Not all superheroes are hunky, athletic, Chris Hemsworth-types, you know. Some of them actually reflect the average American body type, which is the nice way of saying that there are fat superheroes out there. They may not get any shirtless scenes in the movies, but they are just as heroic (or villainous) as the Captain Americas or the Jokers of the world. Just because they’re packing on the poundage does not make them any less cool – or maybe that’s just what I keep telling myself while I’m eating a tube of raw cookie dough and watching Fat Albert reruns.

Not the weirdest thing to ever happen to Superman

It’s true, Internet. Your favorite comic book geek/Internet blogger is on the chunky side. But rather than be ashamed of it, today we’re going to celebrate it! Here are the 6 best overweight characters in comics. And when I finally start that diet, maybe I’ll do a list of the 6 best svelte characters in comics.

6.  Volstagg

That’s a lot of pink…

Volstagg the Voluminous is proof that not all Asgardian gods are created equal or have abs sculpted out of marble. Volstagg might be more stocky than fat in the movies, but he’s practically a living, orange-bearded whale in the comics! Though that doesn’t stop ‘Staggy from joining Thor in battle as a valued member of the Warrior’s Three and kicking all manner of Frost Giant or Dark Elf butt. Also, he rides an adorable mule into battle. That’s just fun.

5. The Blimp

Oh the humanity!

Not only are not all superheroes thin, but not all superheroes are useful either. The Blimp’s super-power is super slowness! He hovers through the air at the speed of a blimp, if that blimp were stuck in tar for some reason. That makes Blimpey Boy here perfect for the Inferior Five, a whole team of sad sack superheroes who can’t quite pass the same mustard as the Justice League. But stupid super-powers are no reason not to live your dream of dressing up in tight spandex and going out in public, right?

4. Stompa

She stomps, she likes to stomp things

Big is beautiful, boys, there’s no way around it. Even when that big, curvy lady is trying to squish your head into pudding! Stompa is a member of the Female Furies, Darkseid’s personal strike force on Apokolips, and as you can see, she’s got curves. It’s even more rare in comics for women of different body types to become anything more than just Wonder Woman’s pal, but Stompa don’t play that. She’ll go toe-to-toe with Superman if Darkseid demands it.

3. Bouncing Boy

Yes, he’s a real superhero

Already chubby to begin with, Bouncing Boy’s powers actually cause him to get bigger, rounder and bouncier! The Legion of Superheroes in the 30th century is pretty harsh when it comes to team cuts, but Bouncing Boy proved his worth and became one of their most loyal and valued members. Chuck Taine mistook a bottle of experimental elastic formula for a soda in one of those wacky superhero origins. His power allows him to expand his body into a ball, then go bouncing around the bad guys. He’s like the blueberry girl in the Willy Wonka movie, only far more useful and interesting.

2. Kingpin

Making white suits look good

If anyone asks, it’s all muscle. Or at least that’s what the Kingpin’s trading card factoid said back in the day. I don’t believe it. There’s nothing wrong with using your immense wealth and criminal connections to live a life of luxury and opulence. Wilson Fisk is the kingpin of all crime in New York City, back when that sort of thing could legitimately be controlled like a real organization. Are there any real gangsters left in New York? Most people would respect Fisk for his size, but the poor guy has to fight Spider-Man, who knows how to craft a witty but painful fat joke.

1. The Blob

Possibly the first video game boss you ever defeated

I love the Blob. I cosplayed as the Blob last summer at the Boston Comic-Con. The Blob is just great. He’s a big, fat boisterous jackass who became a super-villain because he was too much of a jerk to join the X-Men. He’s a perennial punching bag, but that totally works for him. The best thing about Blob is that his fatness isn’t his mutant power, at least not completely. Blob’s actual power is to alter the gravitational pull of the Earth beneath his massive frame. So when he shouts, “NOTHING MOVES THE BLOB!” he doesn’t just mean because he’s so fat. Blob literally turns himself into an immoveable object with gravity! Because science!

He also loved tutti-frutti ice cream!

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