There’s no denying that Avengers vs. X-Men #8 is a definite step up in quality and clarity from last issue, but holy crap this is a frustrating comic. I’m trying to stay objective in this, I really am. But speaking as someone who supports Cyclops and the X-Men, Marvel doesn’t seem to have any idea what they’re trying to say with this story. Everything reads as if they’re trying to paint the X-Men as the overwhelming bad guys and the Avengers as the scrappy underdogs. But while that may be implied, at least in my opinion, it is not reflected in what actually happens on the page.

Avengers vs. X-Men #8

Or maybe I’m just reading this comic wrong. I just don’t know anymore. Suffice to say, this was an entertaining issue with a great fight scene and actual emotion and nuance pushing the narrative forward. Unfortunately, it’s just so damn frustrating!

Comic rating: 3/5: Alright!

I’ll get to specifics when I get to the synopsis, because I don’t want to spoil anything here in the opening segment. But basically the X-Men are painted as evil, violent monsters who must be stopped – but other than Namor attacking Wakanda, the X-Men have done nothing wrong. In fact, they’re doing great things that are making the world a better place. But they must be stopped, just because. Meanwhile, the Avengers are pig-headed bullies who are blindly following an arrogant and stubborn Captain America. Even Black Panther and Beast, who dared to question him two issues ago, are still gladly following Cap’s command.

Yet there are specific and actual lines of dialogue in this issue that reveal Captain America to be the jackass I said he was, who’s only interested in being right. It boggles the mind. If Marvel had decided to just go for it and have the Avengers be heroes and the X-Men be villains, maybe I’d like this comic book more. But they’ve so greatly smudged the two sides that it’s just getting too frustrating to fully enjoy.

At least the art is still great. This time by Adam Kubert. Marvel got some major art talent on this series. Join me after the jump for a full synopsis and a better explanation about what I’m getting at.

So we start where the last issue left off, with Phoenix Namor attacking the Avengers in Wakanda. He’s got his entire Atlantean army behind him, as well as a few tidal waves. I don’t think Wakanda is on the coast, but that’s not a big deal. Namor is a Phoenix now, he can bring the tidal waves to inner Africa. Buildings are falling, people are drowning and the Avengers are trying to flee through a portal to the mystical city of K’un Lun – or at least they were. Now they want to close the portal so that Namor’s “fish army” doesn’t get through.

For those who don’t know, K’un Lun is part of the Iron Fist franchise. For decades, it was just a name in the origin of a street-level superhero who basically knew mystical kung fu. Danny Rand went to K’un Lun to learn mystical kung fu. It exists on a different dimensional plane. Then a few years ago, Iron Fist had an amazing comic series, and both he and K’un Lun became important again. For the purpose of Avengers vs. X-Men, someone decided to K’un Lun would have some big connection to the Phoenix, so it’s important to the story.

I mention all of this because of a scene in this book when Iron Man, Wolverine and Hope flee to K’un Lun and close the portal behind them – leaving Iron Fist behind.

Grumpy Cap is grumpy

I love that moment. It’s like Marvel decided to throw a party at Iron Fist’s house, but he’s been kicked out while Wolverine has become the life of the party. Sorry Iron Fist. You have a bunch of cool stuff, but you yourself are not cool.

I also love Captain America’s super grumpy face.

Before he left, Iron Man told Cap, “Remember what I told you. Remember our secret weapon. Use it. Use it now!” What’s their secret weapon, you ask? We’ll find out later in this issue. And no, it’s not much of a secret…

Anyway, the next scene features a conversation between Captain America and Black Panther that perfectly captures my argument that Captain America is a pig-headed bully who is only interested in being right. It’s right there in black and white. Cap and Panther are running out to help the people of Wakanda. And whereas Panther sees his people in danger, all Captain America sees is that he was right!

Let’s throw an ‘I was right!” party!

I can’t believe Marvel would be so blatant about Captain America’s stubborn arrogance here. I make a bigger argument about it in my last review, if you want to read it. Captain America is only concerned with being right about the Phoenix. Even when Cyclops and the X-Men started using the Phoenix to make the world a better place, Cap just stuck his fingers in his ears and refused to admit that he’d been wrong. Even when his own members, including Panther, told him that there was no evidence that the PhoeniX-Men were evil, Cap continued to insist that the only option was killing them.

And here it is again. Captain America doesn’t see the drowning people of Wakanda. Captain America finally has his proof that he was right all along. That’s all he cares about: justifications for his actions, even if it’s after the fact.

And he’s not right. Captain America mentions Scott Summers…but it’s Namor attacking Wakanda. We’ll soon find out that Scott had no idea this was going on. Characters are going to literally come out and say that this is Namor being Namor.

So even when he’s got a shred of moral high ground, Captain America is still being an asshole. And I’m sorry Marvel, I’m not going to support this asshole in this conflict.

At any rate, we take a brief moment for Wolverine to show Hope that even in the mystical, interdimensional city of K’un Lun, he still knows everything.

Everybody get out your copy of 2000’s Iron Fist & Wolverine: Return to K’un Lun!

We cut back immediately to the fight as Captain America, Iron Fist and Black Panther take on an enraged Phoenix Namor. In theory, Namor also has an army of Atlanteans with him, but we only ever see just one. He’s around long enough to shout, “Die, surface dweller,” before getting punched by Cap. Still, I really like this fight, and it’s the start of an even bigger one. All of the heroes get some good moves in, and there’s real emotion behind it. We feel Black Panther’s pain for his people. And unlike most fights in Avengers vs. X-Men, this one lasts longer than a single panel.

We also understand Namor’s side of things, at least as far as Namor is concerned. As my brother has pointed out, Namor is a super-villain. Just because he’s done some good, and has been with the X-Men for a few years now, he is and always has been an arrogant bastard of a super-villain. So we understand his motivation here – he’s a petulant little asshole who just wanted an excuse to use his new powers to attack the surface world again. This is why I’ve never liked Namor.

So it’s pretty cool when we get a big splash page of the Avengers Assembling!

Why is Dr. Strange upside down?

And then the beatdown is on! Red Hulk, Thing, Thor, Dr. Strange, whoever else, they all get hits in on Namor! But being the Phoenix, he gets right back up and keeps fighting. He’s strong enough to break Red Hulk’s arm, and just keeps fighting back, while spouting typical arrogant Namor stuff. He shouts about how he is “homo superior” and how he is their king. He shouts about how the Phoenix chose him, so who are they to defy him?

Well let’s go check in on the rest of Homo Superior, shall we?

Back on Utopia, Magneto brings it to Cyclops’ attention that Namor is off making an ass of himself in Wakanda. Cyclops didn’t even know. So much for Captain America’s claim that Scott Summers was showing his hand. Then Emma reveals that she’s a total bitch, since she’s the one who sent Namor to Wakanda in the first place.

My brother may have been right about her…

What’d I tell you? Someone literally spelled it out that this was Namor being Namor. Cyclops and the X-Men are not to blame for Namor’s actions. I’ve never considered him a member of the X-Men anyway.

Still, Cyclops can recognize a problem, so he tells his team that they’re going to Wakanda, hopefully to clear this mess up.

No worries though, the Avengers have this well in hand. Captain America unleashes what I’m pretty sure is Iron Man’s ‘secret weapon’ that he mentioned earlier. What is the weapon? Why, it’s the Scarlet Witch, of course! The hero they’ve been talking about nonstop for the past two issues as being the only one who can fight the PhoeniX-Men. Not much of a secret. And how does she defeat Namor? Why, with vague pink magic blobs, of course!

Pew! Pew! Pew!

Somehow, she grits her teeth harder with her pink magic blobs than Namor grits his teeth with his Phoenix fire, and he crashes to Earth. He’s down, his body smoking, and the Avengers stand around wondering if they’ve won. Though Panther is still pretty worried that his country is rubble and his people are dead. But they don’t have long to worry, because the rest of the PhoeniX-Men show up and hover overhead. Captain America grits his teeth and tells them to “Come on!”  But they don’t do anything.

Until Namor’s Phoenix powers leave his body and return to the other four, empowering them even further.

And while they’re distracted, Cap activates his escape plan.

Fleeing? They never would have thought of that!

How are you “outsmarting them”? You’re fleeing. That’s all you’re doing. Running away while their backs are turned is not “outsmarting them”. You didn’t lure them there. This isn’t an ambush or a trap. You’re not getting one up on them. If anything, you just made them stronger by defeating Namor. You’re not outsmarting anybody, Captain America. How do you even know that the PhoeniX-Men can’t follow you to K’un Lun?

For that matter, how are you getting to K’un Lun? The mystical monk from K’un Lun said repeatedly in both this issue and last that punching a hole through time and space to bridge K’un Lun and Wakanda was very, very difficult. He also complained that it wouldn’t be easy to simply close the portal. Yet Tony Stark was able to whip you up some kind of super bracelet that creates a portal no problem? How is that possible?

The same way that Wanda’s vague pink magic defeated Namor, I guess. Also, is that bracelet the “secret weapon” that Iron Man mentioned? If so, why did he tell Cap to “use it now”?

Anyway, the PhoeniX-Men are still around, and basically just explain to the reader that they now have Namor’s Phoenix powers added on to their own. They also still have no real idea what happened. The only Avenger left is the Black Panther, who stares up at them angrily and wordlessly. Hey Panther, I hope you like what you get when you blindly follow Captain America and let him hide in your country.  The PhoeniX-Men basically seem to be at a lost as to what they should do next…

So that’s when Charles Xavier starts to telepathically scold Cyclops for something he didn’t do.

Click to enlarge

Stop what?

What do you want him to stop, Xavier? Do you want him to take away the food that they’ve given to the starving? Or take away all the water they brought to drought-inflicted lands? Do you know how many far corners of the world now have safe drinking water thanks to the PhoeniX-Men? Do you want them to stop doing that? Or maybe you want them to give all the African warlords their guns back? Maybe recruit the children back into their armies? Hey everybody, war is back on! Xavier said so!

Cyclops had nothing to do with this! Namor, a known super-villain, acted purely on his own (Emma helped), and he acted how he always acts. And, just like always, the superheroes defeated him. He’s lost his power, he won’t do it again, and hopefully he’ll be severely punished for what he did. Emma too.

So what do you want Cyclops to stop!?

Do you remember that everyone thought the Phoenix was coming to destroy the Earth? And nobody knew how to stop it? The Avengers’ plan was to basically kidnap Hope Summers and just sort of hope that she could stop it. The only one who had a plan for dealing with the oncoming Phoenix was Cyclops – and his plan worked! Sure he didn’t intend to become the host, but since he did, he’s made the world a better place. And the people love him for it! In the last issue, there was that one throwaway line about how the people of the world love the PhoeniX-Men and all they are doing.

And what exactly do you want Cyclops to do? He didn’t call the Phoenix to Earth, it came on its own. Is he supposed to know how to send the Phoenix back off into space, never to trouble the Earth again? Is it even possible to willingly cast off the Phoenix and no longer be its host?

Cyclops and the PhoeniX-Men are making the best of a bad situation. They didn’t want the Phoenix powers, but now that they have them, they’re being heroes about it. Cyclops and the others can’t be blamed for Namor being a colossal jerkass.

So go to hell, Charles Xavier, you sanctimonius prick.

Why don’t you go join the Avengers? They seem to have it all figured out, how they’re going to kill the very people who are making the world a better place. Oh no wait, they have no god damned idea what they’re going to do.

Looks like you backed the wrong horse, Hope, you traitorous moron

This is why I don’t get this comic anymore. They clearly want to paint the X-Men as bad guys and the Avengers as heroes, but it’s being forced on us. Marvel controls this story. They are writing it. They planned it out. So why the hell are they being so weak-willed when it comes to the heroes and the villains? Why are the X-Men evil if all they’re doing is making the world a better place? Why are the Avengers the good guys when they’re only concerned with proving themselves right, where their only plan is to basically murder the PhoeniX-Men?

If you want to make the X-Men bad guys, then just do it. If you want to make the Avengers heroes, then just do it.

If I open up the next issue and Cyclops all of a sudden has enslaved the entire world without any provocation, then to hell with this comic.