Yearly Archives: 2011
ACE Hardware is Here to Help…Against Zombies
Everybody knows the best way to kill a zombie is to take out the head. And since most of us don’t known AK-47s or rocket launchers, we’d be left with shovels, hammers and other tools in the event of the zombie apocalypse. Well tool-gurus at ACE Hardware in some town called Westlake have fully embraced their role as the go-to place to stock up on zombie weapons!
Check out their nifty Zombie Center website.
Your one stop shop for zombie slop
Whoever wrote this up is an Internet hero. The world needs good zombie preparedness lessons, and who better than ACE Hardware to give it to them? It’s not like the government is doing anything to prepare us for the zombie apocalypse. And you know full well that they already have fancy emergency bunkers to live in should the inevitable happen! Well ACE Hardware is here for the people!
They have a helpful, downloadable Human’s Guide to Zombie Preparedness, as well as FAQs about zombie-proofing your home or keeping your dog safe. They display a wide array of available weaponry (ie: tools) for zombie-killing, as well as protective gear to wear while you’re bashing in a zombie’s gooey head. ACE Hardware has thought of everything!
They even have advice in case you’re turned into a zombie!
Because zombies need love too
Wonder Woman to Appear on Maury Povich
Wonder Woman and her new writers have a secret to reveal in November’s issue #3. It’s a fundamental change to Wonder Woman’s origin, and perhaps even motivation of the character. The new origin is part of the New 52 Rejiggering, and was revealed in an article in the New York Post. I don’t know about you, but when an actual newspaper reports on changes to a comic book character, I always get a little skeeved out. I’m excited for the attention…but I have no faith in mainstream journalists to ‘get it’, you know?
How many of them had any idea what Ultimate Spider-Man was when they ranted about Miles Morales?
Anyway, this change isn’t even that big of a deal. It’s not like Wonder Woman’s origin was as iconic as Superman or Batman’s. But I’ll reveal it after the jump!
Ironically, the new origin does not involve anything statuesque or with snakes
Review: Huntress #1
Law of averages makes it clear that DC Comics was likely to publish at least one comic starring a female character who didn’t get naked in her first issue. The Huntress, Helena Bertinelli, dresses down into a sheer nightie, but she does so for a legitimate crime-fighting reason. The lasciviousness is actually part of the story! For the rest of the adventure, she’s an ass-kicking superhero who saves some girls, beats up some bad guys and doesn’t need a man to define her character. They even upgraded her costume to get rid of the exposed midriff and thighs!
Huntress #1
But then DC had to go and ruin the whole story by making it part of Earth-2! Those bastards!
Comic rating: 5/5: Great!
I’ll get to the Earth-2 stuff later in this review. It’s complicated and I want to make sure my non-comics readers understand why it’s such a sour note. If you ignore it and don’t give a rats ass about that sort of thing, Huntress #1 is a great comic. It’s a nice introduction to the heroine, a great character study for her attitude and style of crime-fighting and it sets up a nice story. This shows promise as a nice little mini-series exploring an oft overlooked superheroine. Anyone looking for a simple story that is not bogged down in continuity or characters should give the Huntress a try. There’s a lot to like about this issue.
And writer Paul Letvitz even managed to make her sexy without resorting to the same debauchery and titillation that a lot of other DC comics have with this new revamp.
Ledgey the Ledge Says Know Your Safety
Dorkly.com posted some great advice for video game Henchmen, brought to you by everyone’s favorite mascot, Ledgey the Ledge.
Rush, The Greatest Character of the New DC
DC Comics told us everything would be new and exciting in their revamped universe, and boy were they right! Green Arrow #2 came out this past week, and it features the debut of the coolest, most exciting villain ever to grace the pages of a comic book. He’s dynamic, he’s in-your-face and he’s surely going to be a star from now on! Watch out, Joker! When they make a Green Arrow movie, surely it’s going to star this guy.
Who am I talking about?
Why, Rush, of course!
Thanks for the introduction
Now that’s what I call a punch! And check out that jacket! I can tell that Rush means business because he leaves it hanging open like that. You can see his hairless chest and everything. And those jeans, that hair; Rush is badass! I don’t even know what Green Arrow thinks he’s going to accomplish. All he’s got are bows and arrows, right Rush?
You tell him, Rush!
He’s got muscles and speed! Now that’s leading super-villain material! Rush spends the whole issue just kicking Green Arrow’s ass! And even more, he’s got a whole team of super-villains under his command! They follow his great leadership skills, and have become one of the most popular Internet destinations! Eat your heart out, Google. Rush and his band of villains miscreants are the real draw. They all debuted at the end of the first issue, in a cliffhanger that left me sizzling.
Let’s see, we’ve got…Green Twins; Blue Hair; Rush, of course; Lumpy down in front; Jackie Chan; Wolfman and Stunner
Character finds of the year, maybe the decade even. Everyone always claims that all the good villains are already created. Joker, Lex Luthor, Darkseid, Venom, Magneto, Sinestro…well Green Arrow #2 blows them all away! Rush is a glorious new entrant into the contest of Greatest Villain Ever. He’s got strength, he’s got speed and he’s got the coolest jacket in comics. And that name – ‘Rush’ – it perfectly sums up everything about the character. He’s fast, he’s got size and just reading about him is a ‘rush’ to the senses. Rush’s dialogue is also fantastic. I know that when I see new super-villains, I want them to be streetwise and hip to the latest lingo.
I bet ‘abuzz’ becomes his catch phrase! Everyone’s going to be ‘abuzz’ about Rush.
And not only is Rush a badass when it comes to fighting Green Arrow, but he’s also Internet-savvy.
This reminds me of that one South Park episode…
That is a man of the times.
You see, in this issue, Green Arrow is trying to put a hurtin’ on Rush’s crew. In Green Arrow #1, which I reviewed here, the Emerald Archer defeated chumps Supercharge and Dynamix. Well Rush wasn’t having that! He promptly broke those suckas outta jail. But it seems Green Arrow won’t learn his lesson. He think she can keep after Rush and his crew. Issue #2 starts out with Green Arrow fighting the Green Twins at the Seattle Space Needle.
Their names are Lime and Light, by the way. Get it?
Anyway, after that crap, Rush decides to call out Green Arrow. An attack on a member of his crew is an attack on Rush himself!
Man, Rush is funny
And like the dumbass he is, Green Arrow falls right into Rush’s trap! What a dim bulb! Green Arrow shows up at the arranged spot and he gets his green ass handed to him! Rush lets a few of his crew get in some punches, to boost morale, but mostly it’s the Rush man kicking Green Arrow to the curb. It’s just one freight-train like haymaker after another! Heck, Rush sums the whole thing up perfectly himself!
Yes you are, Rush, yes you are.
And in the end, it’s revealed that Rush has been broadcasting the whole fight on the Internet! So not only can he kick superhero ass, but he’s doing it for his fans as well! All 1,242,000 of them! And I bet as more and more people read this comic, there’s bound to be even more than that!
Is this guy dynamic or what? We’re witnessing the making of Green Arrow’s new arch-nemesis here! Not that Green Arrow ever had an old arch-nemesis. So this is perfect! He needed a Joker or Luthor-level villain, and Rush is perfect! Green Arrow can’t match his size, speed or jacket! I don’t know how Green Arrow will manage to defeat him. He’ll probably have to call in the Justice League for back up.
Maybe Superman can stand a chance against the awesome might of Rush, the character find of the new DC.
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