It’s gonna be the brawl to end it all as Marvel Comics’ biggest heavyweights take to the squared circle in the next big Event Comic. The Avengers’ title belt is on the line as X-Men, far removed from their days of glory, steps up in a big way to reclaim the title of most popular franchise in comics! Children will be crying in the aisles and panties will be tossed into the ring as these two titans of tectonic terror prove once and for all who is the fans love most. Will the dynamic, eye-blasting Cyclops be able to lead his team to victory against the patriotic, shield-swinging Captain America? Or will the enigmatic Iron Man take it hardcore to the likes of Storm? And what about wildcard Wolverine, a member of both teams, will he be able to choose a side? It’s going to be the most hair-raising, spine-bursting, lip-quivering comic EVER!

Or at least that’s how I figure Marvel wants most people to react.

Me…I’m a little underwhelmed at the announcement. And I don’t know why.

My money is on Cyclops!

More after the jump.

This sounds like a fantastic premise for a big Event Comic: Avengers vs. X-Men. But I dunno…it’s just not striking me as all that interesting. It’s probably also be done before to some degree. I think. My extensive comics knowledge has a few holes in it. Does anybody know any concrete battle between these two teams?

Anyway, this new Event Comic was announced today in USA Today, because they have some kind of demonic contract with Marvel to write comic book-based news stories and to spoil big revelations before the actual comics come out. It’s apparently going to be a 12-issue mini-series next year, written by a revolving group of Marvel’s best writers, with some of its best artists tackling different chapters of the story. It sounds fantastic!

Here’s what Ed Brubaker has to say about it:

It’s one of those legendary ideas: What if the Avengers fought the X-Men? It doesn’t get much easier to describe than that.

I think perhaps it’s the reasoning and the timing behind this fight. Basically the idea is that the Phoenix Force is coming back to Earth, and most people think it’s going to bond with Hope Summers. And for some reason the Scarlet Witch is going to play a big role. The X-Men want to handle this, but I guess the Avengers want to get involved because the world is threatened. That leads to the titular battle. To what end? Who knows!

The problem is that none of those characters or concepts interest me. The Phoenix Force is a classic Marvel cosmic entity that’s been around for decades, most famously known for bonding with popular X-Woman Jean Grey and leading to all manner of stories back in the 80s and 90s. Jean is currently dead. The Phoenix Force was bonded with Rachel Summers for awhile, but then left for reasons that I don’t know were ever explained. But essentially, who cares about the Phoenix Force anymore? It has been stripped of all dramatic oomph. Somebody usually has it, but nobody does anything with it. It’s only been ‘gone’ for a year or two, maybe. So this teaser picture is pretty boring:

Whoop-dee-frickin'-doo!

Hope Summers is a mysterious new mutant teenager who was the first mutant born after the Scarlet Witch used her magic powers to stop mutants from being born or developing powers. Nobody is quite sure how Hope circumvented the Scarlet Witch’s magic, but Hope being around has triggered other new mutants to get powers. So that’s a big ongoing storyline. After Hope was born, she was taken into the future and raised to be a soldier, only to come back to the present as a teenager. Her last name is ‘Summers’ because she was raised by Nathan Summers and nobody knew her real family anyway. So she’s not a biological Summers. Yes, that last name is important. It’s all very, very complicated.

But I don’t give a rat’s patoot about Hope Summers.

Even if I do have a thing for redheads

So I care even less about the possibility of the Phoenix Force bonding with Hope Summers. As for the timing, well the X-Men are just beginning their new Regenesis status quo, with the team split between Wolverine and Cyclops. Regenesis is barely going to get started by the time this big even kicks off in April. Don’t the X-Men get any time to just cool their heels? At the same time, the Avengers are never on solid ground. They have been changing members and adjectives every couple of months for the past 10 years or so. There’s no core team of established Avengers or core team of established X-Men to get into a fight. There are just these big amorphous blobs of superheroes who I guess will come to blows.

This big story announcement just doesn’t grab me at all. I’ll still buy it though, probably even review it here on my blog.

My only hope is that Multiple Man comes back to life in time to be a part of it. *fingers crossed*