Lordy praise, my eyes have been opened! Biting into the Doritos Locos Tacos is like eating at the cafeteria of God on Taco Mondays. Prometheus once upon a time gave us fire, but it seems he’s returned to this mortal plain to give us tacos wrapped in a Doritos shell as well. It’s the most ludicrously brilliant idea of man. Simple in its genius and devastating in its ingeniousness.

I can only hope the person who created the Doritos Locos Tacos is currently picking out what color cushions he wants for his throne on Mount Olympus.

Zeus, Jesus and Superman can all call it a day, their work in this world is complete

I have been waiting for this day like the coming Apocalypse, ever since I first learned that such a thing existed as the Doritos Locos Tacos. I thought to myself, ‘when Lord, when will my local Taco Bell be graced with your most divine creation?’ And then earlier this week, God (or the guy at my Taco Bell drive through) told me that the answer was soon! Thursday, in fact. But it wasn’t until today that I revisted that most bun-less of all fast food restaurants to order me some tacos.

Put aside your hatred of their ‘meat’-based products, or your fears that Taco Bell mostly served mulched newspaper. This is not a day to rehash those old fears. This is a day to fall to your knees and praise Taco Bell as the greatest of all food sources.

The movie Demolition Man was right: Taco Bell will win the fast food wars. Somehow Sylvester Stallone and Wesley Snipes knew that this day would come.

The Doritos Locos Tacos is the hydrogen bomb of food.

But how does it taste, you ask? Like a dream wrapped in a tickle smothered in joy sauce and delivered by 12 beautiful, bikini-clad women! Crunchy, yet cheesey. The meat softens the underside of the shell, but in a deliciously glorious sort of way. The cheese of the taco combines with the cheese of the nacho shell to create a cheese-splosion of intensity that hasn’t been seen since combining Pop Tarts with s’mores.

Even the name is fun to say. Why else add the word ‘locos’ unless you knew that the mere existence of this marvelous meal would rend sanity asunder. It’s like the window of human creativity has been opened. Taco Bell has revealed to us a new universe of possibilities, and we as human beings have just to climb through that window to discover where else our minds can reach.

Believe my words, dear readers, this is one damn fine taco.