Any Bart Allen fans holding out hope, after all this time, that the character and his origins were still somehow in tact, can go ahead and despair with the new issue of Teen Titans. Just like Wonder Girl, Superboy and Red Robin, Kid Flash’s origin is completely re-written for the New 52. Nothing of the original Bart, short of the time travel, remains. There was never any Impulse and there is clearly no connection to Barry Allen or the Flash. Writer Scott Lobdell lays out Kid Flash’s origin in this issue, from how he got his speed powers to how he ended up in the 21st century. And as is expected from Teen Titans, none of it is particularly interesting.

Teen Titans #26

When it comes to a space-age character origin, I can’t really say Bart’s story is very bad. It’s fine, perhaps even a little interesting. As for an origin to Kid Flash, and his place in the Teen Titans and DCU, it’s definitely worse than from before the reboot.

Comic Rating: 3/10 – Bad.

I feel bad for any Bart Allen fans who still had hope, but then, were there any left? Was anybody still expecting him to be the grandson of Barry Allen delivered from the future? That, at least, had a connection to the Flash mythos. That provided meaning and importance to the character, making him a part of the Flash legacy. But nope, not anymore. Everything you knew about Bart Allen is gone. Now, instead, he’s Bar Torr, a freedom fighter turned traitor from far into the future. There are a ton of questions and plot holes in this new origin, and parts of it that just don’t make any sense. And what any of this has to do with the DC Universe as a whole is beyond my understanding.

Wait until you see how he gets super speed. It’s…disappointing, to say the least. There are a lot of disappointing parts to Bart’s origin. I wonder if this was Lobdell and DC’s plan from the beginning. Have they just been sitting on this origin, waiting for he chance to tell it? Or was Lobdell just making it up as he went along when writing this issue? Because the plot holes are so huge you could fit Titans Tower through them. And the leap from Bar Torr to Kid Flash comes out of nowhere.

So strap in, Bart Allen fans, and prepare to have everything you ever loved about the character stripped away.

Kid Flash has been hooked up to a fancy future machine, which is reading his memories and broadcasting them on view screens for the Titans and the future space cops. His story begins when Bar Torr was only 8-years-old on the planet Altros Prime, living with his religious parents and his sister, Shira. They lived under the rule of the Functionary, who sent a squad of Purifiers to kill his parents for speaking out against the Functionary.

Dead parents are a classic

Bar remained hidden until the Purifiers went next door to kill his neighbors. Then he grabbed his sister and made a break for it. They spent the next few years living alone on the streets. They stole to survive, fought off people who would do them harm, and Bar even killed when he had to, in order to protect himself and Shira. Eventually, Bar sent his sister to live in a monastery, the Sisterhood of the Word. She didn’t want to go, but it was probably best for her.

Then he went and volunteered to become a Purifier, or at least join the ranks of their expendable child lackeys. He got a job transporting cargo across dangerous terrain.

It’s a living

And here is where Bar Torr got his super speed. It’s not a very good superhero origin, to say the least.

One day, while transporting this cargo, Bar’s ship crashed and he ended up trapped on the dangerous planet. But rather than die, like everybody expected, he simply developed super speed. Because that’s how it works.

Not exactly a classic superhero origin

That’s it right there, folks, that’s Kid Flash’s new origin. He got super speed just because. Sigh.

Anyway, so the Purifiers eventually showed up after a few days to try and recover his cargo. Bar not only survived on that dangerous alien planet for all that time, but he also mastered his super speed. He quickly put it to use for revenge.

Sweet, sweet revenge

From there, Bar started a campaign of destruction against the Functionary. He attacked Purifier soldiers and began to inspire his people to rise up against their oppressors. He built an army of the disenfranchised, and together they stole ships and weapons. Bar led a full-on rebellion against the Functionary! And that, at least, is pretty cool. Seems kind of standard when it comes to future space stories, but so what? Nothing really wrong with that. It’s a pretty heroic origin for the guy. But again, what that has to do with having super speed is anyone’s guess. That part is just incredibly random. But it’ll get more random in a bit, just wait.

Tragedy struck in the middle of the rebellion when Bar discovered his sister on the battlefield. Growing up in the monastery, she eventually became your typical Funtionary loyalist, and sure enough, she fought on their side in the war.

Don’t go soft on us now, Bar Torr!

Don’t worry, she’s not dead.

But almost killing his sister is enough motivation for Bar to turn traitor on his people. He turned himself in to the Functionary and ratted out everyone in the rebellion. And here is where things get kind of weird. I’ll just post the page so you can see for yourself. Somehow, the story goes from Bar betraying the rebellion…to him being shipped into the past to become Kid Flash.

Can you see how this doesn’t make any sense? And sounds almost made up on a whim? It’s like there are two separate stories going here that just don’t work together. We’ve got the space age rebellion vs. empire story, which is fine, if a little generic and uninspiring. But then Lobdell randomly tacks on all the Kid Flash origin stuff. Suddenly Bar Torr gets super speed, just because. And the Functionary sends him back in time for witness protection? They have that kind of technology? Let alone that policy? Is there anyone else they’ve sent back in time for this purpose? Or is Bar Torr the first and only person in their entire history that they randomly shunted back in time? Why even do it at all? And why not keep an eye on him when they did? Did they really just hide him in the past and then lose track of him?

In an earlier interlude, from that Brain 3 woman, she explained to the Teen Titans that they hid him in an obscure corner of the universe for witness protection, and gave him a new identity. There was no where else to hide him except back in time? And was there nobody with him? Nobody keeping track of him? And ‘obscure corner of the universe’? Hello! They sent him back to the time period of Superman, who I’m fairly certain, based on Legion of Superheroes history, is one of the most important and influential people in the history of the universe!

And where does the Kid Flash thing come from? Did the Functionary give him that identity? Or did the mind-erased Bart Allen take it upon himself? And why? Was he inspired by the Flash? He had to have been. But if that’s the case…what the heck were the Functionary thinking leaving him there? And if the Functionary gave him the name ‘Bart Allen’, what was possibly going through their minds? They send him back to the time of Superman and then base his new identity on one of Superman’s closest allies? None of this makes any sense.

The issue ends with Bart pleading to the other Titans that he’s a changed man. Maybe Lobdell will actually surprise us and the Titans won’t just automatically take him back.

(Also, for anyone curious, the fight between Superboy and Wonder Girl was picked up in Superboy #26, where the evil Jon Kent decided to play along and pretend to be Kon. Not that any of that is really mentioned in this issue.)

So this is the New 52 origin of Kid Flash. It’s as long and convoluted as any superhero origin could possibly be, involving the far future, a space rebellion, random, questionable time travel, even more random super speed and then an as of yet even more ultra random addition of the Kid Flash identity. And I thought it was a stretch that the original Kid Flash got his powers by recreating Barry Allen’s accident with lightning and chemicals.

Teen Titans #26 tells the origin in an easy to understand manner. The writing isn’t so bad in this issue. But give this origin a second glance, and it’s full of so many insane and illogical holes! There are endless questions about why this doesn’t work. And so many other meaningless leaps in story. There’s no real reason why Bar Torr gets super speed. And there’s no reason why he chose to become Kid Flash. This is a cobbled together story that’s supposed to be the new, defining origin for a very popular character. And it doesn’t just undo the first origin, the one that made him popular in the first place; it replaces it with something worse.

Teen Titans is the unwanted, awkward step-child of the rest of the DC Universe.