Top 6 Video Game Henchmen

Boss characters have been a video game staple ever since Mario jumped on that button and dropped King Koopa into the lava. But a boss is only going to get so far if he doesn’t have good henchmen! Mini-bosses, minions, troopers and more are the perfect filler to extend a rivalry between the hero and his mortal enemy. When Princess Toadstool is kidnapped, does Mario just storm Koopa’s castle to get her back? No way! He’s got level after level of grunts and goombas to fight through. When the Shredder kidnaps April O’Neil to the Technodrome, do the Ninja Turtles take the fight straight to the Shredder? Nope! They’ve got to kick Bebop and Rockseady’s asses several times first.

The best part is when they crash into each other. Hilarious

Today’s list are the Top 6 Video Game Henchmen of all time, from all games. It’s important to note the distinction between a true henchman and just a bad guy. Henchmen work for a higher boss figure. So when you fight the Flood in Halo, you’re not fighting henchmen, you’re just fighting monsters. Henchmen are minions. Henchmen can be individuals or they can be a large group.

So join me to see the Top 6 Henchmen from video games.

6. Dr. Robotnik’s Badniks – Sonic the Hedgehog

Scratch and Grounder are not included

Is there anything worse than cruising along at top Sonic speed through the Emerald Hill Zone and suddenly, without warning, crashing into some kind of robot drill-bug thing and losing all your rings? That’s garbage! It’s maddening that the whole point of Sonic the Hedgehog is to go fast, but the average Badnik is just sitting there blended into the scenery ready to spoil your fun. And they can be anything! Monkeys, flying blue centipedes, lizards, generic robots; there was even a chicken or two. But jumping was never Sonic the Hedgehog’s strong suit, so they were always just a little bit too wonky to kill easily. Plus I believe sometimes they were all innocent woodland critters turned into robot monsters, so that’s pretty gruesome.

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5. The Turks – Final Fantasy VII

Sephiroth....who?

It takes a special level of cool to live up to the awesomeness that was Sephiroth, but the blue-suited, badass Turks still managed to shine in what many consider to be the best Final Fantasy game ever. Henchmen to the evil corporation Shinra, the Turks – Tseng, Rude, Reno and Elena – were frequent antagonists to Cloud and the gang. They’d pop up when you didn’t expect them in all corners of the world, ready for a fight. But it never got personal for the Turks. They were all business. So much so that they were not above working with the heroes during certain parts of the game. No wonder they’ve remained fan favorites ever since, even getting a near-starring role in the CGI movie that came out later, Advent Children.

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4. Dr. Wily’s Robots – Mega Man

The key to defeating 'Hard Man' is to just switch to Easy Mode

The great thing about the robot army built by the evil Dr. Wily is that he gave each of them individual powers and names. That’s kind of adorable. And as the Mega Man games kept going on and on, they had to come up with some pretty weird names. Air Man? Snake Man? Wood Man? That’s just so utterly fantastic. A robot made of wood! The funnest thing about the robots, though, was the fact that you would get their powers once they were defeated. Such a simple yet brilliantly fun concept. Sure, just being Mega Man was fun with his blaster. But getting half a dozen new powers over the course of the game – in any order you so choose – was just a nifty idea. Plus you could become Wood Mega Man!

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 3. The Kremling Krew – Donkey Kong Country

Donkeys are not monkeys, but crocodiles are sometimes pirates

As we all know, the natural enemy of the gorilla is the crocodile. It’s a vicious war that has been raging for centuries, like big, hairy men fighting scaly dinosaurs. Sometimes in pirate costumes. And all over bananas. Sometimes it’s kind of insane how the game-makers try to add story and history to these silly games. Donkey Kong starts out as the big ape throwing barrels down at Mario. But when he gets his own game, not only does Donkey Kong get a tie, but he also gets an arch enemy in King K. Rool and his army of Kremling crocodiles! They come in all shapes and sizes, looking tough and fearsome as they strut back and forth waiting to have a gorilla jump on their heads. And those wasps! Those sharp, pointy, unflinching wasps!

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2. Goombas/Koopa-Troopas – Super Mario Bros.

They shall crush the Plumber Proletariat!

There are no greater minions in all of video games than the alliance of the sentient mushrooms and the turtles, all working for a madman dragon and his despicable children. Is there any more iconic video game moment than that first goomba wattling towards Mario along the grass? And anything more embarrassing than somehow being killed by that damn goomba? They’re brilliantly simple. Then to make their partners, they up the ante and create this supremely cool turtle shell gimmick. Kick the shell, pick it up and throw it at other bad guys, ride it somehow, I don’t know! It’s just more brilliant insanity!

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1. Revolver Ocelot – Metal Gear Solid

Real men wear dusters

Revolver Ocelot is the pimpin’-est, most badass henchman in all of video games. He’s a gun-twirlin’, six-shootin’, mustache-rockin’ stud whose service to the greater forces of evil has lasted decades – and all four Metal Gear Solid games. He’s the only character to appear in all four games, from a young, hotshot Ocelot in the prequel third game to an old man mega-villain in the future-set fourth game. The man has got style. Just look at that mustache and that duster coat. Nothing is cooler than a duster coat. The Metal Gear Solid games are known for their unique villains, and Ocelot is the only one to stick around. But he’s never the one in charge, he’s always working for someone else, making him the perfect henchman. Plus he doesn’t just follow orders. He’s a renowned double and triple-crosser!

But mostly, he’s just super badass with that revolver.

About Sean Ian Mills

Hello, this is Sean, the Henchman-4-Hire! By day I am a mild-mannered newspaper reporter in Central New York, and by the rest of the day I'm a pretty big geek when it comes to video games, comic books, movies, cartoons and more.

Posted on March 10, 2012, in Henchmen, Lists of Six!, Video Games. Bookmark the permalink. 2 Comments.

  1. I feel you may have been too broad. Instead of all of Robotnik’s robots, how about just Knuckles? Or instead of all the Mega Man villains, just Wood Man? Clearly Wood Man should not be shoved into the same category of Henchman as say Quick Man and Junk Man. Wood Man was the pinnacle of chlorophyl-based cybornetics.

    Oh and the Green Koopa Troopas are the best Mario henchmen. Not only are they hell bent on walking off of ledges to their dooms, but if Mario is able to kill like 10 of them in a row by throwing one of their own shells at them, then they will give Mario free lives simply because they are so impressed with your Mad Mario Skillz. And that’s a level of class that the other mentioned henchman just don’t have.

    Also my own personal….let’s say number 3 would be Ghirahim from The Legend of Zelda: Skyward Sword. I know you haven’t played it so beware of upcoming SPOILERS. Not only is Ghirahim a demon lord, one of the few mini-bosses to pose an actual challenge, and the source of the coolest sword-fighting simulator in video game history. But he is also such a good henchman that when his boss needed him to, he transformed into his boss’s sword. That’s dedication to the job of henching.

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