Author Archives: Alyssa
My Favourite Bat-Spoof (to date)
If there is anything on these beloved tubes of ours as commonplace as adorable kitten-pictures, it’s spoofs of Christopher Nolan’s Batman. At least, that’s how it feels sometimes. Last night, I found the best. All other Batman spoofs are curled up beneath their covers at the moment, weeping with shame as a new classic comes to the blog:
WTF…Heels? Fighting Crime and Abusing Fashion
A common, if cliched argument. Of course, practicality isn’t the point as far as the artists are concerned, and fangirls like me have always looked the other way. Still, it’s always nice to see examples like this, from Aaron Diaz:
Click to enlarge
The Revving of Chainsaws: A Review of the Anticipation of Gears of War 3 from a female critic.
Gears of War 3 is due to release in the Americas, Australia and Europe on 20 September. By all accounts, the game is truly incredible, with crisper graphics, smoother gameplay and new weapons, finishers and all of the blood-soaked combat that fans have come to enjoy. Sadly, this isn’t a review of Gears of War 3.
Not a review of Stand By Me's gritty reboot, either.
This game has been in production since late 2009, and originally slated for release in April this year. The full release, however, never came, but faithful fans of the series were rewarded with the multiplayer beta of the game, which lasted for four weeks before it was cruelly taken away from us again.
At least I had you for a little while...
I’ve been a fan of Gears of War since I first chose X-Box over PS3 all those years ago. I’ve always loved its deep storyline, gritty combat system, hard-edged dialog, and the depth of its characters. It’s consistently fun to play, especially in multiplayer games, and there are rarely any slow points.
Not to mention chainsaw high-fives
I was at the midnight release for Gears of War 2, nearly two years ago, and the anticipation was heavy in the air (as well as body odour). As one of the only women there, I was a creature of awe to most of the other gamers, who I assumed had never actually seen a woman before.
How men see me when they realise I'm also a gamer.
Gears of War 2 was well worth the wait and the smelly crowds and the awkward compliments and come-ons. It was worth standing out in the freezing cold, worth staying inside for long periods of time afterward, simply slaughtering all comers in online deathmatches (Except for laggers, hosts and cheap-killers. Because those sorts are the only players who can kill me!)
Now, that anticipation has grown tenfold. It looms over nearly every gamer in the civilised world tonight, and it is stifling. I can hardly sit still, waiting for the opportunity to rejoin the fray once more. It’s one of the most anticipated games of the year, and me and every other gamer are salivating for it.
The anticipation, in short, is maddening. I rate it 2/5, and I’m only being generous here because we were treated to the beta earlier this year. This is among the worst anticipations I’ve ever been through, and I would not recommend it.
Key Largo, Montiego, Baby why don’t we go…
Nothing bad could possibly happen here.
Welcome to Banoi. If the natives had a term of their own for Murphy’s Law, they’d have called it that instead.
Dead Island is gorgeous, particularly if you’re playing in high definition. You can practically feel the wind brushing your cheek, the sunlight warm on your face…And, of course, the hordes of decaying undead rushing forward to tear you to bits.
Whatever CAN be infested with zombies WILL be infested with zombies
Dead Island more or less explains itself. You’re on a tropical island in the midst of a zombie apocalypse. But that’s not what you’re here to read about, is it? You want to know how it plays.
That one’s easy. I’ll assume most of you have played Valve’s unforgettable Left 4 Dead before. If you took that game, gave it a better graphics engine, made it longer and gave it a storyline, you’d have something very similar to Dead Island. This game also incorporates the particularly brilliant Dead Rising 2 addition of creating or modifying your own weapons. Cover a baseball bat with razors, create explosive ammunition, run an electric current through a katana-sword, or make a flaming axe–You can do it. Finding the components to do so, however, can be a long process indeed.
Dead Island takes everything that was great about previous zombie games like Dead Rising and Left 4 Dead, and blends it all into a gorgeous, fluid open-world experience. Quests in this game range from finding supplies for survivors to escort-jobs. And the escort missions, as opposed to many other open-world games, really aren’t terrible in this one. Each playable character has his or her own skillsets, and a level-up system that allows the characters to earn better, more effective moves or stats throughout the game, giving that RPG elements that we all love.
The game has its flaws, however. It lacks the nugatory fun of L4D, focusing on a much larger campaign, rather than smaller, more bite-sized ones that can easily be played with friends and strangers. Dead Island’s multiplayer is brilliant, with each player contributing specific character skills to the group, but it’s not a game that complete strangers are likely to play through together.
The game also has numerous glitches that act up from time to time. Walls and floors open into black, swirling limbos for no apparent reasons. Motorcars get stuck, the GPS leads you astray, and people that you try to lead to safety can sometimes lose track of where they’re supposed to go. And the AI, of course, can be truly idiotic (I like to forgive the designers for that, however. They’re zombies, after all).
I'd be suspicious, but everyone knows zombies are too stupid to write.
The game is tremendous fun in multiplayer, but single-player zombie-slayers will find this game enjoyable as well. Everything this game does well, it does exceptionally well. I found it monstrously addictive. Hack, slash, shoot, stab, and throw your machete into a running zombie like Jason Voorhees on his best day.
Best Day EVER.
It’s a bloody good time, if you’ve got about 20+ hours. My final score: 4/5.
The Problem with Exes
When I met you ten years ago, I was in love. You were sweet, sexy, clever, fun and you were always willing to do what I wanted to do. I looked past the long, awkward pauses that we had between loading screens, and just enjoyed what we had.
Then we drifted apart, you and I. It wasn’t you, Deus Ex–It was me. I always loved you, but I experienced all you had to give and I wanted more. Flashier, prettier games were out there, and I was young. Foolish.
You were always so good to me, but I left you for younger, fresher games.
Then, this month, you strolled back into my life. You were sleeker and sexier than before, with slick gameplay and brilliant graphics.
I couldn’t help myself. All of the good memories were still lingering in my mind, and I came running back to you.
For awhile, it was good again, Deus Ex. Our love affair began again, and I had fun. Your story, your gameplay (With an actual melee button!!) were among the best I’ve experienced since the first time I left you. Sure, you didn’t have multiplayer, and your voice-acting was a bit wooden, but you were still the deep, introspective, liberal lover I once knew. Sadly, our second love affair ended almost as soon as it began.
You changed, Deus Ex. We both have, I suppose. You got older, grittier, darker. You were deep, to be sure, but this time you were only a shadow of what you were before. Your old theories about the Illuminati, Majestic Six, aliens in America–they were more or less gone, save for callbacks and references here and there. The Illuminati were still a real thing for you, but they didn’t play any sort of active role in your story. I always liked your conspiracies, Deus Ex. They only added to the depth that made you so wonderful.
I still love you,but I think it’s time for us to move on. This was a quick and dirty romp for old time’s sake, really. Incredible as always, but we’ve grown too far apart. It could never have lasted.
If anyone out there is looking for a great single-player RPG-shooter that forces the player to rely more on tact than sheer firepower–a cyberpunk game with an epic storyline and wicked gameplay, Deus Ex: Human Revolution is available. My rating: 4/5. Not as good as it once was, but definitely good enough for a play.
Henchman-4-Hire 