The big superhero TV news this past weekend was that FOX has ordered a pilot for The Punisher, the grim and gritty vigilante from Marvel Comics. Normally, that would be very cool news because I love comic books, I love the Punisher, and it would just be cool to have a Punisher TV show. But according to Deadline, and every other news source I read about this deal, the people making the show are GOING TO FUCK IT ALL UP!!

What the hell is so hard about making a live action Punisher!?

Three movies have failed at it. And now a TV show is going to fail too?

Here’s the description of the show according to Deadline:

The Punisher is described as an hour-long procedural with a Marvel signature and a new take on one of the comic book giant’s iconic characters, Frank Castle, a rising star detective with the New York Police Department who moonlights as the vigilante Punisher, seeking justice for those the system has failed.

Are you kidding me!?

A cop who works on the side as the Punisher? What complete and utter bullshit is that? That’s not the Punisher! That’s TV hero #29473 with the name ‘Punisher’ slapped onto it for merchandising or some such bullshit studio reason. It’s mind-numbing to me that somebody along the way decided to so greatly alter the character and yet still have the gall to call it The Punisher. There have been three distinct live action Punisher movies, none of which have been sequels of each other, and yet every single one gets the Punisher wrong in some way.

Nobody can apparently just tell a straight forward, unaltered live action story of the Punisher.

But why? What’s so difficult to make with the Punisher story? He’s got to be one of the easiest characters to create in live action because he doesn’t have any super powers or fancy costume. He’s just a guy with a skull on his shirt and some guns! Killing gangsters and criminals! It’s super easy!

This look, this is the look. What is so hard about this look?

Let me explain. The Punisher’s origin is very easy. He was a soldier in Vietnam (or it could easily be transferred to Iraq or Afghanistan) who learned combat and firearms training in the heat of battle. Upon his return stateside, Frank Castle tries to settle down with his wife and kids. But then one innocent day in the park, he and his family are caught in the crossfire from two rival gangs or mobsters. They have nothing to do with the criminals, they are just innocently caught in the crossfire.

With his family dead, Castle falls back on his military training to wage a one-man war on ALL crime. Yes, he gets revenge against those specific mobsters. But then he just keeps going after all other criminals. No one is safe.

So the basics: soldier, family innocently gunned down, Punisher goes after all criminals.

He’s not a rising star police detective who moonlights on the side as the Punisher. It defeats the very purpose of the Punisher. He’s a man obsessed or possessed or however you want to say it. The Punisher doesn’t do anything on the side. He is only the Punisher and he world has to deal with it. There have been decades of comic book stories written around this idea. Garth Ennis wrote a 10-volume comic book opus about Punisher which was very creative, very inventive and really got to the heart of the character – all while sticking to the actual character.

What about the movies?

The first one in 1989 starring Dolph Lundgren also had him as a cop, an ex-police officer who had become the Punisher. That movie also didn’t feature the skull emblem on the shirt for some reason.

The second one in 2004 starring Thomas Jane is the worst of them all. They get the name right, and the skull shirt, but everything else just gets thrown out the window. This time he’s an FBI Agent who gets caught in a sting operation gone bad. A mobster’s son gets killed, so as revenge, the mobster specifically targets Castle and Castle’s entire extended family. Not just his wife and two sons. Frank Castle’s family is the target of a specific hit. So when he becomes the Punisher afterwards, he specifically goes out for revenge against that one mobster (played by John Travolta). That’s not ‘punishment’, that’s revenge, just like a million other movie anti-heroes!

The third one in 2008 starring Ray Stevenson was a little bit better. They get the skull and they get the badassery. I don’t recall if they had the soldier origin or cop origin. But he’s the Punisher…then they go and muck it up by having the Punisher kill an undercover cop, filling him with guilt and remorse. Then the bad guys, Jigsaw and Loony Bin Jim, are ridiculous! They are comic relief pushed too far, taking a serious movie down with them. This film got close to the Punisher…then still found ways on the side to mess it up.

What is so hard about making a straight Punisher movie? Somebody tell me!