Watch out, people, I have opinions on the internet. It would just be safer if you backed the heck up and didn’t come near me as I express these opinions in this carefully cultivated listicle on my personal corner of the information superhighway. Chief among those opinions is that I really, really enjoyed the first episode of the new She-Hulk: Attorney at Law show on Disney+.

The internet’s response to the She-Hulk show is what has prompted this list, though not every entry is going to relate back to the new MCU comedy. I’ve just seen too many complaints — as well as too many clapbacks against those complaints — and I’ve decided to express my frustrations through blogging. I have scoured my own headspace and found a bunch of things in movies and TV that seem to really rile people up, but which have zero effect on me.

Join me after the jump as I whine and whinge about dumb things other people complain about on the internet.

6. Anything considered “woke”

I know what I am. I am a fat, white, cis, het, male comic book nerd writing about geeky stuff on the internet. And I know full well what kind of person all of my characteristics point towards. But I want to state, unequivocally, that I couldn’t be further from those stereotypes. You will never, ever, see me complaining about minorities getting more representation in media. You will not see me complaining that She-Hulk is a Mary Sue or whatever the hell else those rotting assholes complain about on the internet. None of it bothers me. Give me women and Black Star Wars lead characters. Make the next MCU Avengers lineup all minorities. Put women everywhere, both in front of and behind the camera. I want as much of that as possible, and feel free to be really on the nose about it. I don’t care and it doesn’t bug me.

5. Product placement

Product placement is so ubiquitous in movies and TV that I still can’t believe people still complain about it. We all know why the product placement is there. It helps the studios fund the movie or TV show we’re watching. We want that to happen. We want the movie/show to be funded. And have you seen the real world? We are surrounded by these products! They exist in the real world, and there’s nothing wrong with them existing in these fictional worlds as well. It doesn’t matter if She-Hulk eats Cheetos, or if the Transformers become a certain brand of car, or if the Zeo Crystal is buried beneath a Krispy Kreme, or if there’s an IHOP or a Sears in Smallville. I don’t care.

4. Incorrect accents

We all speak how we speak. Lots of people have accents. And I don’t care if the accent doesn’t match the character they’re playing. It doesn’t take me out of the film if Sean Connery keeps his accent when playing a Russian submarine commander. I know there is a whole school about learning to speak with other accents, and by all means, actors should go ahead and learn that skill. But it’s not going to bother me in the least if not everybody in a fantasy film speaks with a British accent. It’s not going to bug me if a British actor playing an American slips up a couple of times. It doesn’t make or break a performance for me.

3. Substituting English for a foreign language

I’m all for making non-English movies and using subtitles. I’m not a huge fan of watching a movie with subtitles, but only because I find myself staring at the subtitles the whole time and not taking in the whole screen. That’s on me. But I also have no problem with filmmakers just substituting English for the foreign language because that just makes for an easier movie. I don’t mind if aliens speak English. I don’t mind if the Comanche warriors fighting the Predator speak English. I don’t care if the Russian submarine crew speaks English. It just makes the movie easier to watch and, for me, doesn’t sacrifice a single iota of immersion or believability.

2. Casting against adaptation

Clutch those pearls, everybody! Death was played by a Black woman in the Netflix adaptation of The Sandman! And Lucien became Lucienne! Oh the horror! Whatever shall we do? Nothing. We do nothing. To hell with that noise! I have zero problem with gender swapping or race swapping a character in an adaptation, or whatever other changes need to be made. Give me a Black Clark Kent or a Black Peter Parker! Give me an Asian Danny Rand! If gender, race, sexuality and all those other personal identifiers don’t matter to a character, then I don’t care if they’re changed. Obviously you can’t have a white Black Panther and tell the same story, but you can, for sure, have a Black Tony Stark. Or a Black, female Tony Stark.

1. Filming goofs

I don’t care that there was a Starbucks cup on screen for 0.5 seconds in some Game of Thrones scene. I don’t care that a crew member in jean shorts was spotted in a blink-or-you’ll-miss-it moment of The Mandalorian. Honestly, I never even see these things. Who the heck notices these things? There are definitely people out there who comb through every frame looking for this stuff so that they can post about it on the internet. But what kind of life is that? Just let your eyes glaze over and not notice a random Starbucks cup in a scene. It’s not like it’s a big mystery why that cup is there. Some human being accidentally left it in shot. Just let humans make mistakes! It happens to the best of us!

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