The dreaded crossover has come to Ultimate Spider-Man, and the issue is worse off for it. Fortunately, writer Brian Michael Bendis does his best to shrug through this inane ‘Divided We Fall’ storyline so that he can keep telling the Miles Morales story he wants to tell. Seriously though, Bendis has had to deal with so much editorial bunk on this title. They force him to kill off Ultimate Peter Parker, and now barely a year into his new series, they force him to play along with the craziness of the rest of the Ultimate Universe. It’s a sad shame.

Ultimate Spider-Man #13

But like I said, Bendis mostly just offers a little lip service to Divided We Fall. He focuses much more on Miles than on the larger universe stuff, though a few odd story choices keep this issue from being too stellar.

And the random Batroc the Leaper cameo doesn’t help – though it also doesn’t hurt.

Comic rating: 4/5: Good.

Quite honestly, the Divided We Fall storyline is completely at odds with the Ultimate Spider-Man storyline. So much so that there is at least one scene where the characters literally point out the silliness of trying to tell this serious Spider-Man story alongside the larger Ultimate Universe crossover. The two just clash, and awkwardly at that. So it makes for a stunted issue of Ultimate Spider-Man. When we focus on the non-Divided We Fall stuff, the story is OK. Miles is once again going through all manner of inner crisis as he once again balances being Spider-Man with living his life, and that always makes for good storytelling.

Unfortunately, the best stuff, a meeting between Miles and Aunt May, appears to be being saved for next issue. Instead, Bendis pads out this tale with yet another fight with a silly super-villain. Batroc is the same as Omega Red and the Ringer, just a silly bad guy for Spidey to pummel and take up page space. It’s kind of odd that Bendis has gone back to this well so often…

Anyway, join me after the jump for a full synopsis and more review!

So first of all, what is this ‘Divided We Fall’ storyline that I keep talking about? Well it’s the latest Big Event in the Ultimate Universe, one stretching over all of the Ultimate titles, which I’m not reading. The Ultimate Universe has been dead to me for some time, with the obvious exception of Ultimate Spider-Man. So frankly, I have no idea what’s happening with Divided We Fall – fortunately, this issue gives us a little recap.

Apparently Washington DC has been destroyed, the government is a mess, the southwest is in chaos, states have seceded from the Union, and America is falling apart. Wait, what!? Seriously? That’s insane!

But I guess this is the kind of thing that Marvel can get away with in the Ultimate Universe. They have long since abandoned the original premise of Ultimate Comics, which was supposed to be a fresh recreation of our familiar heroes, designed for new readers. Now that the Ultimate Universe is 10 years old, and suffering its own continuity headaches, Marvel has decided to use this place to tell the kinds of stories they couldn’t tell in the normal Marvel Universe. Like when they killed Ultimate Peter Parker.

This time the story is about how some kind of super-villain attack has destroyed America, for realsies. Some states have been lost, Texas has seceded and become it’s own country, and basically it looks like the nation is crumbling. How does this effect the day-to-day life of our young hero Miles Morales? Not a whole damn lot, apparently. He’s still going to school, and as we’ll see in what has to be the dumbest plot ever, the Daily Bugle and the rest of the media in the city is far more interested in Spider-Man’s fight with Prowler than with the ENTIRE COUNTRY AND GOVERNMENT DESCENDING INTO CHAOS AND WAR!!

I can’t believe it either – and that’s the problem

This is the odd story choice  I mentioned above. I just don’t believe it…but then you have to look at it from Bendis’ point of view. I’m sure he had this story plotted out well in advance of Divided We Fall, and it’s not his fault that the Ultimate Universe lined up this big crossover at the same time he was trying to write about the fallout of Miles’ fight with his Uncle Aaron. But it just doesn’t work. The entire country has gone to hell, the very fabric of America is breaking apart, and the Daily Bugle is more interested in a Spider-Man fight? Even the characters themselves point out how this doesn’t make any sense.

For that matter, where does this “murderer” stuff come from? I don’t know what Bendis thinks happened at the end of last issue, but Miles didn’t kill the Prowler. Uncle Aaron’s equipment failed and he blew up all on his own. It was very clear. And while I suppose the reporters who weren’t at the scene can toss out accusations, this is a pretty damn big one. It stretches the credibility for me. Super-villains die all the time in comics, and rarely, if ever, is the hero suddenly and inexplicably accused of murdering them.

So already the media coverage is a too heavy-handed to take seriously, but then it’s simply impossible to believe the media would focus on Spider-Man during this Divided We Fall mess.

But like I said, it’s not the Bendis’ fault that Spider-Man has been roped into this nonsense.

The issue actually begins with Captain America and Tony Stark hanging out at Ultimates HQ, discussing the new Spider-Man. Captain America had gone into hiding after the death of Peter Parker, blaming himself for the young man’s death. Peter took a bullet meant for Cap, and was therefore much weaker when he went up against Green Goblin and the Sinister Six, leading to Peter’s death. Cap also never took seriously his duty to train Peter, which he’d been ordered to do by SHIELD. So Cap went into hiding to cope with his grief – but now he’s come back as the country is falling apart.

Everybody remains mostly flippant about Spider-Man existing

Cap, being a responsible adult, doesn’t want the 13-year-old Miles to continue being Spider-Man. Tony suggests that Cap meet with Miles and talk to him. Then Cap and Tony see a news report about Spider-Man being a murderer, and Cap says he’s going to talk with Miles right now.

This is another problem. Obviously this story is taking place a day or two after the fight with Prowler – yet the country has fallen apart in just a day or two? Again, credibility is stretched to the breaking point just to worm in this stupid crossover. Though if I’m being honest, I like that Marvel has the gumption to do a storyline this huge starring familiar Marvel characters, it’s just that the Ultimate Universe is dead to me and I don’t want its pathetic attempts to remain relevant impacting my awesome Ultimate Spider-Man comic.

Anyway, we cut to Miles lying in bed at home, still very freaked out over the death of his uncle. His father comes in to give him the news that Uncle Aaron is dead, because his father, of course, doesn’t know that Miles was there. The two bond briefly over Aaron, and Miles learns that the news is blaming Spider-Man for killing Prowler.

If only daddy knew…

Miles then asks his dad to leave, while Miles hugs his pillow and cries. Heavy stuff. It’s a well done scene. Bendis has done some good work with Miles’ dad. Still not sure if I know his name yet though…

We cut to Miles and Ganke walking to school and we see those newspaper headlines I posted earlier. We also see that there are soldiers lining the sidewalk and military vehicles on the streets. Still, everybody seems to be walking around just fine without any hassle, so I guess New York City is safe.

At school, Miles and Ganke talk briefly about the fight with his uncle during lunch period, with Miles expressing that he doesn’t exactly know how his uncle died. Rather than actually write out this conversation, their roommate Judge shows up and Ganke asks if Judge could give them a minute since they were discussing something important. Judge gets pissy and storms off, telling them that he’ll find some new roommates. So once again Judge accomplishes little as a character. Then Miles gets a phone call from a very important person who wants to meet him right away.

Who could it be?

Miles leaves the school to meet the caller, but there’s a random soldier who says that the random street Miles was walking down is closed. OK plot contrivance.

So Miles ducks into an alley and changes into Spider-Man, despite his reluctance to appear in costume in broad daylight. He laments to himself that this was never supposed to happen, that he wasn’t supposed to be on the front page of every newspaper in the country. Again, he shouldn’t be! The country has more important things going on! But whatever. Miles knows deep down that not going out as Spider-Man would be just as bad, since he has responsibility. He again thinks to himself that he doesn’t know how his uncle died or if he had any part in it. Then Miles just happens to stumble on a jewelry store heist. This comes off as exactly the sort of thing Bendis normally throws at Miles, and has absolutely nothing to do with Divided We Fall.

Still, say hello to Ultimate Batroc the Leaper!

Bonjour!

Batroc is a classic Captain America villain often played for laughs because of his silly name and incredibly stereotypical French accent. He has the same accent in this comic. Batroc has earned some level of nostalgic respect over the years, and he’s treated as a formidable fighter, even if he’s still a little silly. He’s an Olympic-level athlete and acrobat who specializes in savate, a French-style kickboxing that somehow includes a lot of jumping around. The dude’s got powerful leg muscles.

I like his costume here, which uses the classic Ultimate style of updating costumes. It’s uses the finger gloves and minimalist design, while still keeping the Batroc colors and flare. But it’s not as gaudy as normal superhero costumes.

So Spidey fights Batroc and makes the same old jokes about Batroc’s silly name. It’s the same kind of fight against lame villains that Bendis has been throwing at Spider-Man this whole time. Spidey even makes a joke about how Peter Parker fought cool guys like the Green Goblin and Doctor Octopus. It isn’t such a great idea to have your own characters mocking your lack of writing, Bendis. You’re the one who hasn’t put Miles up against any dangerous threats.

Batroc’s stinky feet are not a threat

Spidey and Batroc fight, with Batroc’s henchmen joining the fray a little bit. Spider-Man gets kicked through a shop window and he crashes into a wedding cake. Batroc uses this distraction to try and make his escape by stealing a police car, but Spider-Man is rather badass by lifting up the car and tossing it onto its roof. The cops show up and try to arrest Spider-Man because he’s wanted for murder, but Miles just goes invisible and jumps away.

So it’s not just the papers calling Spider-Man a murderer. What basis are the police acting on to call Spider-Man a murderer? Did all the people Spider-Man save on the bus last issue blame him for the Prowler exploding? They were the only witnesses to the Prowler’s death. Some loyalty you guys. Spider-Man saves you from an insane super-villain, and then you all turn around and accuse Spider-Man of murdering that super-villain? Not cool.

So anyway, Captain America is shown on a rooftop some distance away, having watched Spidey’s fight.

Miles arrives at the abandoned warehouse where the person who called him wanted to meet. He takes off his mask and the caller reveals herself to be…Aunt May! Though Miles knew who it was since her name was on the caller ID. We, the readers, were just led to believe it might be Captain America.

Although I have no idea why Aunt May wants to meet in an abandoned warehouse…she has a house, after all. Or maybe a nice cafe?

Anyway, they have a little chat, where Aunt May brushes off those silly rumors that Miles killed somebody. The papers made the same rumors about Peter all the time. And Miles reminds Gwen that they met at Peter’s funeral. May also has a gift for Miles (possibly web-shooters), but then Captain America really does show up.

Cap is a real killjoy

And so sadly, the meeting between Aunt May and Miles Morales will have to wait yet another issue. Though from what we’ve seen, she’s pretty on board with Miles. She was ready to give him that gift without any hesitation. I hope they have a deeper discussion than that. Having Captain America around will help – though much like the media, Captain America doesn’t have anything better to do while the country is falling apart?

Whatever. Divided We Fall is barely a blip in this story, though it’s a weighty blip that just makes things a bit more difficult to swallow. And even without it, I find it pretty hard to believe this sudden witch hunt calling Spider-Man a murderer. Maybe if he was only wanted for questioning it would be easier to take seriously. But this is just too much. Still, it’s fun to read about the pressure this puts on Miles, especially when he knows so much more than his father, yet still can’t bring himself to tell the man the truth. Heart-breaking stuff.

Next issue looks to be a blast, with what will hopefully be a powerful conversation between Miles, Aunt May and Captain America. I am really looking forward to that scene most of all. But this Divided We Fall stuff can go take a hike!