Category Archives: Miscellaneous
The Mother-badwording Pterodactyl!
I love The Oatmeal. Not the food product, no sir. But the Internet artist and comedian. The man is sheer brilliance. If you don’t already frequently read The Oatmeal, then what the heck are you doing here? Go! Go and enjoy! There is so much fun to be had!
What’s that, Internet? You’ve someone spawned a music video version of The Oatmeal’s Pterodactyl comic? And it’s so mind-blowingly insane that you can barely contain yourself? Don’t worry, Internet, I’m here to save you! We’ll get all my friends and readers to watch this brilliant song, and spreading the joy will make it easier!
Watch, my friends. Watch and be one with awesome.
I think that deserves a Hell Yeah!
Food Review: Doritos Locos Tacos!
Lordy praise, my eyes have been opened! Biting into the Doritos Locos Tacos is like eating at the cafeteria of God on Taco Mondays. Prometheus once upon a time gave us fire, but it seems he’s returned to this mortal plain to give us tacos wrapped in a Doritos shell as well. It’s the most ludicrously brilliant idea of man. Simple in its genius and devastating in its ingeniousness.
I can only hope the person who created the Doritos Locos Tacos is currently picking out what color cushions he wants for his throne on Mount Olympus.
Zeus, Jesus and Superman can all call it a day, their work in this world is complete
I have been waiting for this day like the coming Apocalypse, ever since I first learned that such a thing existed as the Doritos Locos Tacos. I thought to myself, ‘when Lord, when will my local Taco Bell be graced with your most divine creation?’ And then earlier this week, God (or the guy at my Taco Bell drive through) told me that the answer was soon! Thursday, in fact. But it wasn’t until today that I revisted that most bun-less of all fast food restaurants to order me some tacos.
Put aside your hatred of their ‘meat’-based products, or your fears that Taco Bell mostly served mulched newspaper. This is not a day to rehash those old fears. This is a day to fall to your knees and praise Taco Bell as the greatest of all food sources.
The movie Demolition Man was right: Taco Bell will win the fast food wars. Somehow Sylvester Stallone and Wesley Snipes knew that this day would come.
The Doritos Locos Tacos is the hydrogen bomb of food.
But how does it taste, you ask? Like a dream wrapped in a tickle smothered in joy sauce and delivered by 12 beautiful, bikini-clad women! Crunchy, yet cheesey. The meat softens the underside of the shell, but in a deliciously glorious sort of way. The cheese of the taco combines with the cheese of the nacho shell to create a cheese-splosion of intensity that hasn’t been seen since combining Pop Tarts with s’mores.
Even the name is fun to say. Why else add the word ‘locos’ unless you knew that the mere existence of this marvelous meal would rend sanity asunder. It’s like the window of human creativity has been opened. Taco Bell has revealed to us a new universe of possibilities, and we as human beings have just to climb through that window to discover where else our minds can reach.
Believe my words, dear readers, this is one damn fine taco.
I Haz A Cold
Why oh why has science not yet invented a cure for the common cold? What’s taking them so freakin’ long? We have cures for a lot of different sicknesses, so why not the exact one that I had this weekend? And still have today. Ugh. I’ve got the sniffles, a sore throat, a headache and a stuffy/runny nose. Lucky me.
Anyway, that explains why I didn’t have any posts up this weekend, in case anybody came here looking for new material. I had this big Justice League post I was going to right – still am. Plus other stuff just to fill the weekend. But nothing like a cold to keep you from wanting to do anything of the sort. I’m feeling a bit better today, but definitely still sick. I wanted to write this so that everybody would know where my posts are. I’ve got plenty of good ideas for this week, so stay tuned.
Here’s a preview of this week’s List of Six!
The Greatest Movie Trailer of All Time
Behold, I present to you the greatest movie trailer of all time for what may be the greatest movie of all time! It’s definitely the most star-studded, emotional, surprise-filled action adventure dramedy ever filmed! This is Movie: The Movie!
The Lorax to Speak for SUVs
I’ve already written about how much I hate the new Lorax movie based only on the trailer. Well now Hollywood and it’s greedy money pit have given me a new reason to hate them: the Lorax is now shilling for Mazda SUVs, a motor vehicle known almost exclusively for being a gas-guzzling road hog.
It’s as if irony and decency have lost all meaning.
Does the world not care that The Lorax by Dr. Seuss was a book with a very strong environmental message. It was about a little monster who was trying to fight industry because they were destroying the Truffula Trees! And the industry succeeded! All the trees were dead!
But don’t worry, Mazda has thought of that. Their new gas-guzzling SUV is ‘Tuffula Tree friendly!’
This is insane. Whatever the hell this ‘Skyactive Technology’ is in the SUV that the commercial won’t shut up about, it doesn’t magically replace the internal combustion engine. This is still a motor vehicle and it is still harmful to the environment. But nobody out there cares. Nobody gives a flying fudge when it comes to marketing. And that’s what’s wrong with society today.
And he is what's wrong with Hollywood today
Thanks to Mother Jones for the find. The movie comes out on March 2. Expect Dr. Seuss’ grave to start rolling itself completely out of the ground soon after.
Henchman-4-Hire 