One of the greatest video gaming regrets in my life is that I never beat the expansion pack to Diablo 2, call The Lord of Destruction. I beat normal Diablo 2 multiple times, but whenever I tried to play the new expansion level, something came up and I never made it very far, let alone to the final fight against Baal. And I loved Diablo 2, so I don’t know what my problem was!

It definitely wasn’t the badass characters

For those of you who don’t know video games, expansion packs were sort of mini sequels to popular games, adding new content and new levels just for the fun of it. You started with the main game, and then a few months or years later, the developers would come out with an expansion and basically say, “We know you love our game, so here’s even more of it to play! Plus new characters! New accessories! Basically just a bunch of new stuff! Now where’s our money?”

We happily paid them.

The best things to come out of the Diablo 2 expansion pack were two new character classes: the Assassin and the Druid. I played as both, though the latter was my favorite. Not only could the Druid rain fiery meteors down upon his enemies, but he summoned wild animals to his side, and was both a werewolf and a werebear! He was totally boss!

So this got me thinking: When Diablo 3 releases its inevitable expansion pack, what new character classes might they add to the game? Just in case anyone at Blizzard reads my blog, I’ve decided to make a few suggestions. And yes, I’ve kind of stolen this list idea from GamesRadar. But it’s a fun list idea! Check out my suggestions (with some help from my girlfriend Alyssa) after the jump.

Diablo 1 Classes: Warrior, Rogue, Sorcerer.

Diablo 2 Classes: Barbarian, Amazon, Sorceress, Necromancer, Paladin, Assassin, Druid.

Diablo 3 Classes: Barbarian, Demon Hunter, Wizard, Monk, Witch Doctor.

Before we get to the list, I want to point out that there are basically three traits that make up a Diablo 3 character:

A.) Unique armor and weapons. No two characters wear the same clothes. Everything from basic footwear to legendary armor is redesigned to look unique to each character. For example, a simple ‘Cap’ might appear to be a pointy hat for the Wizard, or it might look like a tribal mask for the Witch Doctor. There are also differences in look for both genders. Most weaponry looks the same, but then each character class also have their own class-specific weaponry. Only Wizards can use wands, and only Demon Hunters can use the one-handed crossbows.

Demon ‘Buster’ would have been cooler

B.) Spells. Every character has several dozen different spells or special skills that they use in combat, and each spell has roughly six different runes that change the spell in some way. So there are a whole lot of variations. The Monk’s skills are all about different kinds of focused attacks, the Demon Hunter has bow and arrow tricks, while the Witch Doctor summons voodoo beasts to help him fight.

C.) Personality. Diablo 3 is fully voice-acted. Every single character class, for both genders, have their own voice, and while the basic story remains the same, the protagonist’s lines are rewritten to better suit each character. The Witch Doctor will talk about “the spirits” and his life in the jungle, while the Barbarian will talk about strength and how her people have been scattered to the winds. Likewise, the sidekick characters will all use the same lines of banter with the protagonist in the field, but each character class has their own unique way to respond. I’ve rather enjoyed listening in to the different conversations that the different characters will have with each other.

So with those three traits in mind, what are my ideas for new character classes?

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Honorable Mentions: Necromancer and Druid

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The only cool classes

Necromancer and Druid were my two favorite character classes in Diablo 2, so I would love to see them again in Diablo 3. However, there’s very little indication that Blizzard has any plans to simply recreate old Diablo 2 classes in the new game. Only the Barbarian class has made the jump from 2 to 3. But if they don’t want to put much thought into new classes, I would be perfectly happy if they just recreated the Necromancer and Druid. This might actually be their plan, considering I randomly bumped into a Necromancer the other day while adventuring in the desert. I’m hoping he wasn’t just a tease, and that his character model was put in the game for the eventual expansion.

The Necromancer controls the dead. He summons skeleton warriors to fight by his side and explodes the corpses of his enemies.We need more of both in Diablo 3. The Druid summons forest creatures to fight by his side and he’s a werewolf. I loved being able to ‘Hulk out’ into werewolf form whenever the Druid was getting overwhelmed. And if werewolf isn’t enough for you, how about werebear? Yeah, he could do that too! And none of the current Diablo 3 character classes use shapeshifting. So the Druid would, once again, be perfect for the expansion.

But this list isn’t about reusing old ideas! So let’s get to my new ideas!

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6. Sultan

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Though probably not as old, fat or as blind to Jafar’s treachery as this guy

There have been more than enough nondescript barbarians, paladins and amazons in the Diablo series. Their next warrior character needs to have some style and flavor! Rich, Arabian flavor! Both Diablo 2 and 3 have featured a level set in the Arabian deserts, whether it be Lut Gholein or Caldeum. So I suggest that we have a character who hails from that same area, dressed in the finest silk armors and wielding huge scimitars as curved as the devil’s toenails. The Sultan could be dressed in large, round turbans and little pointy shoes, straight out of the 1,001 Arabian Nights.

He could cast ancient desert magics, based around heat, mirages, or genies; with skills that make him out to be a master swordsman. Have the Sultan double-wield scimitars and turn him into a whirling dervish of death! And since he’s rich royalty, his personality would match that, with a hoity toity and snobbish attitude that has him thinking he’s better than everyone else around him. And while playing in Caldeum in Act 2, he could be constantly putting the city down in comparison to his own Arabian kingdom.

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5. Minotaur

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A proud disciple of the Cow King

One of the problems with all the character classes in Diablo is that they’re all human. What’s up with that? The heroes in Diablo games fight everything from skeletons to goatmen to giant spiders to zombie mothers that vomit up other zombies. Clearly the world of Diablo is filled with all manner of creatures, both big and small. So why are all the non-human creatures automatically evil? We need a to be able to play a monster who has decided to rebel and join the good guys. Obviously we wouldn’t want to stray too far from humanoid, so I recommend a minotaur! He or she would be humanoid enough to still wear armor and clothing, but they’d be monstrous enough to add some excitement to the character.

How would the sidekicks or NPCs react to having to fight alongside a monster? What kind of stories could the minotaur banter about in the heat of battle? What reasons might he or she have for joining the good guys? And I’m not necessarily stuck with minotaur. Diablo 3 could have a goatman, a centaur, a cat person, a reformed demon, whatever! Their spells could be physical, like a warrior, or depending on the beast, maybe they’re more magically inclined. Either way, I want to see that it’s not just humans who are capable of being good. Monsters know love too.

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4. Beastmaster

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And not that crappy 1999 reboot version

The Druid may have the market cornered on woodland creatures, but he thought small. Wolves, bears and crows? Please! What about lions, tigers, elephants or a swarm of angry ostriches? But we’re not going to stop there. Why not summon velociraptors or a Tyrannosaurus Rex? Or maybe mythical creatures like a phoenix, a unicorn or a mighty manticore!? A Beastmaster might steal some of the Druid’s thunder, but he would turn it up to 11. She would be able to summon creatures from across the world, from jungles to the arctic. And maybe he’d even be able to control some of the evil animals from the game. Those wicked spider caves would no longer be a problem if the Beastmaster could tame those savage bugs!

But he wouldn’t be a member of PETA. Beastmaster would dress in furs and wield weapons made of bone and tusk. Just picture a giant elephant skull for a helmet! And his personality would be that of a feral loner living out in the woods, shunning civilization, but at the same time being a shining example of masculinity (or femininity). He could talk about his love of nature, or how he uses every party of an animal. And maybe he’d have stories about how even the lowly ladybug wants to get Diablo and his armies of Hell out of her business!

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3. Fool

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Blizzard would be fools not to include him!

Is there any more unique look in medieval fiction than the court jester? The colors, the facemasks, that cool hat with the bouncy tails. Just imagine turning a jester’s outfit into a badass suit of armor, complete with polka dots or checker patterns, and other colorful doodads. The game designers could have a whole lotta fun making new, upgraded and higher level jester costumes while keeping with the dark, gritty Diablo aesthetic. And what fun weapons he could have! From batons with little jester heads on them to flaming juggling balls, which could be used in all manner of spells or special attacks. I can just picture the Fool tossing flaming balls at a monster, as if he and the monster were juggling. And just to be funny, maybe some of his spells or weapons have a chance to backfire.

Or maybe make him part Bard, and have him sing songs or recite dirty limericks that add buffs or effect crowds of monsters. Some of his weapons could also double as instruments. And the Fool could have one of the best personalities in the game. There are so many different ‘clown’ personalities out there. He could be creepy or he could be cheesy, telling a string of bad jokes. I’d recommend having him be more jovial and boisterous, making witty and clever commentary on the events occurring around him. Maybe even some Deadpool-esque breaking of the fourth wall. Either way, he definitely needs to be funny. Too many of the character classes are serious sourpusses.

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2. God

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Knock it off!

The mythology of Diablo involves an epic battle between the angels of Heaven and the demons of Hell. You even visit both Heaven and Hell in the games. But I’ve always wondered, with such a Biblical story, where’s God? Where’s the Big Cheese himself? Well the answer is easy! God’s a skeeball fanatic. And every once and awhile he/she assumes human form to play skeeball on the Jersey Shore boardwalk. But now God is all out of tokens, and it’s time for her to take up a giant flaming sword and join the fight against Diablo and the forces of evil!

Just think of all the cool godly powers and spells that the character could have. Her spells could literally reshape reality! From changing the very game world to wiping out all villains on the screen with an angry smite! Obviously her powers would have to be toned down a bit. Like maybe the attack on Heaven by Diablo has trapped her in human form, so she has reduced – but still awesome – powers. And her armor and weaponry could be wonderfully angelic, from bright, white suits of metal to flaming swords to powerful halos floating over her head. She could be audacious and flashy, but purposeful and enigmatic. As for personality and banter, who wouldn’t like to have the occasional conversation with God?

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1. Time Traveler

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TARDIS not included

Guns. Guns and lightsabers. Guns and lightsabers and robots! Things that don’t even exist in the Diablo universe – but they could! Blizzard only gets one shot at an expansion, so why not just go all out insane!? Bring in a character who has access to all of the weapons and armor from all eras in history, as well as the future. Someone who can dress up like a colonial soldier, a future space cop or a combination of any type of person in all of history! Mix and match space helmets with Civil War-era overcoats, wielding grenades, assault rifles, ray guns and glorious, brightly colored laser swords! All of the character classes in Diablo 3 already have certain armor and weapons that are bound to that class only, so it’s not like the Barbarian will pick up a plasma shotgun. The Time Traveler would be the coolest class ever!

And that’s just loot! What about spells, skills or dialogue? He or she would have so much to say to the other characters. Maybe they’ve come back in time to ensure that Diablo is defeated, and are honor bound to not reveal anything they know to the people of the past. Maybe they already know the fate of Deckard Cain when they meet him, or they know what’s going to happen to Leah! And just imagine all the questions that the Scoundrel might ask! But spells, oh man, the spells! Summon robot warriors! Anti-gravity magic! Fast forward villains into withering death! Shove grenades down their throats! A bayonet charge!

The possibilities are endless. This idea is insane, but it would be so much fun. We probably won’t see Diablo 4 for another decade, so what exactly is Blizzard trying to preserve? It’s like the great Yahtzee once said: any World War II game where you don’t kill Hitler is a wasted opportunity. Well I think any game with DLC and expansions where you don’t end on the craziest, most awesome thing imaginable is a wasted opportunity!

When this expansion pack comes out, don’t let us down, Blizzard. Do something glorious.

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Well those are my ideas, what are some of yours? I know I’ve got a few Diablo fans reading my blog. What kinds of classes would you guys like to see? Amazons? Clerics? Paladins? Butchers? Do you think Diablo should keep things straight and not go silly? Or might I be on to something awesome with a few of my ideas? Let me know in the comments!