What the hell is this supposed to be? Where’s my Mimic? If I’m going to buy a comic starring the Mimic, one of the greatest and coolest X-Men of all time, I expect him to be in more than 5 panels, and I expect him to get more than one line. But nooooOOOoooo! Apparently someone else has a better idea. Someone named Christos Gage seems to want to focus on Rogue for some reason. As if anybody cares about Rogue when they could be reading about the spectacular and handsome Mimic!

Mimic and the X-Men #4

Instead, Mimic seems to have something of a glass jaw when it comes to Avengers vs. X-Men.

Comic rating: 3/5: Alright.

For those of you coming in late, the Mimic is one of my favorite comic book characters of all time. And recently in the pages of X-Men Legacy, writer Christos Gage has plucked Mimic out of the mothballs, dusted him off and put him in the regular cast of the comic. For the first time in 40 years, he’s a member of the X-Men again. To celebrate this momentous occasion, I’ve added X-Men: Legacy to my review list – only I prefer to refer to it as Mimic and the X-Men. Because I really only care about Mimic’s role in the comic.

And based on this issue, he doesn’t have much of a roll at all. It’s a tragedy.

There’s only one thing to say about the Mimic’s appearance in this issue, and I’ll leave that in the able hands of the great Captain Jean Luc Picard:

Seriously, it’s like Gage forgot that he added Mimic to the book for a reason – to improve sales and turn the Mimic into the greatest comic book character of all time. Hello!? Am I the only one who remembers that part? Surely Gage didn’t just snag Mimic for his comic because he’s a fan of the character. When your comic includes the likes of Frenzy and Cannonball as main characters, then someone like Mimic is only going to outshine all of them like the brilliant supernova that he is. It’s just simple space physics. I would think a smart man like Christos Gage would understand this.

Anyway, where were we? Oh yeah, so the Avengers D-squad, composed of She-Hulk, Moon Knight and the Falcon, show up at the Jean Grey School for Higher Learning like a couple’a thugs, as if they are going to take on an entire school full of angry mutants all by themselves. We’re smack dab in the middle of the big Avengers vs. X-Men brawl to end it all, but I’ll be damned if I can figure out when exactly this issue is supposed to take place in the grand scheme of things. I don’t think it even really lines up with the other tie-ins that take place at the same school.

But whatever, we’re here for two things: 1.) Mimic and 2.) fight scenes!

Say hello to my new wallpaper – and I don’t mean desktop, I mean living room

What a great way to start the issue! But how do you suck all of the energy out of that awesome group shot?

By having Mimic punched in the face by the freakin’ Falcon.

Mimic’s weakness: a fist

The guy’s whose super-power is to talk to birds – essentially making him the aerial Aquaman – is able to get the upper hand against the Mimic, who not only has the powers of all five original X-Men, but also EVERYONE ELSE STANDING NEARBY!

Perhaps Mimic was just distracted by being too awesome…but even to me that seems like a stretch. Anyway, Rogue comes to bail out the Mimic, and the one line our hero gets in the entire issue involves him asking Rogue what she’s going to do with Falcon. She’s going to do exactly what you should have done. She’s going to absorb the Falcon’s one super power (that bird thing) and use it against Iron Man. That’s how you win a fight, Mimic. Pay attention!

So basically there’s a lot more fighting, with Rogue basically inner monologuing about nothing in particular. She’s all worried about reverting back to her bad old habits. She also sucks the powers out of She-Hulk, so we get a green-skinned Rogue wearing a green costume. Good art direction.

Then Mimic decides to go up against Iron Man, with predictable results.

Iron Man is going to pay for what he’s done!

What the heck, Mimic!?

Can’t you hold your own in a fight? You said a few issue ago that you’d carry your weight, well do it already! You’re making a damn fool of yourself. Heck, Rogue even has to come to your aid again to pull your ass out of the fire. Way to not make her doubt bringing you on board.

Anyway, we get some more fighting and biting as the issue progresses. This might as well be an Itchy and Scratchy cartoon. Moon Knight and Gambit exchange a few blows, until Moon Knight grabs Rogue with his bare hands so that she absorbs his powers – except his only power is having multiple personality disorder. So all of the different powers Rogue has absorbed suddenly start talking to her at once, because that’s exactly how all of those things would work when combined. But then what do I know? It’s not like I hear voices in my head…

Anyway, the issue ends with Rogue straight-up murdering Iron Man.

Her catch phrase needs work

And she doesn’t just use her fists, she also destroys him with her words. Rogue kicks Iron Man in the face and tells him that she’s giving him “the boot” off her property.

Guns don’t kill people. Puns kill people.

Nah, everybody’s kidding, it’s just an Iron Man robot. The real Tony Stark is actually starring in the real Avengers vs. X-Men series. This is just a crummy spin-off title that basically amounts to little more than a bunch of B and C list characters punching each other in a way that doesn’t really add up to the overall event timeline. By the end, Rogue says she’s going to take her squad and join the fray, but I doubt we’ll see them show up in the main series at all.

But if we do, if Mimic actually makes a cameo appearance in Avengers vs. X-Men – and not just as dead cannon fodder – the very Internet will break in half due to sheer awesomeness. Even if I have to break it myself!