My New Year’s Resolution for 2012 was to stop drinking soda. I lasted about two or three weeks before accidentally forgetting while at a basketball game and having a bottle of sweet, sweet Mountain Dew. It was all downhill from there…until I had a checkup in the hospital in September and found I had high blood pressure. After that, I managed to kick the soda and I haven’t had a drop since! So it took a few months, but I managed to fulfill my New Year’s Resolution!

So what about this year?

Babies in top hats are always fun

I know that 2013 is going to be a very good year. I think, if we all put our minds to it, we can totally make it so! And what better way to celebrate 2013 than ensuring that my resolutions succeed! Here are my 6 New Year’s Resolutions for 2013!

6. Lose Weight

Someday I’ll have a svelte, feminine figure

It’s been my New Year’s Resolution since, like, the 7th grade. No reason to break tradition now.

5. Henchman How-To

Bad to the ass

There are so many features I wanted to bring to my blog that I just never got around to doing. One of the coolest, I think, will be a “Guide to Henching” segment. I’m picturing this awesome how-to segment, with multiple encyclopedic entries combined with a few Lists of Six. Or at least this is how it works in my head. I’ve been using my Twitter account to do some “Henchmen Rules”, and I hope that’ll continue too. So wish me luck!

4. Better Diet

The key to eating right is apparently food karate

Goes hand-in-hand with losing weight, of course. But I won’t be able to lose a pound if I keep splurging on pizzas and cookies. I’ve done a great job of it so far. Along with soda, I have banished fast food from my life. That alone is pretty impressive, considering my life. But I need to go further. I need to cut out even more bad foods, and start eating better!

3. Make Better Use of Twitter

Tweet, Tweet, bitches

I only have 42 Twitter followers after a year and a half, and I’m pretty sure half of them are porn spam accounts. I realize that I don’t post on Twitter a lot, but I post some of my blog articles, and some general thoughts. Yet that’s not enough to get followers. I’m not about to become a Twitter addict, and I’m not about to study how to get Twitter followers. I kind of just want to figure out how to get them naturally. Perhaps just suggesting to you readers to follow my Twitter might help. And that’s twice in one article!

2. World Domination

I’ve got the whole world in my hands

I’m going to be turning 30 this year, and I don’t even own a small island nation yet. I am way behind on my world dominating.

1. Site Redesign

If only those makeover shows existed for websites

This is the big one. This is absolutely something I need to do soon before I start getting sued. I don’t own the green and yellow henchman character at the top of my blog. That’s a Marvel character, and I’m sure their lawyers would love to issue me a ‘cease and desist’ letter if my blog gets famous enough. And since I hope it gets very famous, I need my own identity.

So if any of you are artists, or can recommend a good artist, don’t hesitate to send me an e-mail or leave a comment. I’m looking to design my own Henchman character and a new logo for my blog. Something I can truly call my own. Perhaps even in time for my 2 year anniversary.

Those are my New Year’s Resolutions. What are some of yours? Let me know in the comments!