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You-Know-Who is Finally Back in Spider-Man Comics — About a Decade Too Late!

There was a big, huge, super crazy and explosive character twist in the latest issue of the Clone Conspiracy, writer Dan Slott’s latest Spider-Man event comic. This was the sort of reveal that would crack the Internet in half!

Santa Claus is a scientist

Santa Claus is a scientist

And had it happened 10 years ago, I would probably be over the moon. But as it is, I’m mostly meh about the twist. It couldn’t have happened at a more boring time. And I’m filled with little but dread at the future possibilities.

I don’t want to spoil the reveal in case somebody really super cares, so join me after the jump for the real discussion.

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Doctor Octopus Should Have Gotten a New Body

Doctor Octopus is back from the dead in the pages of Clone Conspiracy, and I think they should have given him a new, studlier body. Chubby may be classic, but this is a new century. Spruce this guy up.

Makes quite the first impression

Makes quite the first impression

So I bet you’re wondering how Doc Ock is back from the dead, right? Well, this is where things get kind of weird and very comic booky. This is only Doctor Octopus by a weird stretch of comic book science. The ‘original’ Doctor Octopus died when he sacrificed his life at the end of Superior Spider-Man, the best writing of Dan Slott’s tenure on Spider-Man.

Before he died, and before he became the sort of man who would make a heroic sacrifice, Doc Ock made a digital copy of his brain and put it in computer storage to wake up in the event of his eventual death. This digital copy of Doc Ock spent a while in the Living Brain robot before he orchestrated the purchase of his original dead body by the Jackal, who used his new cloning technique to make a new Doc Ock body.

But rather than the usual cloned pod person mind taking control of the body, the digital doctor invaded the brain and took over.

So Doctor Octopus is now the combination of a cloned body and a digital brain scan from before he died. Such are comics.

He even went back to the old, dumb costume

He even went back to the old, dumb costume

I bring this up because, in my opinion, Marvel should have mad Doctor Octopus hotter.

As you can see from the pictures, his cloned body is the same chubby Doc Ock we’ve always known, with the same dumb bowl cut hairstyle. If you’re cloning a body, even rapidly cloning the body, why would it have that haircut? And since Doc Ock is a master of switching brains, why not have the Jackal produce him a genetically manipulated slender/muscular body?

I bring all this up not just because I want a svelte, sexy Doc Ock, but because body image was a major aspect of Superior Spider-Man. Slott spent a lot of time playing with the fact that Doc Ock went from that old, chubby body to the young, muscular body of Spider-Man. For the first time, he was handsome and in shape, and this was a huge boost to Otto’s self-confidence. He even got an awesome girlfriend!

Anna Maria Marconi is the best new Spider-Man character since Phil Urich

Anna Maria Marconi is the best new Spider-Man character since Phil Urich

In the story where this digital doctor came back, he even remarked how he wanted to just take over Peter Parker’s body again because it’s an awesome body.

So with all of that build-up, why throw it away just to go back to the classic Doctor Octopus?

Granted, making him a younger, fitter Doc Ock with better hair reeks of pandering. But in this instance, it would work for the story and the character. Otto had a taste of being young, handsome and fit, and I would think he would want that again when cloning a new body.

Yes, everybody loves classic Doctor Octopus, but for the sake of the story and his character growth, I think Marvel should have cloned him a slimmer, younger body, and he should have given himself a better haircut. If he wants to win back Anna Maria, looking handsome would be a good first step — not that she’d take him back, she’s not that shallow, but still.

Considering Spider-Man’s long history of romance, Otto Octavius and Anna Maria Marconi is the best love story Spidey comics have seen in years.

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Hench-Sized Comic Book Reviews – 10/29/16

Happy Halloween, everyone! Or close enough! Sadly, there weren’t any spooky comics on my pile this week. It’s like everybody forgot about the holiday! Though I suppose the fact that the greatest comic book Halloween story has already been written might deter others from trying. Oh well.

Still, at least we had some good comics this week from some of my favorites. Power Rangers, Ms. Marvel and Detective Comics were all a blast. This week also saw the debuts of the new Prowler series from Marvel and the new Teen Titans from DC. You’d think I’d be super psyched about both of those things, but you would be wrong. Comic Book of the Week instead goes to the new Silver Surfer for a particularly fun and enjoyable done-in-one story.

The Silver Surfer knows the best dates

The Silver Surfer knows the best dates

The latest issue of Civil War II also came out this week, but ugh, that thing is a definite stinker now. And I’m starting to fear the sort of impact it’s going to have on other, more fun comics. Will Miles Morales come out of Civil War II as anything other than damaged? Will Captain Marvel ever be a hero again? Civil War II is barely a story, but it doesn’t seem like Marvel is ever going to learn any lessons about putting out crappy, long-delayed, status quo-altering event comics.

Comic Reviews: Batgirl #4, Detective Comics #943, Mighty Morphin Power Rangers #8, Ms. Marvel #12, Prowler #1, Silver Surfer #7 and Teen Titans #1. 

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