If this is what the Teen Titans comic looks like five years from now, then everything I have ever done with my life has been for naught. Every dream I have ever had about writing comics, every review I’ve typed up about this series, every fiber of my very being, will have been for nothing! If this year’s DC September Gimmick were a true crystal ball into the future, then I would know that I accomplish nothing with my life, and that everything is terrible. Teen Titans – Futures End #1 is the blandest, dumbest and most tone-deaf comic I have yet to read in this series. And it’s a beautiful reminder why I’m not spending very much money at all on this stupid gimmick.

Teen Titans – Futures End #1

If this is indeed the future of the Teen Titans, then I should have abandoned ship a long time ago. This was the last thing writer Will Pfeifer needed two issues into his relaunch.

Comic Rating: 3/10 – Bad.

I have been more than willing to give Pfeifer a chance with his relaunch. I’ve even been somewhat positive in my reviews of his first two issues. But forcing him to take an immediate detour into crapsville only two issues in? That’s harsh, DC, really harsh. I can only hope my review reaches Teen Titans fans in time: don’t buy this comic! Unless you’re super in love with all this Futures End stuff, don’t waste your time, money, energy or any flecks of your soul that might be sacrificed by reading this pile of cream-colored aluminum siding.

This Futures End issue has nothing to do with the regular Teen Titans comic. Unless it’s hidden somewhere in the background. Or an Algorithm cameo counts. Instead, this issue is far more concerned with whatever weird plots DC is doing with Futures End, mostly involving Earth 2. I don’t know and I don’t care. This issue has about as much to do with the Teen Titans as last year’s gimmick, which was basically one long ode to the power of rape. I almost think Pfeifer might have whipped this script out in an afternoon to fulfill his contract or something. At least I hope that’s the case. I really hope this isn’t an indication of where he’s taking the series.

The issue is about six random characters coming together as lazily as possible to stop a bad guy, and then calling themselves the ‘Teen Titans’ at the end. That’s it. I just saved you all the embarrassment of reading it.

But seeing as how I’m a glutton for punishment, I might as well continue on with my usual synopsis/review. Join me after the jump!

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