Granted, I’ve only read three of their new #1 issues so far, but everything I’ve read or heard about online has pointed to the idea that DC Comics has absolutely wasted a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. What could have been a bombastic and exciting revitalization of some of the most iconic fictional characters of all time has instead been a boring, run-of-the-mill bunch of superhero comics. Consider me, so far, unimpressed and more than a little apathetic.

But I’ll keep reading out of a general love of comics and extreme curiosity.

So far, I’ve read Justice League #1 (which I reviewed last week), Action Comics #1 and Green Arrow #1. There were many more new issues released this past week, but my comic shop was out of all the good ones. Plus I just didn’t care for the ones they had left, like Men of War or Static Shock. The three issues I did read, I think, provide a pretty clear look at some of the changes and styles of the new DC Revamp, or as I like to call it, the Rejiggering.

Justice League gave us a look at Batman and Green Lantern, two heroes whose lives have barely been touched by the Revamp. It was the very first issue of the Rejiggering, shipping all by itself in the very first week. You can read how disappointed I was with that comic in my review. Action Comics #1 shows us Superman’s new attitude. He’s sort of the same character, just dialed down a notch. And his classic relationships with the likes Jimmy Olsen and Lois Lane have been set back to square one. Green Arrow has undergone a complete revamp. He’s keeping the same color and bow and arrow motif, but he has an entirely new attitude and status quo.

So we have three separate takes of this new comic world: barely changed heroes, sort of changed hero and completely changed hero. And all three have been boring.

DC Comics has this incredible opportunity to reinvent its characters for new audiences. They’ve hyped this new Rejiggering all Summer long, and the comic community is on board. We were all ready to see what new and exciting stuff DC had to offer. Sure there would be some fans who would be bummed about losing their continuity, but we all knew that if the books were good, we wouldn’t care in the end. This was DC’s chance to reinvent its characters, to make them feel shiny and new. That’s what they told us would happen. But none of the comics I’ve read so far have felt ‘new’ or ‘exciting’. Sure, some of the ideas are new, but they aren’t utilized in such a way as to really take advantage of the hype.

The comics I’ve read have either done too little or too much. None of them have felt just right.

Revamps work. Ultimate Marvel was a huge success, when Marvel took all of its popular characters and revamped them into more modern takes on its classic heroes, while keeping them true to their character. But rather than go with a full revamping like Ultimate Marvel, DC has instead half-assed this project. Some continuity has changed, some has stayed the same, some has been tweaked; it would take an encyclopedia to fully understand it all. Some concepts are brand new to each series, while some of the more classic elements remain the same, and we’re just supposed to rely on our previous knowledge, I guess.

Take Action Comics #1.

This is our first look at the new Superman status quo. You don’t get much more iconic than Superman. And here was a chance for writer Grant Morrison to reintroduce the world to its greatest superhero, to characters we’ve known and loved for decades. Would we see Superman’s first heroic rescue? What about his first time meeting Lois Lane? Would Morrison have an exciting new spin on the villainous Lex Luthor?

Nope! None of that!

Morrison throws us into a story that seems already in progress and just expects us to catch up. That can be hard, considering Morrison’s cerebral writing style. For those who don’t know, Grant Morrison is one of the most popular comic book writers. He’s known for far-out ideas that seem both insane and brilliant. Like ‘sentient metaphors’ or Batman of Zur-En-Arrh, the idea that Bruce Wayne hard-wired his brain so that if he was ever mentally compromised, his psyche would reboot into this safety personality, which is that of a really hardcore Batman. Crazy stuff. But it was awesome!

Plus, Morrison is famous for what I consider to be the best Superman story of all time: All-Star Superman. In this book, Morrison took Superman at his most basic and told several fantastic and whimsical stories of the Man of Steel! He battled living suns, answered the Riddle of the Sphinx, revealed his secret identity to Lois Lane and interviewed Lex Luthor for The Daily Planet from prison.

So Morrison gets Superman. He gets all the classic Superman characters! I picked up Action Comics #1 almost exclusively to see what Grant Morrison would do with the canon Superman comic. Remember, Superman debuted in the very first Action Comics #1 in the 1930s. It ran for more than 900 issues before DC decided to do this revamp. So this is an iconic issue!

And Morrison throws us a jumbled mess of a comic that tries to cram in far too much, and wastes every opportunity it has to tell the ‘first’ Superman comic of the new Revamp.

The story begins towards the start of Superman’s superhero career. We’re told that he’s been around for six months now. So there goes all the excitement of seeing the world in awe at Superman. He’s been around for awhile, and the city of Metropolis absolutely hates him. The police department and the military chase him throughout the entire issue, trying to kill him at every opportunity they get. The issue starts with Superman arriving in his half-assed costume to crash some elitist party of some uncouth businessmen. Since this is the start of Superman’s career, we’ve been led to believe that Ma Kent (who’s dead in this continuity) never made him his classic costume. So he’s just thrown on a Superman T-shirt, a red cape, some blue jeans and a pair of work boots.

Superman jumps up to the rooftop party (he’s new, so he hasn’t learned to fly yet), and terrorizes Glen Glenmorgan, a very corrupt businessman. The cops show up and Superman just intimidates them, because this Superman is for the people. He knows that the law doesn’t count the same for the rich and the poor, and he’s here to represent the poor. So decides to scare some confessions out of Glenmorgan by tossing him off a building.

So the guy is scared shitless, but Superman lets him go. He can’t arrest the guy, after all. Superman just sort of scares him a bit then runs off with the cops in pursuit. As he’s running, Superman comes upon an old apartment building that’s being torn down – with the impoverished residents still inside! Superman grabs the wrecking ball and uses it to take out a pair of tanks that the military has sent after him. Superman gets zapped and blasted and knocked around, but he’s saved by the impoverished residents, who block the tanks and give Superman a chance to jump away.

For you see, Superman isn’t as strong yet as he’ll eventually become. Not only can’t he fly, but he’s also not as invulnerable. He can get bruised and even bleed if he’s hit hard enough. This I like. I’m so far digging this new take on Superman. He’s got some growing up to do, some learning. And he’s kind of proactively badass. It’s just not very iconic, I guess is my problem. This is Superman we’re talking about. He’s supposed to be this world’s first superhero. But in this comic, there’s nothing special about him. Just a tough guy helping a bunch of people out or terrorizing fat cats.

We’re also introduced to Lex Luthor during all of this. And again, I’m less than impressed.

All we learn about Luthor is that he’s an expensive consultant to the military, who’s helping them to capture Superman. He’s behind the tanks, the use of the wrecking ball on the impoverished residents and apparently set up the Glenmorgan thing too. Lex also gives a cool speech to help us understand why he doesn’t like Superman. Have you heard the story of how when frogs were introduced to Australia, they ended up wiping out the native animals? I think that was on The Simpsons too.  But basically Lex is going with the whole idea that an alien lifeform introduced into a biosphere will ultimately destroy that biosphere. I’ve always enjoyed the more intelligence based reasons for Lex hating Superman. Though in this comic, Lex is very ho-hum about the whole thing.

He seems far more interested in his soda.

There’s a brief interlude where Clark returns home to his crummy apartment. He puts a flannel shirt over his Superman T-shirt, ruffles up his hair and puts on his glasses. The transformation to boring old Clark Kent is nicely done. He chats with his landlady a bit and they talk about how he writes important stories for the newspaper. Not The Daily Planet, mind you. In this world, Clark works for its rival The Daily Star…for some reason. He pays the landlady his rent and then makes an excuse to take off. He calls his best friend Jimmy Olsen. Despite working for rival newspapers, Clark and Jimmy are apparently pals. I know the feeling, actually. One of my best pals works for my rival newspaper. Weird. Anyway, we get our first look at Jimmy and Lois Lane, who do work for The Daily Planet. And we learn that not only at Clark and Lois not married, but she’s barely heard of him.

I have no problem with this change. If DC wants to explore a single Superman, I’m all for it. Spider-Man has survived the end of his marriage to Mary Jane (with tepid results), I’m curious what we’ll see with a new single Clark Kent. Though from what I understand, he’s still going to have some romantic tension with Lois, who’s going to be dating some new character. That will be all manner of blegh. Regardless, this was s stupid introduction to Lois and Jimmy. That right there is their first panel, our first look at the new them. They don’t even look like professionals, but I guess Lois is in reporter-mode.  They look like college interns getting themselves into trouble.

Lois and Jimmy are on a train when Lois spies some known crook, Gus “Guns” Grundis. Lois, being the intrepid reporter, follows him onto the train and sort of slowly sneaks up behind him as the train starts rocketing forward. I guess she wants an interview? Or just to confront him? I’m not sure. Somehow we find out that the train is out of control. Something to do with Luthor and Glenmorgan’s plan, but it doesn’t make any sense to me. Somehow Luthor knows that Lois is on the train, and somehow they know that Superman’s going to try and save the train even though he’s already home and changed back into Clark Kent. And somehow Clark already knows that the train is out of control.

Thankfully, Superman saves the day and catches something else.

In the end, it’s revealed that Luthor planned for this to happen and planned for Superman to get in front of the train. Because he alludes to the train being the ‘biggest bullet in the world’. The now weakened Superman is knocked out by the train and he’s taken into custody. The end.

Like I said, this issue was jam-packed with both the familiar and the new. All the classic characters reappear, but none of them are given a fitting introduction for a first issue. They just sort of appear as the story goes on, crammed into panels without any fanfare or importance. And this was a huge waste, in my opinion. Instead of wowing us with Superman or giving us a chance to either like Lois and Jimmy or hate Lex, they all just sort of appear. Instead of getting dramatic introductions as is fitting a new revamp and a new #1, Lex just sort of shows up drinking  a can of soda. Boring. Dumb and boring. Grant Morrison wasted this great opportunity by giving us far too much to deal with in a first issue, with a lot of it already depending on our previous knowledge of the characters.

On the flip side, we have Green Arrow #1.

As I said before, Green Arrow gets a complete revamp in this Rejiggering. He’s got a new status quo, new attitude, new costume and a new supporting cast. All that stays the same is the name, the color and the bow and arrows. But whereas Grant Morrison gave us too much, making it boring, writer J.T. Krul gives us too little, and a lot of it boring and underdeveloped or underexplained.

Though I will say that I liked Green Arrow #1 and might even consider picking up the series.  The new status quo is one I can definitely get behind. In this world, Oliver Queen, the Green Arrow, is like a younger, more badass Steve Jobs. He’s the millionaire creative mind behind Queen Industries, which seems like some kind of Apple-esque company. People mention their Qphones instead of iPhones, and Ollie is working on some project called Q-Core. Then he uses all of these gadgets (plus the bows and arrows) to become a vigilante. He stops bad guys and saves people while living in a high tech world. This is an idea I can definitely get behind. Our world is obsessed with its nifty gadgets, like the iPad, so it seems fitting that we turn that sort of mindset into a superhero. The old Green Arrow was a liberal-douchebag with a host of bastard children, sidekicks, a stupid goatee and a Robin Hood fetish.

So I’m definitely behind this new Green Arrow motif. He’s got some pals working in a computer hub and feeding him information while he’s out fighting crime. Ollie also tries to help run things at Queen Industries, though it gets confusing the difference between Queen Industries and Q-Core. I guess they’re separate enterprises within the same Queen umbrella company. But they don’t really explain it very well. Hopefully it’ll get a better explanation as the series goes on. Adding board room intrigue to a superhero title could prove to be a lot of fun.

Anyway, the boring part about this issue comes with the new super-villains. Ollie is in Paris – for some reason – and he’s tracked down a trio of super-powered bad guys in order to stop them from causing just a lot of general mischief. The trio don’t really seem to have any grand plan other than going to a party yacht and maybe roughing up the place. The villains are new (as far as I know) and they’re named Dynamix, Doppelganger and Supercharge. We also get to see Green Arrow’s cool new costume.

I like the costume. Apparently it’s based on the Smallville Green Arrow look, but I don’t care or can’t even really tell. It’s just a cool, modern take on something Green Arrow might wear if he wasn’t so in love with Robin Hood.

Anyway, the rest of the issue is an extended fight scene with Green Arrow vs. the trio of super-villains. Arrow’s team, Jax and Naomi, feed him information and help him take control of the yacht while he uses his various trick arrows to take down the three bad guys. But they are the most boring bad guys imaginable. My God are they dull. First of all, no costumes. Second of all, stupid names. And third of all, boring powers. Dynamix is really strong, Supercharge has electricity powers and Doppelganger sort of grows extra arms, legs and an extra face. They are nobodies. Complete and utter nobodies. They don’t look interesting and they don’t do anything interesting. Ollie even spends part of the issue telling them that they’re not villains, they’re losers.

There’s a throwaway line or two about how these are ‘modern day’ villains, where the public sort of idolizes them as trashy celebrities rather than viewing them as criminals. They film their crimes and post the videos on Youtube, making them viral sensations. But nothing is done with that idea beyond a mention. For the spectacular first issue of the new Green Arrow series, DC gives him the absolute worst opponents. They have stupid super-powers, and if these nobodies can have powers, it sort of negates any importance having super-powers might have. Remember, as part of this revamp, super-powered people have only been around for about 5 years, and the world is afraid of them. Super-powers should be something special. But nope.

It gets even worse with the final page cliffhanger. When Dynamix and Supercharge get locked up, they get rescued by…an entire team of nobody losers!

Ugh. How boring! How super fucking boring! The writer, Krul, does a good job setting up Green Arrow’s new status quo, his look and his style…but he pits the Archer up against the lamest villains imaginable. No creativity whatsoever went into crafting these villains. Grant Morrison put more thought into the name Glen Glenmorgan than Krul put into creating any of these villains. Who fucking cares if they go after Green Arrow? How much you want to bet he’ll shoot arrows at them and call it a day?

Along with the board room drama from earlier, we’re given a few more peeks into the world behind the mask. Ollie isn’t CEO of Queen Industries, but he’s in charge of Q-Core. Again, I don’t know what this means. He pals around with Jax and Naomi out of costume, and explains to Jax why he’s Green Arrow. In the original stories, he was a drunken playboy who got lost at sea and had to play Robinson Crusoe for awhile, then came back to civilization with a bow and arrow and decided to do some good. This time, we just get some vague allusions to some earlier event.

So all in all, Green Arrow #1 is an OK start to the new series, it’s just got some incredibly boring elements to it. Had Krul given us some real villains, this book might have been great. Instead, it’s merely OK.

But in summation, neither of these issues, nor Justice League #1, lives up to the hype of a revamped DC Universe. Nothing feels iconic. Nothing feels grand or exciting. It just feels like business-as-usual. That’s not what I expected, that’s not what DC should have done. This is the biggest publishing even they’ve done in years and they’re falling flat on their faces!

I’ll stick with it for awhile, probably, and I’ll review any other new issues I already plan on picking up. We can check in on Batman, Aquaman and the Teen Titans later this month!