Here we have a weird little story that misses the chance to have some meaningful downtime and instead introduces and dispatches a weird new super-villain. What could have been a good character-building opportunity as the Titans lick their wounds instead becomes crammed with silliness and nonsense, and only a small trace of what I would have liked. A guest appearance by Static Shock is utterly wasted, and Skittles returns mostly for the hell of it.

Teen Titans #6

Teen Titans #6 is a big missed opportunity, but it’s not a bad comic.

Comic rating: 3/5: Alright.

This issue would have been the perfect opportunity for writer Scott Lobdell to slow down and flesh out his characters. He’s doing an OK job in that regard so far, but I would still prefer a lot more work on who these teenagers are and why they’re willing to hang out with each other. They just got their butts kicked in their first superhero fight, but all of them seem to shrug it off like no big deal. None of them seem to be emotionally effected by Superboy’s ass-kicking attack. They just roll right on to the next plot point involving Kid Flash’s out of control powers.

Instead of an issue focusing entirely on the Titans, we get a several new supporting or guest characters. None of them are very interesting.

We open with the first new character: Detective Jocelyn Lure, who clearly went through some kind of ‘badass name generator’ machine. She and the NYPD have cornered the Teen Titans as they try to pick themselves up and slip away after Superboy left them in a defeated heap last issue. She wants to arrest them for…something. Being trouble-makers, I guess. Wonder Girl issues a threat, but Red Robin insists that the Titans did nothing wrong. Lure points out the $3 million in damages to Times Square and Central Park, not to mention the battleship that Solstice cut in half last issue.

Oh, that battleship!

Really Red Robin? Self-defense? You were trained by Batman, dude! Don’t play weak like that. Superheroes are never concerned about ‘legally’ anyway. And look how scared Red Robin is in that picture. Grow a pair, former Boy Wonder.

But the Titans don’t have to worry for long, because a friend of theirs shows up to deal with Lure and the cops.

That's always the best way to handle cops: attack them with your monster friend

Let me first point out that there’s an odd, white-boxed narration going on for some reason. All previous issues have had the characters themselves narrating. So I don’t know why Lobdell has suddenly added general narration from some omnipresent narrator. Since it mostly just provides background and exposition, I guess it’s there to make sure everybody’s caught up.

I have a big problem with Skittles’ look. Also, speaking of catching everyone up, I call the character ‘Skittles’ instead of ‘Skitter’ because ‘Skitter’ is a stupid name, and all I can think of is that it looks and sounds too much like ‘Skittles’. So there’s that. Anyway, she’s supposed to be this monstrous insectoid thing that Celine can’t control and lives in a cocoon half the time. I know we don’t know all of the secrets behind Skittles, but her look is just too symmetrical and pretty to be a monster. For example, she seems to have shoulder pads. And those gold features seem perfectly placed, not to mention that her monster form seems to give her some kind of black fabric to cover her breasts and thighs. Is that from her normal clothing? Did the insectoid arms and sections leave an opening for her breasts for some reason? And that headdress seems really classy with its blue baubles.

If Skittles is supposed to be some kind of monster, she looks too damn good for it. Also, she just happened to find the Titans at that exact moment? Lobdell had her sit out the fight with Superboy, but now he wants her in this issue? She never adds anything. But whatever.

Robin and Wonder Girl assume she’s still feral, but Bunker stops them in the name of team unity.

Bunker making a play for 'heart of the team'

Bunker’s plan works as Skittles seems to recognize him, even gives him a hug. She still can’t talk though. Bunker surmises that she tracked them down because something deep inside considers them friends. I guess that works. Everyone shares a happy little moment as Skittles takes a shine to Bunker.

Then Kid Flash has to ruin the party by revealing that he appears to be vibrating to death.

Drama queen

Last issue, you may recall, Superboy used his powers to super charge Kid Flash’s speed. So Kid Flash is not in a good place right now. But Red Robin knows somebody who can help: Virgil Hawkins! Otherwise known as the teenage superhero Static Shock. Otherwise known as one of the first six titles cancelled in the New 52. Maybe if Virgil had been on the Teen Titans from the get-go, his solo series would have had some support. But I digress.

Virgil, I guess, works at S.T.A.R. Labs in New York City, and is something of a genius. He spent some free time inventing a remote-controlled velociraptor.

He does have a lot of extra free time now

Red Robin sneaks in – wearing civilian clothing and his mask – and the two chat for a bit. Apparently Virgil designed Red Robin’s wingsuit. Which is a shame. Wayne Industries couldn’t have designed it? Oh well. Virgil asks why Red Robin came to him instead of going to the Justice League, and Red Robin explains that Virgil and S.T.A.R. Labs were only a 10 minute walk, as opposed to a trip up to an orbiting satellite.

Red Robin then lets the rest of the Titans into the building. They were hoping to find the Flash to help Kid Flash, but Red Robin explains that Virgil’s knowledge of molecular structure rivals the Flash’s…because that’s a thing, I guess. Anyway, Virgil recognizes that Kid Flash is having trouble, so he brings the Titans to a lab to get to work on stabilizing him.

Meanwhile, we meet our villain for the issue: Grymm, because who needs to spell when you can just be kewl!

Not quite the character find of 2012

According to the narration, Grymm is an evil metahuman teenager being studied by S.T.A.R. Labs. It seems he can read minds, and he notices that Skittles doesn’t have any protective mental barriers, so she’s his ticket out of here. So we’ll see that in a few pages.

But Grymm is dumb. His look is silly and his name is stupid. I don’t want to see the Teen Titans fight this guy. I want to see the Teen Titans fretting over the fate of Kid Flash. I want to see them express worry to one another and bond over this troublesome moment. Instead we get some random, uninteresting super-villain thrown into the issue to pad out the action. And just wait until you see how worthless Grymm turns out to be.

But wait! We’re not yet done with the guest stars. We cut back to Detective Lure, who reveals that Kid Flash has some pretty mysterious origins and is possibly some kind of space criminal from the future.

Next you'll tell me Bunker is a micronaut from between space

Now that’s a pretty cool development, but also a pretty lame one. Giving some of our characters mysterious back stories is a very good idea, especially since the Teen Titans have mostly just come together by chance. So Kid Flash being some kind of criminal is cool. However, him being some kind of time-traveling space criminal is not. I realize that Bart Allen in the old continuity was from the future. But in this rebooted continuity, they should do away with the casual time-travel. Create a brand new origin for Bart that doesn’t involve something so insane. Oh well.

Back at the lab, Kid Flash is strapped to a table and freaking out. Solstice stands nearby to offer some support, and we get a tiny bit of what I want in terms of character building. It doesn’t help that he’s vibrating out of control and she’s a black smoke monster. Kid Flash tells her that he doesn’t know where his powers come from or who he is. So I guess he’s got amnesia and doesn’t remember his criminal past. Solstice tells him it’s going to be OK.

Red Robin tells them to break it up.

They can make out on their own time

Virgil gets the show on the road and loads Kid Flash into an M.R.I.

Meanwhile, Wonder Girl tells the others that she’s going to take off. Bunker tries to talk her into reconsidering, but Wonder Girl is rather headstrong. Then Bunker reveals to her that he’s gay, and Wonder Girl complains that her ‘gaydar’ isn’t working properly. This is another great scene with two characters actually connecting through mild banter. Unfortunately, it’s quickly interrupted by Grymm, who has taken over Skittles’ mind, like he said he would.

Bunker and Wonder Girl chase after Skittles, only to find that she is under the thrall of Grymm.

OK, I take it back, Skittles does do something - get used by the bad guy

Wonder Girl rushes into the fight, despite Bunker’s pleas to hear Grymm out. Grymm returns the shock from Wonder Girl’s lariat, knocking her back into Bunker and they both collapse to the ground. Grymm starts laying down a little exposition, explaining that he was given his powers by the U.S. Government, but he didn’t want them. None of the soldiers in his unit wanted powers, in fact. So he’s a former soldier turned into a super-villain? That could have some interesting potential down the line.

Grymm reveals a ton of strange new powers, including some type of body-controlling neurotoxin that he can inject from his fingertips. He’s paralyzed the pair, intent on snapping their necks.

Creepy scene is creepy

I’m a little confused as to whether he can control their minds or their bodies…but Bunker lays it out that Grymm can’t control their minds (despite what he was clearly doing to Skittles). So since Bunker’s powers are psionic, he’s able to conjure up a purple brick thingamabob to knock out Grymm in one hit. They wrap him up and join the others.

Static Shock, meanwhile, has invented a superhero costume that’s going to magically control Kid Flash’s vibration problem.

He just sort of had it lying around

Virgil spews a lot of comic booky nonsense about ‘quantum speed theory and it’s effect on human physiology’, and then Kid Flash reads a giant book on the subject. It’s a cute bit of comedy, another tiny taste of the sort of characterization we could be getting. Kid Flash then quickly gets dressed up in the new costume that Virgil designed for him. While I like the look of the costume, this seems like a horribly temporary solution. Does this mean he’s forced to wear the costume at all times or his body will start super-vibrating again? That sounds like it’s going to be needlessly melodramatic. And you can throw all the fake science you want at me, it doesn’t sound possible that the costume would simply solve the problem like this. Still, at least it looks cool.

Oh hooray, more 'red' in the teams' costumes

Then the team reunites and decides they’re going to go back home and regroup to prepare for war against Superboy and N.O.W.H.E.R.E.

Color me not interested.

This book just isn’t doing a very good job of introducing interesting or compelling villains. I’ve complained pretty much nonstop about the lameness of N.O.W.H.E.R.E., so I care very little about the Titans going back after them. We all know that Superboy is going to join the team. Make it happen already! And why doesn’t Static join the team? How come he gets a cushy job and a nice home in New York City, but the rest of the Titans have to be on the run? Add Virgil to the team, give him a higher profile. Not that the book needs anymore heroes.

Teen Titans needs to do more with the heroes it has. There were a few bright spots throughout the issue where we almost got some good interaction and characterization. But then Lobdell seemed to go out of his way to interrupt these moments. I’m all for seeding future stories, but the introduction of Grymm could have been put on hold to allow more time for the team to get to know one another. I’m far more interested in Bunker and Wonder Girl connecting than I am in them fighting Grymm.

These series needs a serious injection of teen drama, stat!