These are troubling times. We are, all of us, living in interesting times as a deadly virus sweeps across the globe. I’ve been working from home for 2 1/2 weeks now with no sign of life going back to normal. I might not even have my job at the end of this — if there is an end of this. The world may never be the same ever again due to the coronavirus.

So I’m here to explain to you all why I should go out and buy a Nintendo Switch.

Look, I know what you’re going to say. But I’ve given this a lot of thought and I have, like, six really good reasons why I should load up BestBuy.com and order a brand, spanking new Nintendo Switch video game console. And a couple games. Granted, as I’m writing this, it’s currently sold out, but it wasn’t sold out a couple days ago, which means it’ll be in stock again someday. And I should buy one. Yep. For the full $300, plus a couple games. Trust me on this.

In fact, join me after the jump for all the very good, well-thought-out reasons why I should buy a Nintendo Switch while self-isolating at home.

6. I can probably afford it

Like, I have the money. I have some money in savings. I got my tax refund before this virus really took off. I’ve still got my job with a continuing income. Plus, like, I’m not going to pay for it all at once. I’ve got a Best Buy credit card for big electronic purchases, wherein there will be no interest for half a year. I can afford it. I know, deep down, that I shouldn’t give myself this new monthly bill. I know, deep down, that there’s no way to predict where any of us will be in six months, let alone two months or even one month. And there’s a very good chance that that $300 will be really clutch at some point during this virus apocalypse. But if I cut back on the junk food, and since I’m already saving money by not leaving the house, I can probably afford this Nintendo Switch.

5. The world might end

We don’t know how or when this virus crisis will end. Who’s to say it won’t end with the total collapse of civilization? Personally, I don’t think it’ll end that way, but I don’t know! It could happen! And if the world is about to end, why deny myself a couple of weeks playing fun Nintendo Switch games? I am not a survivor. I’m not going to be able to hold my own in the apocalypse. I’m a homebody! I can’t garden or farm or carry my weight. So for as long as we still have civilization, I should embrace and enjoy the wonders and joys that civilization has to offer. It makes sense.

4. No good Playstation 4 games for a while

After the X-Box 360, I went for years without a video game console. I thought I would do fine with just Steam and PC games…but then a couple of years ago, I splurged on a Playstation 4 to enjoy those wonderful exclusives! It was great, and well worth the price. So many fun games! And a much more stable gaming platform than my aging PC! But now I’ve worked through most of those exclusives, and a lot of my highly anticipated games for the year have been pushed back or taken off the release schedule. There’s nothing new coming out for months. The only real new game release I can take advantage of is the Final Fantasy 7 remake, which just came out. But if I’m going to spend $60 on that game…why not a bit more for access to tons of great games? A Nintendo Switch and it’s amazing library could keep me occupied for months, if not years!

For example…

3. I need to play Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild

The #1 game I want to play on the Switch is Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild. My favorite type of video game these days is the big, open world RPG, and Breath of the Wild is supposedly the zenith of such games. And it’s been staring me in the face, taunting me, for three whole years now! I’ve never played a Zelda game in my life. I played a bit of Ocarina of Time on an emulator for a couple hours once, but it wasn’t the same. I need to experience Breath of the Wild! I need to lose myself in that virtual world for the next several months to help me weather the storm raging around the real world! I need the escape!

2. I’m experiencing serious Animal Crossing FOMO

Everybody is playing Animal Crossing: New Horizons right now and it’s bumming me out that I’m missing all the excitement! I’ve got friends on Facebook sharing their Friend Codes and inviting people to their islands. I’ve got YouTubers I like playing in their little villages and having fun. And here I am, stuck in my crummy, lonely apartment, visiting nobody’s island and trading fruit with nobody! I haven’t played video games with friends in years! None of our consoles, games, jobs and lives have lined up in such a way in a very long time. But here is something everybody’s playing! Like that one summer we all played Pokemon Go! And I’m missing out! I’m pretty sure I’ll enjoy Animal Crossing. I think it’ll be fun. But I mostly want the opportunity to engage with old friends via video gaming! I need the company!

1. I just…need something, man

Just let me have this. C’mon, man. Guys. Girls. Just…just let me have this. I don’t ask for much. I don’t want to take it from anybody, I’ll buy it myself. It’s just a minor thing in the grand scheme of chaos taking over the world right now. It’s not going to hurt anybody. I’ve been cooped up in my apartment, alone, for days on end. My anxiety is getting so bad I’m actually noticing it. I promise that if I can buy the Nintendo Switch, I’ll also start cleaning my apartment. Maybe. There’s still a presidential election at the end of the year. All my planned vacations have likely been cancelled. There are no new movies coming out. There are no new comics coming out. I just need something, man. Something joyful in my life that I can play and get lost in and pass the time. And I want it to be a Nintendo Switch. It’s not…it’s not too much to ask. Just let me create, like, a little dude that kind of looks like me, and I’ll dress him in a little Spider-Man T-shirt and he can visit with my friends, and he’ll , I guess, go into debt to Tom Nook or something? I don’t know the lore.

——————–