A new issue of Teen Titans, a new villain appears out of nowhere. Writer Scott Lobdell just loves introducing random villains to this series. At least this guy – with the totally pointless name of ‘Diesel’ – seems to be a catalyst for learning more about the new Wonder Girl. Not that we learn much about her or him or her Silent Armor in this issue. In fact, we don’t actually accomplish very much in this issue at all. It’s just bland fighting, followed by a tiny bit of tempting exposition, and then the issue ends just as its getting started – leaving us with a fairly melodramatic cliffhanger that would fit better in comics 20 years ago.

Teen Titans #12

The character growth of the past few issues of Teen Titans is stopped. We’re back to the mindless, ‘x-treme’ superhero action.

Comic rating: 3/5: Alright.

I can’t bring myself to call this a bad issue…mostly because I can’t work up that much interest. Teen Titans #12 is just another in a long, disappointing line of issues. Teen Titans could have been a great comic coming out of the New 52. I know it was kind of flailing prior to the reboot, but back when Geoff Johns reintroduced the teens a few years ago, Teen Titans was amazing! It was my favorite comic at the time, by far. And Johns is now one of the top guys making the decisions at DC. Surely he could have had some influence over the Teen Titans. But no, they gave it to Scott Lobdell, and he’s brought the worst of the 90s comic book problems to the title.

There’s an emphasis on mindless action over meaningful character growth. The heroes are constantly stating the obvious and explaining the scenes they are in. The comic is far more concerned with making sure there’s something ‘x-treme’ happening on every page instead of taking a moment to breath.

Teen Titans is just not a very good comic. Entertaining? Perhaps a little. Good characters? Maybe, in the right situation. But overall, this comic is just all over the place. And the only place it’s not, is with it’s characters.

We open, of all places, at a cabin in the woods. What woods? We don’t know. How did they get from Lex Tower in New York City to a random cabin in the woods? We’re never told. Yet the action picks up almost exactly where it left off last issue, with Red Robin and Superboy confronting Wonder Girl, who has been completely taken over by her armor. Apparently between the end of last issue and the start of this one, Wonder Girl calmed down long enough for Red Robin to move everyone out to this cabin in the woods, while simultaneously putting Bunker, Kid Flash and Solstice up in a random roadside motel off the Jersey Turnpike.

Only then, after all of that preparation and moving around, did the armor once again take over and Wonder Girl attacks her friends.

So is she or isn’t she in control of the armor?

She throws Superboy through a tree, which the narration describes as pain unlike anything he’s ever felt before. Wonder Girl then explains to Superboy and Red Robin that she’s losing control the longer the armor is on her body. She tells them that she’ll solve this herself, but Superboy flies at her again and explains that he’s grown fond of Cassie, and so he’s not going anywhere. Red Robin stops Superboy’s attack by telling him to “stay”, like a dog, and then Red Robin tries to appeal to Cassie’s inner strength to pull herself out of this. Red Robin even refuses to move out of her way, telling her that she’ll have to kill him if she wants him to move.

Superboy then quickly saves Red Robin from being killed and the two fly away to think up a new strategy – or at least talk about how Tim’s efforts were all about him hitting on Cassie.

Because telling her to kill him is the ultimate come on

Oh and also, we get a brief little panel and line of dialogue explaining that Tim is borrowing this cabin from Alfred Pennyworth. It’s apparently the Pennyworth family cabin, and has ‘A. Pennyworth’ written on the side of the mailbox. Are you kidding me? You can’t be serious. The Pennyworth family cabin? It’s a dilapidated, one-room cabin out in the middle of nowhere, and you’re going to tell me it’s the Pennyworth family cabin? Or that Red Robin had the time to call up Alfred and ask to use his family cabin?

It’s bad enough Lobdell already randomly moved the action out into the middle of the woods without explanation. But why come up with such a piss-poor origin for the cabin? Why even bother with an origin at all? I think the reader can accept that they’re at a cabin in the woods. The cabin itself doesn’t need to be explained. How and why they’re at the cabin, that needs to be explained…but again, it isn’t.

We cut to the other three heroes just hanging out at a motel off the Jersey Turnpike. Bunker has been laid up in bed, and only now does he wake up. So they apparently transported him while he was unconscious. Bunker is ready to go help the others, but Solstice enforces Red Robin’s order for them to remain put. I guess it keeps them out of the rest of the story, at least.

Because nobody ever disobeyed orders before

Back at the fight, Superboy dive bombs Wonder Girl, creating a large explosion that ends with him face-planted into the ground and Wonder Girl none the worse for wear. She scoffs at his silly attempt to harm her, when Red Robin reveals it was just a distraction so that he can swoop in and cut her with his wings. Because apparently his wings, made by Static, have enough power to cut armor forged by the gods. Then Superboy reveals that he was merely playin’ possum and he grabs onto Wonder Girl’s ankle. He uses the breach in her armor to insinuate his tactile telekinesis, then just kind of forces the armor off Cassie somehow. Because that’s how both his telekinesis and her armor work, apparently.

But no sooner do Tim and Conner help Cassie to her feet than they’re frozen in place by a nerve gas unleashed by Diesel!

Who apparently buys his nerve gas in intricate box form

I guess ‘Diesel’ is his first name, but it’s treated like a super-villain name. Calling him ‘Diesel’ doesn’t really have anything to do with anything. They might as well have called him Rush.

Through their dialogue, we understand that Diesel and Cassie used to be a couple, and used to raid tombs together, or something. But she ditched him after finding the Silent Armor, and he’s been tracking her ever since. So at the very least, Diesel is a villain with some importance to the Titans. Then he grabs Cassie and somehow transfers the Silent Armor to him instead. And I’ve got to admit, he looks rather badass.

Looks better than Wonder Girl, that’s for sure

I like the difference in red/gold armor for Cassie and blue/silver armor for Diesel, like the armor changes based on the desires of its new host. Diesel also looks cooler. Cassie’s golden armor always clashed with her glowing red lasso, I thought. They just didn’t work together as a look. The glow from the lasso always seemed to blur the detail that went into the golden armor.

Anyway, Diesel kind of just flies away, leaving Cassie with the Titans. Red Robin and Superboy try to get her to calm down and relax, but Cassie calls them idiots for not being more worried. Then she delivers a line that would fit perfectly back in the day when comic book covers used to have melodramatic text on them – this issue’s cover, for example.

The fate of the world is in their hands!

Dun Dun Dun!

Or Ho Hum.

Just when Diesel was actually getting cool, we get a cheesy cliffhanger. I guess that’s the point though. DC is ending a lot of their comics on cliffhangers at issue #12 to make way for the #0s next month. Don’t…don’t get me started on the #0 for Teen Titans. Apparently Lobdell took a drill to his temple and decided in his infinite wisdom to undo Tim Drake’s time as Robin. Oh he still found Bruce Wayne, still joined him as a sidekick and partner, but Tim never took the name ‘Robin’. He went straight to ‘Red Robin’ for no reason that will ever make sense other than Scott Lobdell is a moron.

Sorry, I’m getting away from myself. I’ve been holding in my opinion about this matter until I read the actual issue and can assess the damage Lodell has done to my favorite DC character for myself. Whether or not the next issue will be the last Teen Titans I ever read remains to be seen…

We’re talking about this issue, and there’s nothing to this issue. It’s basically a boring fight that reveals there is something wrong with Wonder Girl’s armor, which we already knew, and that she had an ex-boyfriend who is now a super-villain. As far as villains go for Teen Titans, Diesel may be promising, if only in the fact that he has something to do with one of the main characters, instead of just being a random nobody like all the other one-note villains. But he didn’t get to make much of an impression in this issue before he just flew off, so he still has to earn his place.

As for the Titans themselves, there was a fat lot of nothing. Three of the team were literally written out of the comic as quickly as possible. And then there was hardly any traction in the characterizations for Red Robin, Wonder Girl or Superboy. At one point Superboy teased Robin about his crush on Wonder Girl, but nothing Tim had said in the previous scene even resembled anything romantic. He was trying to talk his friend and teammate out of an evil possession. That’s what most heroes would do. And Wonder Girl doesn’t show any reciprocation. There has been very little movement on the Tim/Cassie storyline. But then there was also very little movement in any of the characterizations this issue.

And what the hell were they all suddenly doing in a cabin in the middle of the woods!?