Forgotten Characters: Lacuna

Whatever happened to Lacuna, the mutant talk show host and would-be member of X-Statix?

The green blob Doop has been given new prominence in the popular pages of Wolverine & The X-Men, but he wasn’t the only character to survive the massacre that was Peter Milligan’s X-Statix. I want to know whatever happened to my personal favorite character from that series, the beautiful, the excitable, the orange Lacuna! X-Statix may have been controversial in its day, but the rose-colored glasses of hindsight have proven just how ahead of its time that series really was.

X-Statix was a comic that satirized Jersey Shore several years before Jersey Show was even on the air. X-Statix was making Kim Kardashian jokes before  ‘Kardashian’ was even a thing. And there in the wings, doing her part to mock talk show hosts, was Woodstock Schumaker, the sometimes superhero known as Lacuna. She was one of the few characters to survive the end of X-Statix, but she hasn’t been seen since. I want to know why not!

She looks absolutely awesome

Here is a young female character ripe for use in any number of rebooted X-teams. She’s got an awesome look, nifty powers and her own talk show! At the very least, why hasn’t anybody had Lacuna and the Stars playing in the background of any scenes?

Join me after the jump for more!

Who is she?

After the success of the first X-Men movie, Marvel wanted to revitalized their entire X-franchise. The biggest change came to longtime series X-Force, which had been around for years and had reached more than 100 issues. X-Force had been a series about para-military superheroes, starring such classic and fan-favorite characters as Cable, Cannonball, Domino and more. But Marvel threw all of that out and handed the comic to post-modernist writer Peter Milligan and pop artist Mike Allred. Together, they created a whole cast of new characters, and reshaped X-Force into a series about media and pop culture obsessed celebrity superheroes, who would just as soon bicker amongst themselves about their Q-rating than actually fight bad guys.

Image is everything, even to superheroes

The new X-Force (later changed to X-Statix) was a biting satire of both comics and a celebrity-obsessed culture, a culture that still lingers to this day in all its sickening glory. For example, in the very first issue of the new X-Force, Milligan killed almost all of the new cast members he’d just introduced (which would happen frequently throughout the series). So the actual stars of the comic weren’t really introduced until the second issue. That way, Milligan could show us the popularity contest that was membership on the team. X-Statix was a reality TV show before reality TV had really taken off.

The title was really controversial when it came out, mostly because comic book fans hate change, and they wanted the old X-Force back. But the series was the first to abandon the Comics Code Authority, and within a few years, all comics abandoned the code. X-Statix made headlines when Milligan wanted to resurrect Princess Di as a team member, but Marvel buckled and changed the character due to the media blowback.

In hindsight, X-Statix was ahead of their time. I’m glad I read it when I had the chance. But in the final bit of satire, when the series was cancelled, Milligan again killed all of the characters on the team in the last issue.

But he didn’t kill supporting character Lacuna, one of my favorite characters from the series.

The best pranks involve nakedness

As I explained, membership in X-Statix was a big deal, with hundreds of would-be mutant superheroes vying for the chance to be the next celebrity member of the team. One of those was Lacuna, a young woman with the mutant ability to freeze time and then walk around and alter things. Like what Zack Morris would do on Saved by the Bell, only Lacuna would often pull pranks on other people, including X-Statix. Now that’s a pretty cool power to have, and Lacuna looked awesome, with orange skin and little markings across her body. She was a friendly person and a little naive about X-Statix, not yet realizing just how vapid and egotistical they all were. But gosh darnit, she wanted to be on the team!

Lacuna’s story was brief, with the team initially turning her down for membership. In the end, they changed their minds and offered Lacuna a spot, but then she turned them down. Lacuna started using her powers to pop in on celebrities in private moments, like a mutant powered paparazzi. She became the talk show host of Lacuna and the Stars – much to the dismay of her hippie parents.

My parents would love it if I had a TV show

Lacuna continued to play a supporting role throughout the rest of the series, popping in to help or prank the main characters every now and then. She was something of a secret weapon that they could call on in a pinch, and she was pretty cool in that role. In the end, Lacuna was shot and left in a coma – only to be revived in one of the final issues as a publicity stunt! So she awoke from her coma…and stayed that way while the book was cancelled and all the X-Statix characters were killed.

Why should you care?

Lacuna was not the only character to survive the cancellation of X-Statix. Meet Doop:

Yep

Doop is far more than just what he appears – a floating green blog monster who speaks in some kind of alien language. He ostensibly served as X-Statix’s cameraman, but it was always teased that Doop was behind a lot more than the team ever knew. He was revealed to have a special way with the ladies, and a lifelong friendship with Wolverine. And Doop has been popping up every now and then after X-Statix was cancelled, most prominently in the popular Wolverine & the X-Men series. In fact, Doop recently had his very own starring issue, where it was revealed that Doop is the tireless secret defender of the Jean Grey School for High Learning. Whether he’s fighting the League of Nazi Bowlers, traveling back in time to save Professor X’s ancestors, battling evil aliens with Howard the Duck or sexing up Warbird, Doop is a seemingly one-note joke that can sing a lot of tunes.

But this means that people have not completely forgotten X-Statix. Doop has lived on, which means Lacuna could as well.

I don’t see why the show Lacuna and the Stars hasn’t been used to some extent, maybe as just something playing on a TV in the background. Or considering how many X-teams are composed of a random assortment of mutants, why hasn’t Lacuna made that kind of appearance? It’s not like Marvel has forgotten about her. Lacuna had an entry in the 2006 edition of the Official Handbook of the Marvel Universe, long after X-Statix had been cancelled.

Still lookin’ foxy

The big question, of course, is whether or not Lacuna retained her powers on M-Day, when the Scarlet Witch took away the powers of like 99% of the mutant race. However, according to Wikipedia, Marvel never said whether or not Lacuna lost her powers, not even in her Official Handbook entry. And Marvel really went out of their way in the wake of M-Day to reveal which obscure mutants no longer had powers – but Lacuna was never mentioned!

So it’s entirely possible that she retains her mutant powers and maybe even her talk show! Maybe should could be a communications professor at the Jean Grey School…just sayin’.

About Sean Ian Mills

Hello, this is Sean, the Henchman-4-Hire! By day I am a mild-mannered newspaper reporter in Central New York, and by the rest of the day I'm a pretty big geek when it comes to video games, comic books, movies, cartoons and more.

Posted on October 20, 2012, in Comics, Forgotten Characters, Marvel, X-Men and tagged , . Bookmark the permalink. 4 Comments.

  1. I’m still waiting for the return of Dead Girl. Sure, she died at the end of X-Statix, but being dead was her thing in the first place. Bring back Dead Girl!

    I wouldn’t mind seeing Lacuna again, either, though. She was fun.

    Also, Lacuna’s page on the Marvel Wiki is entirely too short.

  1. Pingback: X-Statix is Coming Back! | Henchman-4-Hire

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