6 Spider-Man Villains Who Don’t Deserve Their Own Movie (Just Like Morbius)
At long last, the Morbius movie is scheduled to arrive in theaters this week (barring any last second delays!). Early reviews peg this thing as a total flop, and I expected nothing less. The trailers looked bad, for one, and for two, Morbius sucks. He just plain sucks as a character.
Honestly, the behind-the-scenes studio meddling in the Spider-Man franchise is sometimes more interesting than the movies themselves. Sony is on this roller coaster of making good movies, then bad movies, then worse movies, then throwing Marvel a bone and making incredible movies, to getting a big head and making bad movies again. The idea that Sony is determined to make their own Spider-Man villain mini-universe of films is hilarious to me. They’re already working on a stand alone Kraven the Hunter movie. When will it end?
Hopefully before any of the following characters get their own stand alone movies! Join me after the jump for six crappy Spider-Man villains who will hopefully never get their own movies.
As with all lists of this type, I like to give myself subtle guidelines in putting it together. This isn’t just a list of bad Spider-Man villains. That list is too easy. Sony isn’t going to make a movie based on The Ringer or Big Wheel. This is a list of Spider-Man villains who could, conceivably, in the minds of Sony movie executives, carry a movie, but who I think are too terrible to deserve that treatment. There are some bad Spider-Man villains who, I think, would make a great movie. White Rabbit would be a great movie star! And I’d love a film starring the Kangaroo.
But then there are dorks like…
6. The Answer
The Answer is a really dorky villain with a really cool power. He has the ability to develop whatever super-power is necessary to overcome whatever situation he faces. He’s like Darwin from the X-Men, just not nearly as cool. But a movie script could make a lot of magic with a super-power like that. The Answer, Aaron Nicholson, could whip out whatever powers are necessary to be big and cool on the big screen, be they psychological or physical or super-natural. But man, the Answer is a total dork. So no thank you.
5. Human Fly
There’s an Ant-Man and a Spider-Man? Yep, and there’s a Fly-Man! If Sony can’t use Spider-Man in their solo villain movies, why not just supplement another bug character as a hero? The Human Fly is nobody special. Just another mook who got bug-based super-powers and went up against Spider-Man. But everybody knows about flies. They totally exist. And if Sony is desperate for a bug-based character for a stand alone movie, I bet somebody is going to consider Human Fly. But they definitely should not.
4. Styx and Stone
Two villains for the price of one! Styx and Stone are a couple of 90s-era nobodies who don’t deserve even a second of further thought. But they have a fun pun of a name, and that’s two villains to star in your movie, so maybe Sony could see something happen? Styx has cancer-powers and Stone has rock-powers, and they’re a couple of mercenaries trying to raise money to cure Styx’s condition. That’s a little bit compelling, maybe? It’s definitely a pretty unique motivation for the bad guys. But nah, no reason to explore that any further in a full-on movie.
3. Man Mountain Marko
How do you get The Rock or John Cena into your Spider-Man Cinematic Universe? Make a Man Mountain Marko movie. Man Mountain Marko is just a really big, really tough, really strong dude. He doesn’t wear a costume. He doesn’t have any specific super powers. He’s basically just a mountain of a man, and he fights Spider-Man a bunch. That’s it. But the desire to cast one of the popular large human actors right now is probably really strong. Man Mountain Marko would be a huge step down from either Black Adam or Peacemaker.
2. The Rose
The Kingpin is back in action in the MCU, so I’m sure Sony would love to capitalize on that by introducing the Kingpin’s son as his own villain. The Rose is Richard Fisk, privileged son of the Kingpin who gets up to his own organized crime, only he wears a mask and likes keeping roses in his office, I think. Doesn’t matter. Richard Fisk isn’t much of anything, and he’s definitely nothing without his famous father. But if Sony is willing to make a Venom movie without Spider-Man, they’re definitely willing to make a Rose movie without Kingpin. Let’s hope they don’t.
Once upon a time, when Menace first arrived, I read an interview with one of her creators where they hoped she would be the big screen villain in the next Spider-Man movie. Menace. The worst of all the Green Goblin knock-offs. She was a weird character thrown into Brand New Day that crashed and burned, much like many of those villains. But she’s a goblin whose not the main goblin. She’s got that name that could stand alone as its own thing. She’s a female villain, and surely Sony wants to capitalize on that. I can just see those psychopaths thinking Menace was their ticket to a new stand alone movie. That would be just like them. Those psychopaths.