Two major things have come together to produce this list. One was a List of Six I did a couple of weeks ago, detailing all of the modern super-animals in the Marvel Universe who would make fun additions to the Pet Avengers. The other is the recent trailer for the animated film DC League of Super-Pets, starring Dwayne Johnson as Krypto. We’ve known about this movie for some time now, but what we didn’t know was that this so-called “League of Super-Pets” doesn’t actually feature real DC Universe super-pets! Scandal!

Based on the trailer, the movie stars Krypto and then a bunch of random animals created for the film. There’s a dog who looks like Ace the Bat-Hound, but he’s not. Then there’s a pig, a turtle and a hyperactive squirrel, because kids love hyperactive squirrels. Why did the filmmakers go this route? Why create brand new super-animals? DC Comics has a whole plethora of wild and awesome super-pets to choose from. Granted, they don’t have a hyperactive squirrel who shoots lightning, but what important role are these specific super-animals going to bring to the film that necessitates their creation? Bah humbug, I say!

Join me after the jump as we explore existing DC Comics super-animals who deserve to be voiced by Kevin Hart in League of Super-Pets!

Honorable Mention: All the Superman-adjacent animals

I will grant the movie one thing: a lot of DC’s super-animals are all just variations of Krypto the Superdog. There’s Comet the Superhorse, Beppo the Supermonkey and Streaky the Supercat. They each have their own convoluted back story, but they all amount to just animals who also wear a red cape. They’re just Krypto done over again. And the movie doesn’t need a bunch of Kryptos. It needs animal diversity. So even though the movie could easily claim that Streaky is Supergirl’s pet and therefore isn’t always around, it’s probably best if these characters don’t make the cut.

But that leaves plenty of super-animals who would be perfect for an animated kids comedy movie.

6. Dex-Starr

Dex-Starr is a very versatile character. He could obviously serve as Green Lantern’s pet, and then he can either be the villain of the movie or the grumpy, angry cat character. You know there’s got to be one of those. Dex-Starr was a normal Earth kitty whose precious owner was killed by some bad guys. This drove Dex-Starr into such a fury that he was recruited into the Red Lantern Corps! He needs to be more well-known to mainstream audiences.

5. Bat-Cow

Obviously, if League of Super-Pets was going for the more traditional comic book pets, they would have Ace the Bat-Hound. But what about Bat-Cow? There’s nothing particularly special about Bat-Cow, I’ll admit. It’s just a cow whose fur across the eyes looks like a Batman mask. But if the movie is going to feature a pig, why not a cow instead? If you want domesticated farm animal, Bat-Cow is the much more interesting choice. Though Bat-Cow can’t grow to enormous size, so perhaps that’s an issue.

4. Jumpa

Nobody remembers Wonder Woman’s pet kangaroo, Jumpa. Created back in 1942 by Wonder Woman’s original creator, Jumpa is a member of the Kanga race of flying kangaroos that live on Paradise Island. Because why not, dammit! So there you go, a flying kangaroo. That’s wild, and has natural powers. Isn’t that all we need for a League of Super-Pets? The movie can give Jumpa any personality they need to make the movie happen. Jumpa is a blank slate!

3. Silkie

The Teen Titans cartoons are an institution at this point. DC needs to take more advantage of them. So why not bring Starfire’s pet alien silk worm into something like this? Silkie has all sorts of powers and mysteries and…something. I haven’t watched the show in a while. But surely there’s a lot about Silkie that can be used in a movie like this. Alien silk powers? Should be good enough!

2. Gleek

I could have populated this list entirely with simians! But I’ll tone it down and settle for Gleek, the blue monkey pet of the Wonder Twins! I don’t think Gleek himself has any special powers. I think he was just around to hold the bucket of Zan water. But it shouldn’t be too hard to give him powers and have a blue monkey as part of the team. A blue monkey! C’mon! These characters are just sitting right there in front of you, DC. Why make up new ones?

1. Detective Chimp

A chimpanzee in a little bow tie and a Sherlock Holmes hat, insistent on investigating mysteries?! How is Detective Chimp not in this movie? Granted, Detective Chimp is a rather serious character, often associated with the mystical arts. He’s also very intelligent. But I don’t think he’s a human turned into an ape. I think he’s just a smart ape. And all of the animals in this movie are intelligent, so it would totally work. Or maybe they’re just saving him for some inevitable Justice League Dark movie or TV show. I still think he’s a better choice than Shell on Wheels.

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