I think Teen Titans #22 is where the series finally loses its mind. It’s jumped the shark. There is only the insane ramblings of a madman who has too much else to worry about, and can no longer be bothered to tell an even partially coherent story. Scott Lobdell is off writing both Superman comics. He’s got a lot on his plate. So clearly when it came time to write Teen Titans #22, he simply went off the deep end. Everything he may have learned in story-telling school has gone right out the window.

Teen Titans #22

Unprecedented recap page. The Deus ex Machina Squad. Trigon quitting. Evil Red Robin defeated off-panel. It’s all just so…so…lame.

Comic Rating: 2/10 – Very Bad.

On the one hand, the comic is comprehensible. I know what’s happening, I can understand what’s intended. But on the other hand, every other aspect of this comic is a wreck. It’s given up all pretense of being about the characters, and is instead just a rambling befuddlement of stuff that’s happening to a random, somewhat familiar group of superheroes. There’s no cohesion anymore. Issues don’t flow together. Characters are nothing more than colorful bodies who spout painful dialogue, and do what is required of them by the writer. Plot threads are dropped or dismissed seemingly at random, with only a little hand-waving to explain them away. While other plot threads just pop up out of nowhere and make no sense in the larger series.

Nothing matters anymore. Nothing. No friendships, no relationships, no idea of teamwork or why they’re even doing this. The Teen Titans are a train wreck. And the worst part is that they will now always be a train wreck.

Remember, there are no previous versions of the Titans. There is no long legacy of Teen Titans to fall back on anymore, not in the New 52 universe. It’s just Red Robin and this band of idiot misfits grouped together for the sake of hanging a series on. And it’s garbage, pure garbage. I’m pretty sure this book is surviving on name recognition alone at this point. But if it keeps going like this, Teen Titans isn’t going to have a name to bank on anymore.

Right away, on the very first page, Teen Titans #22 opens with insanity. I’ve been reading this series since issue #1 (regrettably), and yet all of a sudden, Lobdell decides to open with a recap page! But not even a real recap page, like they do over at Marvel. Instead, Beast Boy just randomly recaps the storyline so far, apropos of nothing. It’s a bald-faced, desperate attempt to get everyone up to speed. It’s barbaric.

Yet another character dressed in red

Maybe if DC actually did recap pages, it would work. They don’t. And neither does Teen Titans. It makes no sense.

So anyway, Trigon reappeared at the end of last issue and took over the minds of most of the Teen Titans. For some reason, he didn’t bother with Red Robin, Beast Boy or Raven, for no particular reason, other than if he’d taken over all of them, we wouldn’t have a story anymore. So, those three are free, and that’s the way it’s going to be. There was nothing stopping him from taking over all of them, but he just didn’t do it.

Trigon sends his Titan slaves to attack, and even though Kid Flash is drawn running, he still takes several panels to arrive anywhere. Seriously, he’s got that blur of motion behind him, but Trigon is able to deliver an entire evil speech before Kid Flash even gets anywhere near Raven. And not just any Raven, no sir. Raven helpfully explains that she has randomly split herself into several duplicates to take on all the Titans, but doing so has weakened her – which she explains out loud, and for which the evil Titans thank her for revealing her weakness.

Really? That happened? That was a scene that happened? Lobdell does know that he’s writing the dialogue for both sides in that exchange, right? It’s like he wrote Raven saying something stupid, realized how stupid it was, then decided to have the other Titans mock its stupidity in the exact same panel!

Anyway, Kid Flash tries to attack one of the Ravens, then delivers some incredibly clunky dialogue about his mysterious, dark origins.

Super speed means squat

As if we’ve been allowed to forget that Kid Flash comes from the future. Though that bit about his family is new.

So Kid Flash and Raven fight. Superboy and Raven fight. Bunker and Raven fight. Beast Boy attacks Trigon by turning into an octopus, but that accomplishes nothing. And this won’t be the only time I point out that no groundwork has been laid whatsoever for Beast Boy joining this series. He was in The Ravagers, which got cancelled (like we all knew it would), and now he’s just with the Teen Titans. There was no discussion, no build up, no anything. Raven just grabbed him randomly before the fight, and now he’s here and he’s a Titan fighting Trigon. This is not logical.

Then Red Robin decides to get involved, and provides the only proof I need that this issue was half-assed. Here is his internal monologue on one page:

And then here he is, only two pages later, after stabbing Trigon in the head with his “inertrite wings” – which is a word that Lobdell made up to describe Red Robin’s wings. It means nothing.

“I’m just a kid…”

Really!? Red Robin says the exact same thing only two pages apart? Clearly, Lobdell wrote the first scene, then stepped away from his computer for awhile, then came back and wrote the next panel, having forgotten that he used the same line before. It’s the only explanation. Other than him losing his mind. And since when does Red Robin see himself as ‘just a kid’?

On the very next page, Trigon disappears. He pulls the wings out of his eye, mocks Red Robin for being weak, and then retreats. Poof, he’s gone! That’s it then.

This fight has been insane, and not in a good way. Trigon shows up, battles the Titans, disappears, sends his sons instead, then shows up again, only to disappear a few pages later. What the hell is his strategy? Why does he  retreat at all? Clearly getting stabbed in the eye by inertrite wings didn’t mean jack. He pulls them out and just keeps talking as if it’s nothing. The Titans can barely touch him, but he keeps retreating. Why!?

Anyway, the Titans all snap out of their possession, having accomplished absolutely nothing. Beast Boy turns into a lion and starts licking Wonder Girl, until Superboy pulls him away for a hug to keep him from getting his mane ripped off by a girl who doesn’t like to be licked. It’s exactly as awkward as I describe it. Bunker asks how they’re going to clean up the mess.

And then the issue loses its mind.

Several people in suits, who I believe we saw briefly last issue, step out of a portal and announce themselves as members of a “transpatial initiative”.

There is no logic in this place

They exist for one reason and one reason only: to wipe everything that happened under the table. They are a Deus Ex Machine Squad, except they’re not called that, which might have been clever. They are simply a nonsensical group of suits who promise the Titans that they will clean up the mess, create a cover story for the media, take Psimon off their hands, and reveal that the soldiers that were killed earlier were simply an illusion created by Trigon, so nobody is dead. There is nothing for the Titans to worry about, because this fresh batch of insanity is just going to clean it up, no questions asked.

The big battle with Trigon gets wiped clean without any repercussions, and they leave by saying they hope the Titans never see them again.

What the heck did I just read!? Where did they come from? Why would they do this? The leader mentions repaying some debt, but this is the first we’ve heard about it reading Teen Titans. It comes out of freakin’ nowhere and just clears away all of the rubble Lobdell had created. It’s insane. The whole idea is insane. What connection could it possibly have with the rest of the DC Universe? What purpose could this group possibly serve? And why the Teen Titans? It makes no sense! No sense!

And a moment later, nobody cares about them at all. The Titans return to their yacht and change into comfortable clothes to chat and make merry, and welcome Raven to the team. You’ll notice that nobody welcomes Beast Boy to the team. Nope. He’s just automatically a member. No explanation. No set up. He’s just a member, and now so is she.

And then she explains what happened to Evil Tim Drake.

Awwwwwkwwaaaaard!

Remember all those times Tim had evil eyes and did something evil? Remember how he hasn’t done that for several issues now? Well apparently sometime in the fight, he simply overcame Trigon’s evil tampering. That’s all it took. All that build up to Evil Tim Drake is wiped away with a little hand-waving from Raven. That’s it.

Oh, and she totally just told everybody about Tim hooking up with Cassie and Kiran. That’s kind of rude. But it’s one way to create drama, I suppose. Just throw it out there without any ceremony or skill.

Though I will give the book one iota of credit. On the next page, we find out that Raven is still working for Trigon, and that all of this was a ploy to get her onto the team.

What a tweest!

I didn’t see that twist coming…but the twist doesn’t make any sense. Why does Trigon need a spy on the Teen Titans? How does that further his goals of conquest? What are they to him? They’re only involved because Raven fancied them from afar…though is that bit of her origin a lie? And for that matter, what about the Justice League? Does Trigon think the Teen Titans are Earth’s only champions?

There’s no explanation, and I wonder if we’ll ever get any.

Cutting back to the Teen Titans, everybody storms out on Tim, even Beast Boy, though he shouldn’t have any idea what’s going on, or any reason to care.

Kiran chases after Kid Flash to talk to him about kissing Tim. She’s also wearing clothes over her black body. Has she done that before? Doesn’t she usually just sit around letting her black onyx body count as clothing? Anyway, Kid Flash is heartbroken, and he’s pushed a bunch of stuff in front of the door. This would be the perfect time for some real drama, but nope! Like every other potential character-building moment in this series, it’s immediately interrupted by a visitor from the future, who has come to collect Bart for his crimes. Because now it’s time to tell Kid Flash’s origin, and this guy pulls him through a portal back to the future.

Because of course he does. Because god forbid we actually deal with the fallout of what happened to Tim and the others. Nope! We need to go on a jaunt through time and space chasing Kid Flash. Who, by the way, apparently doesn’t need to wear his costume anymore to maintain his powers. Remember when that was a thing?

This issue was very bad, on so many levels. The fight with Trigon is worthless. The villain takes maybe one blow, then immediately retreats for the second or third time in the battle. What exactly is his plan if it’s not to conquer? Is his plan just to mess with the Teen Titans? Is that why he has Raven posing as a spy? That makes no sense! Who are the Teen Titans to Trigon? Why does he care about them at all?

And for that matter, this whole story has just completely ignored the rest of the DC Universe. Nobody in any of the Justice Leagues cares at all about Trigon attacking New York City? Not even Justice League Dark? And why doesn’t Trigon care about them? Surely he’s not blind, and he can’t legitimately think the Teen Titans are Earth’s only protectors. I guess they’re the only ones he cares about, and that his master plan is to make teenagers hook up in awkward ways. Brilliant! No wonder he was able to conquer so many dark realms. His evil plans are maddening.

When the issue isn’t maddening, it’s boring. The only Titan to get any sort of character development or inner monologue is Red Robin, and he spends that time pouting that he’s “just a kid”. That’s never seemed to bother him before. Since when does Red Robin whine about not having super-powers?

And those people in the suits! My god. They’re not even clever. It’s like Lobdell suddenly realized he’d created almost too big a scene by having the Teen Titans fight Trigon in the middle of New York City, and needed some way to say it could all be easily swept under the rug. So he created the most nonsensical solution possible to clean up his own mess. There is no explanation that could possibly be sufficient.

Teen Titans is a terrible comic. The plots are all over the place, when they’re not being outright dropped, and the characters are paper thin. There’s no attempt to build any sort of relationship between the team members, and even the idea of ‘team members’ is so incredibly fluid. Beast Boy joins just because he’s there. Raven gets to join in a little ceremony. And since when did anybody care about Skittles? Was she not working out, so she got unceremoniously dumped a year ago? Is that why we haven’t heard from her since? And why nobody bothers to look for her?

This comic has gone off the rails, and I fear that there is no repairing the damage. How could the series recover from this? Someone would have to just wipe this team clean and start fresh. There is still potential to this series, I think. These characters, at their most basic, could still be used for something good. But Lobdell is not the man to do it.