Sonic the Hedgehog 2 arrived in theaters this past week and I enjoyed the flick, at least to the extent that I allowed myself to have an open mind and enjoy it. I didn’t care for the first one because it learned way too heavily into weird live action movie tropes instead of just being a Sonic movie. Sonic the Hedgehog 2 still suffers from some of those tropes, but the sequel also allowed itself to charge ahead into actual Sonic lore and characters.

In Sonic the Hedgehog 2, we really had Sonic, Tails and Knuckles working together to save the Chaos Emeralds from Doctor Robotnik. Yes, we also had some weird tangents about a wedding in Hawaii and Sonic having adopted human parents, but the video game stuff was neat and treated well. Then we had that new character tease in the post-credits scene! So methinks that the threequel is going to lean even more into the actual video game storytelling…though, honestly, we’re probably gonna get a bunch more human subplot nonsense.

Still, I have high hopes, and a Google list of the dumbest and strangest Sonic the Hedgehog characters! So in my geeky fandom, what rando Sonic characters would I like to see show up in the threequel?

6. Princess Elise

If we’re gonna have humans in these movies, why haven’t they introduced Princess Elise yet? She’s Sonic’s human girlfriend from that disastrous 2006 game relaunch. I never played it, but I know the memes, and those memes deserve a spot in the next movie! You can’t tell me that these Sonic live action films aren’t leaning into every possible meme. Granted, they didn’t go into Ugandan Knuckles, but they’ll totally have Sonic making out with Princess Elise.

5. Mephiles the Dark

What the hell is Mephiles the Dark? Some evil, warped hedgehog monster dude who apparently sucks a whole lot? Sounds good to me! If we’re already going to have Shadow the Hedgehog in the threequel as a dark version of Sonic, why not go even further and bring on Mephiles the Dark to be a dark version of Shadow?! It’s genius!

4. Ray the Flying Squirrel

Man, what a dork. Is there any dorkier character in Sonic canon than Ray the Flying Squirrel? Once upon a time, way back in 1993, between the releases of Sonic 2 and Sonic 3 on the Sega Genesis, there was an arcade game called SegaSonic the Hedgehog. This was a standup arcade game complete with trackball controls, and introduced two new characters: Ray the Flying Squirrel and Mighty the Armadillo. Both are pretty dorky. But for some reason, Mighty was chosen to move on with his career, joining Knuckles and the Chaotix in their future games. But Ray the Flying Squirrel was left to rot in obscurity, never mattering beyond that initial appearance that nobody remembers. Except me. And now you. And soon the kids watching Sonic the Hedgehog 3 in theaters!

3. Honey the Cat

I don’t know anything about Honey the Cat, other than the fact that when you Google the phrase “obscure Sonic characters”, she shows up at the top of two different website listicles. That counts for a lot when it comes to me putting together this dumb listicle of my own. Apparently, once upon a time, there was a Sonic fighting game called Sonic The Fighters. Because why not a Sonic fighting game? Honey the Cat was a brand new character for the game, based off a character in the similar Fighting Vipers game. Honey was scrapped from the original Sonic The Fighters, but hackers found her in the coding and gave her new life, which earned her a full appearance in the Sonic The Fighters remake. And that’s the quiet little existence of Honey the Cat. So…threequel yes?

2. Jazz the Opossum

Never heard of Jazz the Opossum, you say? What a shame! But it’s very reasonable, considering Jazz is my Sonic OC from back when I was in middle school. I was way too into Sonic characters when I was a kid, exacerbated by the fact that I wasn’t allowed to have video games at home. It’s how I became obsessed with Knuckles the Echidna as a kid, and would sketch him and other Sonic characters, including Jazz the Opossum. He had roller blades, I think, because of course he did. I wish I had some of those old middle school notebook sketches. Surely one glance at those and the studio would rush Jazz into the next movie!

1. Sonia and Manic

Nothing is out of bounds! No stone should be left unturned! Bring in Sonic’s twin siblings so that they can form a magical band, you cowards! There have been so many different Sonic the Hedgehog continuities over the years, so much so that they’re due for an Into the Sonicverse movie at some point. Sonia and Manic hail from the cartoon Sonic Underground, in which Sonic was a triplet, and all three were lost heirs to the throne of Mobius. And they all had magical amulets that turned into musical instruments. And it was weird as heck! And should not be forgotten. Also, of note, Sonic, Manic and Sonia were all voiced by Jaleel White. Because hells yes.

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