Do you like Batman and the X-Men? Because those are the only comics that came out this week! Or at least, they’re the only comics on my pull list this week (if we don’t count Scarlet Spider). But wow, what  a great week for Batman and the X-Men! Death of the Family ends in Batman, with a sort-of epilogue in Batman and Robin. The Internet is crowing about the finale of Scott Snyder’s Joker story…but I just don’t get it. Sorry. I guess it went right over my head. Still entertaining though.

The real treasure this week is the first issue of Brian Michael Bendis’ Uncanny X-Men, debuting Cyclop’s new team of mutant revolutionaries! I have very much been looking forward to this comic, and it does not disappoint! Uncanny X-Men #1 easily wins Comic Book of the Week!

Pax Utopia

Comic Reviews: Batman #17, Batman and Robin #17, Uncanny X-Men #1, Wolverine and the X-Men #25. 

Batman #17

Batman #17
Writer: Scott Snyder
Artist: Greg Capullo

Well, this is it, the finale to Death of the Family, the first real Joker story of the DCnU. Does it live up to the hype? No, I don’t think so. Is it the best Joker story ever told? Not by a long shot. Is it at least a good comic? Yeah, I suppose so. I’m willing to admit that maybe I just don’t get it. I read a review elsewhere on the web that claimed this was all some kind of meta-commentary on the Joker, and that the joke was on us, the reader. That Joker is not an ogre, he doesn’t have layers. When you peel back a layer on the Joker (his face), all you find is more Joker. And I guess that works, maybe, I don’t know; I just didn’t get it. Snyder wrote a very good Joker, and the first issue of the story was quite chilling. But in the end, everything Snyder has been building mostly falls apart…but I guess that was the point? I dunno.

Please, someone in the comments, if you understood the point and loved this issue, please tell me why! I want to understand, but all the review websites that gave this issue a perfect score are spoiler free, so the reviewers couldn’t explain what it is specifically that was so good.

Joker has kidnapped Batman and all of his sidekicks and tied them up around a dinner table somewhere deep in the tunnels near the Batcave. Everyone has a serving tray in front of them, and each of the sidekicks has a bag over their head. They are also all doused in gasoline, with the flints underneath Batman’s chair. So if the Dark Knight tries to escape, all of his sidekicks go up in flames. Joker rants on and on for awhile about how Batman loves Joker more than he loves all of the sidekicks, and he’s going to make Batman prove it! But first, some reveals: Alfred is not dead, merely Jokerized. And underneath the serving trays are all the sidekicks faces on ice! Joker cut them off, and underneath the bags, their faces are wrapped in bloody bandages! Gruesome.

So Joker proposes a challenge to Batman. Either Batman get up out of that chair and light his own sidekicks on fire, thereby proving his love for the Joker, or Joker will just light a match and burn the sidekicks himself. Batman chooses the former, ripping the chair off its base and starting the fires. But he only did that so that he could break out of the chair and use an explosive on the tunnel ceiling, since he knows the tunnels very well, and knows there is water right above them to douse the fire. The sidekicks are saved and it’s revealed that Joker was only bluffing about the face thing. They’re all fine. Joker flees into the tunnel system and Batman pursues.

He catches up to Joker on the edge of a cliff, and I think at this point it’s revealed that Joker never actually made it into the Batcave all those years ago when Batman found the card, that Joker only made it this far into the cave system. Joker tells Batman that he should to go back and save his sidekicks, because Joker left a Joker Gas bomb and now all of the sidekicks and Alfred are trying to kill each other. But Batman says he has faith in his people, and he’s right, the sidekicks slowly, one-by-one, will themselves out of the Joker Gas. That leaves Batman to finally turn the tables on Joker and reveal that Batman knows Joker’s identity! Batman figured it out, and he’s going to tell Joker his real name…but rather than hear it and ruin the game, Joker breaks free of Batman’s grasp and leaps off the cliff into the dark unknown.

In the end, everybody is pretty much fine, physically. But each of the sidekicks makes an excuse not to show up for the debriefing. At least Alfred is going to make a full recovery. Bruce also reveals to his butler that the reason he was so confident that Joker didn’t know their secret identities is because Joker doesn’t care to know. After he found that card in the Batcave, Batman reveals that he went to visit the Joker in Arkham Asylum as Bruce Wayne. He went straight up to Joker’s cell to return the card, revealing himself – but when Joker turned to look, Bruce knew that Joker didn’t really see him at all. Joker doesn’t have any interest in Bruce Wayne because that would ruin his fun.

There’s also a little thing where Batman discovers traces of some kind of unknown radioactive element in the Joker Gas. The Batcomputer susses it out to be the element hahnium (or dubnium), which has the chemical symbol of ‘Ha’. So I guess that’s Joker’s last laugh? Probably.

Comic Rating: 4/5: Good.

I have to admit that the issue had some good scenes and some strong moments. Batman turning the tables on the Joker was cool, and for a time I actually thought Joker had cut the faces off the sidekicks. The art, as always, was spectacular. But overall, this story has done nothing for me. I’m already not a big fan of the Joker, but I know he can lead to some great stories. But this wasn’t one of them, at least not for me. Like I said earlier, Snyder can write a really good, really creepy Joker. He’s got that down pat. But everything else was mediocre at best. None of Joker’s plans or schemes really amounted to anything, and apparently everything literally fell apart just because Batman poured some water on it. Was that supposed to be taken literally? That Joker’s plan is all wet?

None of Snyder’s build up led to anything. The handyman jumpsuit? Nothing. Remaking Arkham Asylum? Nothing. Inviting all of the other villains to the celebration? Nothing. The whole Batman=King motif? Nothing. Kidnapping Alfred? Nothing. Cutting off his face? Maybe something, kind of. There was nothing clever about any part of Joker’s plan. It’s just mindless insanity. Was that the point? Is that it? That the Joker is just mindless insanity? If that’s your interpretation of the Joker, then fine. But I like my Joker to have a method to his madness, a point he’s trying to make or a clever twist or something to make the story worthwhile.

The only real victim in all of this is Nightwing. He lost all of his new supporting cast and status quo for a story that ended up going nowhere for the character. Poor guy.

Batman and Robin #17

Batman and Robin #17
Writer: Peter J. Tomasi
Artist: Pat Gleason

The death of Damian Wayne seems imminent, so this might be one of the last stories we ever get of the badass Boy Wonder. I wasn’t a fan of Damian when he first appeared, but I must admit that he has grown on me as a character – though never as Robin. I never felt Damian was a good fit for the role. He’s great as Damian, sure. But he’s only ever been Damian. He only became Robin because that was the name that Batman’s sidekicks take. And as I’ll explain in a blog post some day, whenever a person becomes ‘Robin’ specifically instead of just ‘Batman’s sidekick’, it always ends badly.

In the wake of Death of the Family, Batman, Robin and Alfred all go to sleep and have some odd dreams. Damian first dreams about drowning each of his allies, but freaks out when he sees Alfred drowning. He wakes up to a Robin on his bed, then hears his father ringing for him. When he runs to find his dad, Batman is sitting in his study with a giant bat suckling at his neck. This part was also a dream. Alfred has the best dream where he dreams of blowing the Joker’s head off with a shotgun. Hells yeah.

Batman has a weird dream involving his parents, a folded paper boat and his villains attempting to sink the boat. Batman beats them off, telling them that he doesn’t need them. Then a giant Joker whale bursts out of the water to swallow everyone whole. As Batman sinks, he’s rescued by Robin. Bruce wakes up and goes to his son’s room, tucking in the sleeping boy. This gives Damian one final, happy dream of he and his father kicking butt as Batman and Robin.

Comic Rating: 4/5: Good!

I’m rarely a fan of dream sequences. The imagery and metaphor tends to go over my head. There was a lot I probably missed in this issue too. Like Joker as Moby Dick? Although I guess even I could understand the imagery of a big, white whale. This issue did little to explore the ramifications of Death of the Family, but it was still generally entertaining. I especially liked Alfred’s dream. That was damn awesome.

Uncanny X-Men #1

Uncanny X-Men #1
Writer: Brian Michael Bendis
Artist: Chris Bachalo

Oh man, oh man, was I ever excited for this series. Ever since AvX: Consequences, I have been chomping at the bit to read Cyclops’ new series. And even though Bendis doesn’t have the exactly same take on the character as Kieron Gillen, this issue still lives up to the hype and excitement! Cyclops is the most dynamic character in comic books today, and that’s saying a lot for a character who has been around since the 60s. But I love the path Marvel has had for him over the past few years, and I’m very excited to see where his story goes. I’m grateful that Marvel didn’t make him a straight-up villain, and instead, Cyclops remains as much of a hero as he’s always been. But he’s a hero trapped in an unpleasant situation that was (mostly) not of his making. All of his friends and family hate him, most of them just want him to curl up and die, but Cyclops is not a quitter, especially not when the mutants of the world still need help. So he’s doing what he can to help in a world that definitely hates and fears him.

A traitor on Cyclops’ team visits SHIELD to give them information about the new mutant revolution. New mutants are popping up everywhere, and to many of them, Cyclops is a hero. But they don’t know that Cyclops’ powers don’t work properly anymore. The traitor tells Maria Hill about an incident in San Diego, where Cyclops’ team rescued a new mutant named Fabio, who suddenly developed the power to launch random golden balls out of his body. Cyclops saves Fabio from some brutal cops, then his team take down a fleet of Sentinels. Cyclops ends the fight by launching a powerful optic blast, but since his powers don’t work properly, he was acting very recklessly, because he could have hurt a lot of innocent people with that shot. Still, everybody’s fine and the team escapes with Fabio.

The traitor tells Hill that Cyclops is arrogant and dangerous, a murdering monster who killed Charles Xavier. The traitor wants Hill to help him expose Cyclops as a broken man, one who will self-destruct. If they force him to do so in public, then his popularity will crumble. And the traitor is…Magneto!

Comic Rating: 5/5: Great!

There wasn’t a lot of focus on Cyclops this issue, but it was still awesome. His new team is cool, and we even get to see some action for the new mutants he picked up in the pages of All-New X-Men. Part of it feels like Bendis is moving too quickly. If we include Fabio, that’s three or four new mutants who have joined the X-Men in quick succession. Wasn’t there a time when new X-Men were actually a big deal? Still, I’m hoping future issue will flesh them out more, and turn them into real characters instead of just props. I’m also very excited to see Bendis tackle Cyclops head on. I’m really hoping that he doesn’t take the easy route and just make Cyclops evil or insane. He’s far, far more interesting as a hero still trying to be a hero in a world that hates his guts and doesn’t want him anymore.

And I’m a little sad that the traitor turned out to be Magneto. The Cyclops/Magneto dynamic over the past few years has been amazing, especially in AvX: Consequences. I thought they’ve been a great team, showing real progress from the early days of the X-Men. Plus Magneto is just a cool character to have in this series, even if Bendis has nerfed his powers for some inexplicable reason. Hopefully this leads to a good story regardless of what happens to Magneto. I hope he doesn’t just go back to being a villain again.

I never really know what to say about art in these reviews. I’m not a very good art critic. I know what I like, I know what I hate and I know what I’ll abide. I’m not a huge Bachalo fan, but I’m willing to accept his artwork. Sometimes it can be annoying and hard to tell what’s going on, but sometimes he can be really good. I think this issue was a mix of the two. I hope Bachalo doesn’t stay on forever.

Wolverine and the X-Men #25

Wolverine and the X-Men #25
Writer: Jason Aaron
Artist: Ramon Perez

I think the X-books are in a really good place these days. We have Bendis’ two titles, each of which are telling a different type of story, and then we’ve got Wolverine and the X-Men, which is the comedic, light-hearted take on the school itself. Each comic has its own unique voice and story, and I’m really enjoying all of them. Then there are the extraneous titles, like the two different X-Force comics, as well as Astonishing X-Men and the upcoming all-girl X-Men. But let’s not worry about those for now. Let’s talk about the latest issue of Wolverine and the X-Men, which definitely reinforces the comedic, student-focused status quo.

Wolverine is teaching a survival class in the Savage Land, and he’s brought along Quentin Quire, Glob Herman, Idie, Eye-Boy, Shark-Girl, Genesis, Spirte and an animalistic Broo. The group is a combination of new students and problem students, and Wolverine is hoping to teach them teamwork and just general character building as they try and survive among the dinosaurs. For the most part, nobody gets along, though they do manage to fight off a bunch of dinosaurs. Quentin tries to step up and get everyone to work together, but nobody wants to listen to him and they all go their separate ways. Wolverine is watching from the treetops, and he thinks he should just pack everyone away and go home…but then he’s ambushed by his older brother, Dog!

Comic Rating: 4/5: Good.

I enjoyed this issue, I really did, but I have a problem with this series as a whole: I just don’t care about any of Aaron’s favorite students. I don’t have a personal connection to any of them. That’s more my fault than Aaron’s, but on a personal level, it keeps me from from enjoying the book as much as I could. And I can’t even really blame Aaron for focusing on his favorite students. The lifespan of comic books these days is very short, even a series like this. Does everybody remember Regenesis? Marvel made a huge deal out of restarting its X-line, including the introduction of this comic, but Regenesis lasted maybe only six months before everything was blown apart with Avengers vs. X-Men. So there’s no telling when or how Aaron may have to give up this series. And with a time frame like that, I can’t blame him for wanting to focus on his favorite characters. I just personally don’t care for them, and I kind of wish he’d broaden the focus of Wolverine and the X-Men.

To be fair, he does a great job crafting the personalities and the conflicts with the characters, I just don’t like them and wish he’d try out some others for a change.

For example, in the back of this issue is an awesome chart detailing the faculty and student body of the Jean Grey School for Higher Learning. But looking over this list, I was surprised to learn that a lot of young X-Men are not only still alive, but are supposed to be students at the school! When was the last time we saw Dust, Anole, Bling! or even Hellion do anything? I’ve never even heard of Face or Cipher.

Granted, maybe these characters don’t sell. Marvel made a big deal out of Hope and the Five Lights, but when the series Generation Hope tanked, that’s a pretty big clue that nobody cares about those characters. Still, speaking purely for myself, I wish some of these other characters would get some focus in Wolverine and the X-Men. You can’t tell me that Quentin Quire and Hellion wouldn’t get along splendidly.

Speaking of which, I will say that Quentin Quire is growing on me. He’s the asshole with the secret heart of gold. That’s always fun. But the problem with Quentin Quire is that nobody will shut up about how much of a bad seed he is. Wolverine has a conversation with Beast in this issue, and he makes two separate cracks about Quire – in one conversation! And Quentin won’t shut up about himself either. Yet we rarely see Quentin ever being a bad kid. At most he’s smarmy or mildly mischievous, and Wolverine is clearly grooming him for a leadership role. It’s like somebody gave Aaron a note that says whenever Quentin Quire isn’t in the room, all the characters should be asking, “Where’s Quentin?”

Also, I still hate Idie. Completely and without compromise. She’s just terrible.

The comics I review in my Hench-Sized reviews are just the usual comics I pick up from my local shop any given week, along with a few impulse buys I might try on a whim. So if there are any comics or series you’d like me to review each week, let me know in the comments!