I’ve been writing a lot lately about how my favorite comic book stories are the ones that focus on the characters as people first and superheroes second. I want to read about heroes who have real lives to worry about, with real drama, real friends, and who act like real people. Scarlet Spider is a comic that definitely gets it, but at the same time, it makes one crucial mistake: Kaine is the center of his social life, and everyone revolves around him. And considering the character and the story, that shouldn’t be the case at all, and it’s a little weird.

Scarlet Spider #16

Still, Scarlet Spider remains an entertaining comic. Here is a done-in-one story about love and romance, which I very much enjoyed, but which was hampered by terrible art.

Comic Rating: 4/5: Good.

The sooner Khoi Pham is gone from this comic, the better. I’ve disliked his style since he started drawing Scarlet Spider, and this is his worst issue yet. There’s a big, climactic moment towards the end of the issue that writer Chris Yost has been building towards for some time, and Yost nails the scene, but Pham fails to stick the artistic landing. And it’s a real shame too, because I thought the story served the moment very well. At least Pham draws a very good Armadillo.

Anyway, as I was saying, the one problem with Scarlet Spider is that Kaine is the center of his social life. According to the story, Kaine simply arrived in Houston one day, and just happened to meet Wally, Donald and Annabelle over the course of his first few days in the city. That they became friends isn’t the issue, it’s that Wally, Donald and Annabelle don’t seem to have lives outside of Kaine. One would think that they had their own friends and family, and entire lives in Houston before Kaine randomly showed up. Yet everything they do seems to involve Kaine, each other and Aracely. It’s a weird gripe, I know, but it reinforces the fiction of it all.

Still, it always makes for a good comic when your love story  involves Scarlet Spider fighting the Armadillo at a rodeo!

We open at the Four Seasons Hotel, where Kaine can feel a horrible omen in the air. Something bad is going to happen. He can feel it from the moment he wakes up. But it’s not Aracely, who’s floating upside down over her bed, and it’s not the news report about the Superior Spider-Man attacking Screwball and Jester. It’s not the gang war in Houston, or the fact that Kaine sees his monstrous Other self when he looks in the mirror.

It’s the fact that Donald and Wally want to take him to the rodeo!

Yippekayay…

It’s the annual Houston Livestock Show and Rodeo, where the people of Houston dress up like cowboys and attend a good, old-fashioned rodeo! Aracely is having a ball. She points to rodeo star Wyatt Taft riding a bucking bronco, then uses her powers to read that he just got engaged to his girlfriend Daisy, he likes fast cars, his favorite color is lavender and he’s very dreamy. Wally marvels at how she could know so much about Taft, considering she didn’t even know what a rodeo was until yesterday. But he’s interrupted by the arrival of Annabelle, dressed as quite the sexy cowgirl.

Kaine immediately says something stupid, though. Annabelle greets him with a hug and tells him she’s glad he came. Kaine tells her, “that makes one of us.” Not exactly what she wanted to hear…

Women, amiright?

Everybody else points out how stupid Kaine is, and that she obviously likes him. Kaine doesn’t believe it, but they convince him to run after her.

We cut to an annoying news reporter stereotype interviewing Wyatt Taft, and generally pissed that he’s spending his career covering a rodeo. You know the type. He’s prissy and pompous and complains – in full view of the rodeo star – how dull rodeos are. He also says things like, “Compassion doesn’t get ratings.” Ugh. Being a journalist myself, I hate the stereotypes of my profession.

We cut back to Kaine, who finally catches up to Annabelle and tells her that it can’t work between them. But she gives him a piece of her mind. So Kaine thinks he’s a monster, well she’s met monsters, and Kaine isn’t one of them. He’s not the only person with bad times in their past. Speaking of which, Annabelle’s ex-boyfriend Ray shows up at that moment, and he’s a pretty big dude.

Annabelle likes’em big

Ray is the typical ex-boyfriend jerk who wants to get back together with Annabelle, but according to his rules, and despite her not wanting anything to do with him. Kaine comes between them and tells Ray to back off, but they’re all interrupted by a new arrival in the rodeo ring!

It’s Armadillo!

Oh hells yeah!

For those who don’t know, Armadillo is a classic baddie who always pops up now and again. He was a member of the Rangers during the 50 State Initiative, though he’s usually a bad guy.

Aracely is delighted to see him.

I do hope ‘roly-poly’ is a real term

Armadillo is crying about his girlfriend Daisy, who seems to have left him. He’s drunk, and vomiting, and telling her that he can be a cowboy too. He tries to ride a bull. The cops enter the arena and draw down on the blundering, blathering Armadillo. Can’t they see he’s just an armadillo in love?

Scarlet Spider, of course, rides to the rescue – literally. He grabs a horse and races across the arena to rope Armadillo up with his webbing. Like a real cowboy!

Wally gets down to the arena floor and he tells the other officers to stand down and let Scarlet Spider handle the Armadillo. Kaine faces off against the big brute, but he can see that Armadillo is actually crying. The two trade blows as the Armadillo explains through his tears that his girlfriend left him because he’s a big giant monster and not a dreamy rodeo star. You’ll recall that Daisy just got engaged to Wyatt Taft.

Kaine gets the upper hand, and he tells Armadillo that if he ever wants to really be happy, he has to be willing to let Daisy go. It’s for the best. Though he can’t bring himself to tell Armadillo that monsters like them don’t get to be happy…

Except, look who comes running across the arena for the Armadillo!

Ain’t true love grand?

Daisy tells him through her own tears that when he was fired from the Rangers, he became so distant and quiet, she thought he was unhappy. She just wants him to be happy. Armadillo tells Daisy that she is what makes him happy. They share a passionate kiss, and the crowd goes wild!

Oh also, that jackass of a reporter scoffs at the romantic scene, and tells his cameraman that the Scarlet Spider is the story. They’re going to find out who he is.

Elsewhere, Ray is dragging Annabelle out of the arena. Kaine left her with him when he took off to fight the Armadillo. He tells her that he loves her so much, and she’ll remember that when she clears her head. But suddenly there’s Kaine in their path. Ray gets in his face, but Kaine takes him out with one punch!

Step 1

Annabelle asks what he’s doing…and he shows her!

Step 2

Such a magical moment!

If only it didn’t look like crap.

I think you’ll agree with me that the art is terrible. The two main characters are blobs, with no romance whatsoever in their kiss. Then there are the weirdly shaped, black and white cowboys all hanging around in the back. What’s up with that? This was such a fun – if slightly cliched – moment. Couldn’t Pham have drawn it any better?

Elsewhere, Aracley senses the moment with her powers, and calls this the “best rodeo ever.” She and Don rush off to find Wally to get him to smooth things over about Kaine punching that guy, and Aracley says Ray is not as bad as his brother.

Oh, also, Kraven and his daughter are in the crowd watching, but he tells her now is not the time to act just yet.

We then flashback to two days prior, and the letter that ‘Kaine Parker’ received from Madame Webb. She tells him that he has to leave, that everyone will die and that he should go on to Mexico, like he’d planned. Nobody knew who to give the letter to, and eventually one of the hotel clerks passed it on to Annabelle, who promised to ask around her bar. But once the clerk left, Annabelle burned the letter!

Dun Dun Dunnn!

I guess. I’m not sure why it’s so wicked that Annabelle burned the letter. Granted, she probably wants Kaine to stay in Houston, but is that all there is? Maybe Annabelle has some kind of deep, dark, evil secret. That would be kind of neat. Like I said up above, it would be good to know that Annabelle and the others had some kind of life before Kaine showed up in Houston. So it’s an improvement to know she had an ex-boyfriend, though one would think we’d have heard of him before now, considering what a stalker he is. Still, kudos to Kaine for stepping up and winning the girl like that.

I loved the Armadillo story. I love when villains are treated like people too. Armadillo is one of those go-to villains who is always dropped into any story where a quick villain is needed; this issue, for example. But Yost uses him to fun effect, showing that monsters can know love as well as anyone else. It’s a lesson that Kaine needs to learn. Though, I suppose, Yost is being pretty obvious about it. But that’s not a problem for me. I don’t mind writers being obvious. It’s still a fun story about a hero fighting a villain that ends in a way no one really expected.

Scarlet Spider remains a strong book, and there are no signs – that I know of – about it being cancelled. So rock on, Scarlet Spider! Just get a new artist.