The reviews are going to be a little short this week, I’m afraid. The problem with being an amateur blogger is that I’ve still got a day job and car problems to deal with, and it’s just my luck that I’d have to excessively deal with both in the same week. But I still bought my weekly stack of comics, I’m just going to have to cut out some of the usual reviews I would have done just to save time. Still, got a nice crop of comics this week, with some winners, some groaners and some disappointingly mediocre offerings.

Seriously, I could not be more let down by the first issue of Brian Michael Bendis’ Guardians of the Galaxy. I’m super excited for the upcoming movie, but if it’s anything like this first issue, maybe I should lower my expectations. Guardians of the Galaxy is almost exactly like DC’s Threshold, and I hated that series. I doubt I’m going to even bother with more Guardians.

And if that wasn’t the only surprise, I’m going to award Comic Book of the Week to Uncanny Avengers #5! I’ve been picking on the series since it began, but this issue gets all its ducks in a row, including a new artist, and is pretty impressive. Though apparently also very controversial, as I’ll explain in a bit. First, some levity.

FF remains pretty damn awesome.

Comic Reviews: Age of Ultron #3, Batman Incorporated #9, FF#5, Guardians of the Galaxy #1, Talon #6, Uncanny Avengers #5 and Wolverine and the X-Men #27.

Age of Ultron #3

Age of Ultron #3
Writer: Brian Michael Bendis
Artist: Bryan Hitch

Oh well, guess I was wrong about my Hank Pym idea…though there’s still time for an even bigger twist later in this series! But if not, this issue ends with the reveal of the series’ Big Bad, and it’s not who I predicted. It’s not Ultron, so I was partially right, but it’s not Hank Pym either. I’ll spoil who it is in the synopsis. Suffice to say, the surprise does little for me. I don’t think it changes the course of anything, and it doesn’t make Age of Ultron any better as a story. It’s almost a twist for twist’s sake. This is still mostly a non-event.

Captain America’s plan is to sell one of the Avengers to Ultron to test Spider-Man’s account of what happened with Hammerhead and Owl. She-Hulk volunteers to be the prize, and Luke Cage volunteers to be the one who turns her over. So he knocks her out, throws her over his shoulder and makes the long march to Ultron-owned space. Meanwhile, in Chicago, a team composed of Black Panther, Taskmaster and Red Hulk attack an Ultron drone and steal its head. Black Panther is killed in the process. Later, Luke Cage is brought before the true leader of the Ultron drones: Vision!

Comic Rating: 3/5: Alright.

Vision is an odd choice for villain. Bendis destroyed Vision at the very start of his Avengers run and never bothered to bring him back until the very, very end. So Bendis has never really written anything with Vision for the nearly 10 years he worked on various Avengers stories. So what difference does it make that Vision is the villain instead of Ultron? I suppose it might be a big deal for Vision fans, but they’ve been through so much crap over the past 10 years, can they even feel anything anymore? This was another non-issue for me. The Avengers didn’t do much of anything, and it was mostly about Luke Cage just walking towards the big reveal at the end. The scene in Chicago was OK, but only in the fact that Taskmaster is a cool character and I like him being used in such a way. Otherwise it’s still just a pointless scene of other superheroes fighting Ultron drones. Ho hum.

Batman Inc #9

Batman Incorporated #9
Writer: Grant Morrison
Artist: Chris Burnham

And so we bury Damian Wayne. The Requiem tie-ins in other series have mostly been bollocks, with little actual fallout from Damian’s death. Most of the issues have only given it the barest of lip service. So it’s good to see Morrison himself carrying through with the act he committed with both action and emotional fallout this issue, though this is kind of a disjointed issue overall. There are also a lot of time jumps that get a little jumbled, I think.

In the immediate aftermath of Damian’s murder, Batman, Nightwing and Red Robin take on Talia’s henchman, the Heretic, and barely hold him at bay before everyone can escape. Talia is pretty pissed at the guy, but since he’s an adult clone of Damian, Heretic’s full of confidence and arrogance, declaring himself to be the new Batman. Elsewhere, the Wayne family bury Damian and Bruce tells Alfred to take a vacation. He declares that he is the only one who will settle this, and he slowly pulls on his costume before screaming at the world for his loss. Elsewhere, Nightwing and Red Robin meet with the surviving members of Batman Incorporated to start putting together an attack, and Squire decides to become the new Knight after watching his funeral on TV. Knight was given a big send-off in his native England. Oh and also, some Gotham City government guy declares Batman Incorporated illegal and wants Bruce Wayne to turn himself in.

Comic Rating: 4/5: Good.

I wrote things out in a somewhat linear fashion, but they don’t happen like that in the book. The scenes jump around and make things more than a little confusing for some reason. Why Morrison couldn’t just tell this story in order is probably a question everybody has had about Morrison for years. But it’s still a strong comic. Batman’s pain after Damian’s murder is quite palpable, and the immediate fight with the Heretic is a good one. It was also cool to see Squire step up to become the new Knight, like we predicted. All in all, it definitely feels like Morrison is on a roll as we race towards the conclusion of Batman Incorporated.

FF#5

FF#5
Writer: Matt Fraction
Artists: Mike and Laura Allred

The adorableness continues in this new issue, especially when it comes to the kids. Artie and Leech’s excitement at making cookies for Medusa is just delightful. But FF can’t be all about adorableness, and Fraction gets on with the story in this issue, though that part is a little disjointed. He’s juggling a few different plot threads and they don’t all line up all that well. Still, it’s a very enjoyable issue of a very enjoyable series.

Medusa brings her son to join the Future Foundation, even though something is clearly wrong with Medusa, as we first saw last issue. Turns out she’s working with the Wizard, or is maybe mind-controlled into working with the Wizard, who has come after his young clone Bentley. Meanwhile, Scott is upset that the kid from the Power Pack has taken off, but his teammates remind him that the kid is 18 and is free to go where he pleases. Turns out he went to Latveria to speak with Doctor Doom about Scott. Also meanwhile, John Storm goes out on the town, but freaks out and threatens to burn down the city (and that one man’s precious beard). The FF respond and stop him with help from the Atlantean children, who summon a big sea monster to douse all of the fires created by the Human Torch.

Comic Rating: 4/5: Good.

The issue is all over the place, but in a good way. I didn’t even mention the visit from the Atlantean children’s father, or Darla trying to pick a good mask to wear with her Ms. Thing costume. There are a lot of scenes, and it can feel a little disjointed, but that’s fine when the scenes are as adorable and as well-written as these. Fraction still has a very strong handle on the various characters he has in play, this issue could have just benefitted from a little more focus.

Guardians of the Galaxy #1

Guardians of the Galaxy #1
Writer: Brian Michael Bendis
Artist: Steve McNiven

Annihilation is dead. Everything good that came out of that landmark 2006 series – from reshaping Marvel’s cosmic universe to making concepts like Nova and Guardians of the Galaxy into great comics – has come to an end with this new iteration of those same Guardians. All of the new ideas, the fresh takes on classic cosmic concepts and the revitalized characters have been pushed aside to bring us the most standard, cliche-ridden, mediocre space story imaginable. This new series is Dan Abnett and and Andy Lanning’s Guardians of the Galaxy squeezed through the grinder of easily marketable pop. This is Guardians of the Galaxy when they sell out.

When Marvel published Annihilation and it’s sequel Annihilation: Conquest, they did so with the specific goal of revitalizing the cosmic side of the Marvel Universe, and they succeeded beyond all expectations. They looked back over the decades of space comics they’d published, but had long since gone dormant, and they gave everybody a new purpose, a new, popular lease on fictional life. Nova went from being an also-ran nobody superhero to the champion of the galaxy. Drax the Destroyer was transformed from a goofy cosmic relic to a badass, sword-wielding assassin. The Guardians of the Galaxy had been a campy series set in the far future, then became a gritty, Dirty Dozen-style caper team full of unique and personality-filled characters, like Groot the living tree, Rocket Raccoon the demolitions expert, and Star-Lord, himself a 70s Buck Rogers rip-off who now became a very human, very relatable space hero.

And the Guardians of the Galaxy series, written by Abnett and Lanning, was very popular. I loved it. The series took this quirky band of characters, built them into a team of people who cared about one another, and set them to work protecting the galaxy.

Then along came the marketing people, and the possibility of turning Guardians of the Galaxy into a movie. Nova too. And suddenly, these very popular series weren’t marketable enough. They were too steeped in everything that had come before. They were too entrenched in Annihilation continuity. Marvel may have picked Abnett and Lanning’s Guardians when putting together the cast for the movie, but apparently Marvel wanted to make them more appealing to a wider audience. So they ditched the old Nova completely, and now he’s a new, younger, kid-friendly character. And Guardians of the Galaxy is this comic, full of easily digestible characters who are as generic as one could get. Maybe I’m overreacting, but I couldn’t be more disappointed with the start of this new series.

Peter Quill, Star-Lord, is in a bar on some far away planet hitting on a cute Kree chick, when suddenly his father walks into the bar. Star-Lord’s father is the king of the Spartax Planetary System, making Quill the reluctant, rebellious prince. This was never a part of Abnett and Lanning’s Guardians, so I guess Marvel and Bendis want to play up the father/son thing. Is it supposed to make Quill more studly now that he’s a reluctant prince? Quill’s father makes a big argument about how he wants his son to embrace being prince, and also that all of the great cosmic empires have declared Earth a no-fly zone so that humanity can grow into its own cosmic empire. Quill is generally rebellious throughout their discussion, thinking this Earth thing to be a bad idea, until Gamora shows up and attacks the king’s guards, thinking Quill is under attack himself. He settles her down and they leave while the king makes one last plea for his son to give up on his little team of “broken friends” and do what he was meant to do.

And there you have the definition of this team: they’re not the universe-spanning protectors of the galaxy, they’re Peter Quill and his buddies gallivanting around the galaxy having adventures. And while that’s probably fine, in a general sense, it’s also maddeningly mediocre. Isn’t every single space hero ever just gallivanting around with his supporting cast having adventures? And it helps that he’s a handsome rogue rebelling against princehood, right? Star-Lord is Lonestar from Spaceballs, but not in a good way.

Elsewhere near Jupiter, Tony Stark is flying through space in his new Iron Man armor. It looks exactly like every other type of Iron Man armor, but somehow it’s capable of spaceflight. Considering all of the awesome armor variants over the years, they couldn’t come up with something really new and original for spaceflight? The only difference between this armor and every other Iron Man armor is a few slight color variations in the mask. So Iron Man is flying around, somehow traversing thousands of light years with just his Iron Man boot thrusters, when suddenly a Badoon spaceship shows up. The Badoon are an evil alien race from the old 70s Guardians of the Galaxy series. They haven’t been used much in recent years. Then even more suddenly, the Guardians of the Galaxy show up and lend Iron Man a hand in repelling the Badoon ship.

What follows is a pretty generic space battle as Iron Man and the Guardians fight off a spaceship, blasting it with their various powers and guns. They weakly banter among themselves and deliver lines that don’t even count as one-liners. None of it’s really funny or quippy. The Guardians eventually take some licks and retreat to their ship, while the Badoon flee to nearby Earth…even though Iron Man was clearly flying near Jupiter earlier. The Badoon start attacking London, and Gamora points out to Star-Lord that this was all some evil plot by Quill’s father. If he can’t have Quill and he can’t have the Earth, then he’s going to make this big proclamation that nobody is going to be watching the Earth, leaving it open for bad guys like the Badoon to attack.

Comic Rating: 3/5: Alright.

This comic is the height of mediocre, especially from a stellar writer like Brian Michael Bendis. First of all, let me say that I know this isn’t Abnett and Lanning’s Guardians of the Galaxy. That series is over, the characters are moving on. I can accept that. This is Bendis’ interpretation. But even still, it’s just so bland. Star-Lord is your typical roguish space hero who has turned his back on being space royalty, choosing instead to cruise around the galaxy with his pals. None of the other characters get even the barest hint of personality, not even Rocket Raccoon. Their banter is weak and the action is perfunctory. The Badoon are ridiculously generic alien bad guys, and Bendis makes no effort to make them interesting. Star-Lord’s father, likewise, is just your typical evil space king one would expect to see in a story like this.

Not even the addition of Iron Man helps the story at all. I like the idea of adding Iron Man to the cast, even though it’s a blatant cash grab. He’s a better choice than say Wolverine or Spider-Man, who used to be the go-to options for random, cash-grab appearances. Iron Man actually makes sense in terms of technology, plus he isn’t Wolverine or Spider-Man, so it feels kind of new. Hopefully Bendis can do something with Iron Man as a fish out of water. He’s a big shot back on planet Earth, but he’s a nobody out in space. Might be a new role for Tony Stark.

I don’t really like the new costumes either. Star-Lord’s is cool, though I prefer his old mask. Drax and Rocket Raccoon don’t change much. But I hate the new, almost demonic look for Groot, and Gamora loses all of her previous personality with her new bodysuit. I’m not saying it’s sacrilegious to take her out of her skimpy outfit, but if they were going to give her a new look, why a generic black and white space suit? Why not something unique and eye catching for the most dangerous woman in the galaxy? And Iron Man’s armor looks terrible. Nothing particularly spacey or unique about it.

There are a lot of things to nitpick about this series, and I could go on. But I’ll end by comparing it to Threshold, which I also hated. I ranted in my review of the Threshold prologue, which I believe was Green Lantern: New Guardians Annual #1, that the fictional planet used in the story was too much like Earth, and the same thing happens here. The bar that opens the issue could be any bar on planet Earth. Even the cute Kree chick that Star-Lord is hitting on could just be any other Earth woman, not to mention the fact that Star-Lord and his dad both look perfectly human. For me, it takes away from the cosmic scope of the story when you fill your planets with very Earth-like things, like bars, tables, chairs and bystanders who look and dress like normal, ordinary humans. If you’re going to set your story in outer space, then show me something new and exciting, something I couldn’t see on Earth.

And then there are the fake curse words. God dammit. Threshold had them, and now Guardians of the Galaxy does too. The made-up word “krutack” is used no less than three times over the course of a single issue, and it just gets more and more grating every time I read it. Everybody wants to create the next ‘frack’ or ‘gorramit’, but instead it’s just awkward and off-putting. Please, space writers, just stop.

Talon #6

Talon #6
Writers: Scott Snyder and James Tynion IV
Artist: Guillem March

Talon is written like a comic that expects to be cancelled at any moment. Characters are coming and going left and right, there are major status quo changes almost every issue, and twists that should have been saved are being dropped in only the seventh issue of the series. I can’t blame Snyder and Tynion for thinking Talon might get cancelled quickly, that’s how things work in the DCnU. But damn, it makes for a bumpy ride in the actual comic.

Talon is trapped on Securitus Island, cornered by three Talons from the Court of Owls. The three are actually three generations of the O’Malley family, grandfather, father and son, and they taunt the imprisoned Talon for a bit. But our boy Calvin is a master escape artist, and he gets out of their trap and runs away. He’s pursued by the youngest O’Malley, Nathaniel, who is kind of the black sheep of the family. Talon and Nathaniel face off and Talon tries to convince him to switch sides, since Nathaniel is always picked on by his father and grandfather, and Talon correctly figures out that Nathaniel never had children of his own because he didn’t want them abducted into the Court as well. The next time we see them, Nathaniel has defeated Talon and carries him back to his family, then together they take Talon up to meet with the new Grandmaster of the Court of Owls…who reveals that Sebastian Clark is the former Grandmaster of the Court of Owls!

Comic Rating: 4/5: Good.

I don’t even remember how Sebastian Clark introduced himself at the start of the series, so it’s not that big of a twist that he was a former Grandmaster of the Court of Owls. Nor do I think that the idea that Calvin has been working for the Court’s benefit makes that much sense. But herein lies the problem I mentioned in the opening paragraph: we barely known Sebastian Clark, so this twist doesn’t really pack any sort of emotional wallop. Sebastian only showed up about 5 issues ago, and he’s mostly just been a background/supporting character. Calvin doesn’t even particularly like him all that much. So who really cares that he’s a former Grandmaster of the Court of Owls? Everything is moving too quickly. In only the second issue, Calvin met Clark and started learning all of the secrets of the Court. Only a few issues later and he’s already hooking back up with the woman he abandoned, and now she and her daughter are permanent cast members. Now only a few issues later, and apparently Clark’s big secret is revealed. I think all of these big changes should have been dragged out a little, with proper foreshadowing and character growth. I’m not saying Talon isn’t an entertaining comic, but it feels like it’s rushing through all its big ideas too quickly. But then if it’s cancelled in a few months, we’ll know why.

Uncanny Avengers #5

Uncanny Avengers #5
Writer: Rick Remender
Artist: Olivier Coipel

I think I’ve realized the misunderstanding I had with this series. The opening story of Uncanny Avengers was the story of the characters haphazardly teaming up to fight a dangerous villain. The team wasn’t actually a team just yet. The opening story was the classic tale of the characters coming together for the greater good, and now they forge that into a team. I get that now. Granted, there were several other problems I had with the first four issues, but I think we’re finally ready to see the actual Uncanny Avengers team make their mark on the Marvel Universe. Though I still think it’s a dumb idea to have so many other different Avengers comics undermining their credibility.

There’s a brief opening segment where the Apocalypse Twins are born, then kidnapped by Kang the Conqueror. But mostly the story is about the Unity Squad coming together and announcing themselves via press conference. Wasp and Wonder Man are brought in to act as a sort of PR duo, along with Wonder Man trying to help Wanda cope, since the two are old friends. There’s also a bit of a dust up between Wasp and Rogue, playing up Rogue’s new bad girl role on this team. Elsewhere, Wolverine recruits the drunk and destitute Sunfire just because.

After the first team meeting, during which Havok asserts his authority over Captain America in demanding total transparency, the full team is introduced via press conference to the public. Havok then gives a big speech about how he thinks ‘mutant’ is a dirty word and he doesn’t want to be defined by it anymore. The press conference is attacked by Grim Reaper, brother to Wonder Man, who wants to kill Wanda. The Avengers fight back until Rogue absorbs Wonder Man’s powers and accidentally kills Grim Reaper in front of all those TV cameras.

Comic Rating: 4/5: Good.

I was very happy with this issue. I like the team-building aspect of the issue because it really, finally, seems to define the Uncanny Avengers. I was apparently expecting too much from the first four issues. The existence of the adjectiveless Avengers series and the rest of Marvel NOW! seemed to accelerate storytelling in the Marvel Universe, and Uncanny Avengers couldn’t keep up. So I think I just didn’t realize that Uncanny Avengers was moving at its own pace. Now I get it, now I’m on board, and this issue does a great job of explaining the outlook of the series and establishing its general status quo. That’s a very good start. I especially like some of the inner-team conflicts Remender is working on.

But there are some problems. Rogue comes off as kind of a bitch. And Remender doesn’t really have good reasons for including Wonder Man, Wasp or especially Sunfire. There don’t appear to be any limitations as to who everybody is choosing to invite to the team, so why pick those three out of the entire rosters of Avengers and X-Men available to them? Some talk is made about Wanda wanting Wonder Man around because they’re friends, and she could use a friend, but that’s the best Remender can do. As for Sunfire, Wolverine just sort of shows up in Japan and invites him to join for absolutely no reason whatsoever. Why didn’t Wolverine bother to go get Sunfire after the Schism, when he could have used more mutants on his side? Or as a teacher for his school? Remender mentions Sunfire’s recent history with Apocalypse, and clearly Apocalypse is an important part of Remender’s future plans, so why not wait and use that connection as a reason for Sunfire to join the team?

There was also a big controversy on the Internet this week about Havok’s speech. I’ll admit to being slightly bothered by it, but then I have zero experience or knowledge about racial identity. You’ll find a much better explanation as to why Havok’s speech is just terrible at Comics Alliance, so feel free to read their take on the matter. I just know that Remender’s response to all the criticism is childish and stupid. What an asshole.

Also, I would definitely like to point out that Olivier Coipel is a much, much better artist than John Cassaday. I loved the art in this issue. His Rogue is beautiful, his Havok looks great and just the overall art in general is fantastic. Cassaday was not worth the delays this series suffered. I hope he is long behind us, and I hope Coipel gets to stay longer, though that’s probably not the case either. Still, amazing art helped raise this issue up to something special.

Wolverine and the X-Men #27

Wolverine and the X-Men #27
Writer: Jason Aaron
Artist: Ramon Perez

I didn’t like the last issue because I felt that the return of Dog should have been treated with a lot more dignity and chutzpah. My feelings are the same this issue, but the comic is a bit better than the last one. I guess I’ve just got to accept that this is how Marvel chose to bring Dog back into the fold. I think it’s a complete waste of the character and his potential, but what do I know? This is at least an entertaining comic, for the most part. The overall plot remains rather weird, but weird has always been this series’ modus operandi.

Dog used the time diamonds to pull a bunch of different people from different eras in time to the Savage Land. He wants to prove that he can teach the Jean Grey students to be warriors far better than his brother ever could. Dog summoned some neanderthals, some gangsters from the mid-20th century (including their leader Metal Head, who literally has a metal head), as well as some robots from far in the future. Dog helps the students to defeat these foes, teaching them how to use guns instead of relying on their fancy super powers. But the three time-flung groups start to work together and overpower the students, eventually leading to a confrontation where both they and the students ask Dog why the hell he forced them to travel through time. Quentin Quire is the loudest voice complaining, and Dog is pushed over the edge and attacks Quentin.

Comic Rating: 3/5: Alright

Like I said, the issue is weird. And instead of focusing on Dog, Aaron is now also juggling all of the X-students, as well as a bunch of time-flung extras. There’s a little too much time is spent on Metal Head for my liking. He’s a neat idea, but he’s a little too distracting from the characters who actually matter. And Dog’s overall plan is a little weird. All of this is to prove he can be a better teacher than Wolverine? That just sounds like a stretch. But like I said, the issue was entertaining, especially the scenes focusing on the students. Aaron wrote a few flashback scenes of Wolverine counseling Kid Apocalypse, Shark-Girl and the new Sprite, and each of those scenes is pretty great, and go a long way to developing their characters. So at least there’s that.

The comics I review in my Hench-Sized reviews are just the usual comics I pick up from my local shop any given week, along with a few impulse buys I might try on a whim. So if there are any comics or series you’d like me to review each week, let me know in the comments!