat and weapons manufacturer who joins a radical terrorist group. And somehow that results in that silver face covering. Surely that connection deserves/requires a whole movie to show us what happens.
Look, I’ll be straight with you, characters like Duke and Falcon couldn’t be more boring. There’s a reason Duke was killed off for the second G.I. Joe movie. So let’s have some fun with these Origins movies. And Chuckles is fun right in the name! The G.I. Joe in the Hawaiian shirt, Chuckles is actually the undercover agent. He poses as a COBRA mook while actually working for the Joes. That sounds like a neat plot for a movie, right?
If ninjas are all the rage after the success of Snake Eyes and then Shang-Chi in September, it would make sense to make another Origins movie about another G.I. Joe ninja. And since Storm Shadow is in the Snake Eyes movie, that leaves Jinx! She’s the red one. And she’s a woman, which will add some much needed diversity to the Origins line. Women deserve to have their own ninja action movies too!
His name is “Bazooka” and he carries around a Bazooka. It’s great! He also dresses in a sports jersey, which makes him relatable. And he’s got that beautiful mustache. All of these things come together for a must-see movie experience, if you’re building a G.I. Joe cinematic universe. They’ve got to find room for a straight comedy in this universe somewhere, right?
2. The Fridge
Unconventional choice, I know, but hear me out: what if one of the cinematic universe movies was just a straight biopic about a real person, and then the biopic transforms into a G.I. Joe tie-in at some point in the film? How insanely cool would that be?! William “The Refrigerator” Perry was a real football player in the NFL, helping the Chicago Bears to win their first Super Bowl in his rookie year. He was one of only a handful of real people to be drafted into the Joes. So…yeah! Make a biopic about William “The Refrigerator” Perry and then have him join the G.I. Joes at some point in the movie. It’s a brilliant idea! You can even throw in Captain Grid-Iron, the fictional G.I. Joe character who was football themed. He can be the glue that holds this madness together.
1. Sgt. Slaughter
The only thing more brilliant than a Fridge biopic transitioning into a G.I. Joe movie is to do the same damn thing for Sgt. Slaughter instead! This WWE wrestler turned larger-than-life legend would be the perfect choice for a truly crazy film. Maybe not make it a straight biopic, but definitely skirt reality a little bit as you tell the story of the hardest drill instructor in G.I. Joe history. Throw in The Renegades mercenary team that he commanded in his free time and you’ve got the focal point of your cinematic universe right here! I’m sure the WWE would love another crack at making movies.