Replacing Spider-Man with a half-black, half-latino kid is the worst kind of liberal garbage in the history of all comics! It’s a vicious, bile-forming, rage-inducing, anti-America affront to all that is good and decent in this world! Glen Beck was right in claiming this was just the liberal media’s way of sucking up to President Obama and the First Lady. We should all get pitchforks and torches and march down to the Marvel officers and burn them asunder!

Ultimate Comics: All-New Spider-Man #1

No, I’m kidding. It’s actually a pretty cool comic, starting off the new Ultimate Spider-Man with a slow burn introduction. It’s written by the master of the slow burn, Brian Michael Bendis, so I’m more than willing to give him time to work his magic. That’s how the original Ultimate Spider-Man started, after all, and it was a fantastic story back in 2000.

Glen Beck really did say that, or something similar. And his anger made Bendis smile. A lot of people were freaking out when it was announced that ethnically-diverse 13-year-old Miles Morales would be taking over for white bread Peter Parker. They’re fools. I’m behind Miles 100%, even if I think they killed off Peter while his story was still very good and entertaining. Still, change is good and I trust Bendis to tell us a good and entertaining story. I wrote a blog post about Miles back when he was first announced, and I said it might be cool to see the themes and style of Spider-Man told through the eyes and world of a new character. It’s not like this is the first time that any superhero, Spider-Man included, has ever been replaced by someone new under the mask.

So as I was saying, in this issue we’re introduced to Miles Morales, the new Ultimate Spider-Man. Peter Parker died in a glorious battle with the Green Goblin and the Sinister Six, and he was laid to rest in grand fashion, with hundreds of New Yorkers turning out for his funeral. His secret identity was exposed in the final battle. But it’s OK, everybody viewed him as a hero.

Miles is so far a polite, somewhat shy young man with loving parents – though he has a little trouble communicating with them. He seems to understand the different between earning something and simply getting something, and how one is better than the other. That, of course, is going to be an important factor considering how he gets his spider-powers. The issue went by quickly and it didn’t seem like we got to see enough of Miles, but like I said, it’s a slow burn. We’ve met Miles’ family and some important people in his life, especially his Uncle Aaron, who appears to be the black sheep of the family.

Miles gets his spider-powers in this issue – key if you’re going to be Spider-Man – but he doesn’t yet put on the costume or in any way mention Spider-Man. That’s what future issues are for.

Swing baby, swing

Let me take a moment to explain to you non-comics fans the difference between Spider-Man and Ultimate Spider-Man. The former is the same character we’ve all been reading about since his debut in the 1960s. The regular Peter Parker is alive and well in the pages of Amazing Spider-Man, just as he’s always been and will probably always remain. Ultimate Spider-Man, however, takes place in an alternate reality from the normal Marvel Comics universe.

Back in 2000, Marvel wanted to try something new with its characters. So while all the normal comics were still being published, they started a side project called the Ultimate Universe. In this new project, they would retell the origins of all their classic characters, giving them a more contemporary and modern spin while still staying true to the character. Brian Michael Bendis, who was new to Marvel at the time, took the reigns of Ultimate Spider-Man and retold the familiar origin of Peter Parker. Bendis took his time and wrote a really compelling origin, with the same murdered uncle and everything.

It was a huge hit. Marvel quickly followed with Ultimate takes on the X-Men, Avengers, Fantastic Four and more. Most of them were great, some were mediocre, and eventually all of them got bogged down in complicated continuity and muddied stories.

So now Marvel is trying to sort it all out into new titles and adventures, and Miles Morales is the flagship.

Let’s meet him.

Teenagers; only 13 and already he’s rolling his eyes at his mom

The actual issue starts with a flashback to 11 months ago with Norman Osborn, the villainous Green Goblin. He’s in his lab at Osborn Industries talking to scientist Dr. Markus about spiders. Norman knows that he created Spider-Man, that it was Norman’s genetically modified spider that bit Peter Parker on a school field trip and gave him his powers. So this issue takes place behind the scenes of when Peter Parker was Spider-Man. But there was never really a strict timeline, so who knows when ’11 months ago’ really was. But Norman demands that Dr. Markus figure out how to recreate Spider-Man’s powers with some of the test spiders.

Though it seems that the test spider marked #42 has ideas of his own. He slips away and hides in the shadows of the lab.

Cut to a Daily Bugle article revealing Norman Osborn as the Green Goblin. His company is in ruins and he’s jailed. Though his super-villain career is off to a great start. A bit later, some thief in a Deadpool mask sneaks into the ruins of Osborn Industries. He breaks into a safe and steals a lot of money, as well as some glowing object in a small red box. Very mysterious. Meanwhile, spider #42 sneaks into the thief’s duffel bag.

Then we get to meet Miles and his parents in Manhattan. As in the picture above, they’re heading to the prestigious Brooklyn Visions Academy. Miles has been entered into a lottery to get enrollment, along with about 700 other teens. His mom is excited for the opportunity, his dad is just going along with it and Miles is less than thrilled. He doesn’t like the idea that he’s going to get into this school just because of a lottery. He hasn’t earned it, so he’s not very excited about it. And, of course, he’s the very last name picked.

Um…yay?

Afterwards, Miles goes to visit his Uncle Aaron, even though he’s not supposed to. Apparently his parents don’t like it when Miles visits Uncle Aaron, who is something of a black sheep, it seems, though we don’t really know why. Aaron is happy that Miles got into the charter school and treats him to some popsicles. Miles takes a seat on the couch and we see the thief’s duffel bag, as well as the little red box. Is Aaron the thief? We don’t know. He seems like a nice guy who has Miles’ best interest at heart. Plus he’s got popsicles!

But he’s also got spider #42 hiding in his duffel bag.

Look out Miles!

Bitten by a radioactive spider, classic!

And that’s how Miles gets his spider powers. Just like Peter Parker, Miles is bitten by a genetically altered spider from Norman Osborn’s lab. Only this is a different spider, and Miles is going to get some different powers, as we’ll soon see. I’m cool with this idea. No need for some freaky new origin. Might as well keep it similar. It’s a nice and clean tale. This is also going to play a role in earning vs. receiving something. Miles didn’t earn his powers. He basically just won the superhero lottery, like he won the school lottery. How’s he going to feel about that?

So Miles passes out for a bit. His uncle was in the kitchen getting a glass of water when he was bitten, so he didn’t see anything. Uncle Aaron rushes to Miles’ side. Miles wakes up soon after, but Aaron has already called Miles’ dad, who rushes over. Dad is upset that Miles is hanging out with his brother, Uncle Aaron, and he accuses Aaron of giving Miles some drugs. Miles tries to explain that it was a spider bite, but nobody listens to him. Instead, Aaron and Dad get into an argument while Miles runs away.

His dad rushes outside after him, calling for Miles. But he can’t see his boy…

Because Miles is invisible!

Or at least, his body and clothes have camouflaged themselves against the building. Hard to tell, but it’s a revelation of both his spider-powers and the fact that he has some different powers than the normal Spider-Man. So that’s pretty cool. It’s a good idea to give him new powers, but at the same time, he should keep similar powers at least. I wouldn’t want the new Spider-Man to be too different. I still want to read about Spider-Man. Fortunately, it looks like we’ll get the web-slinging wonder we know and love. With a fancy new costume too.

Black is the new blue

This was a good first issue. It’s slow, like I said, but we’re getting to meet everyone and setting up the origin. In the original run of Ultimate Spider-Man, Peter didn’t become a superhero until issue 3 or 4 or 5. He started slow, just like Miles. So I know there is better stuff to come. This issue was simple and enjoyable. And the art by Sara Pichelli is awesome. It’s very clean, clear and realistic-looking, which is what I want in my superhero comics.

I know it might be a little hypocritical of me to complain when the DC Rejiggering has such slow burn issues, yet praise this issue doing the same thing. But the difference is that the DC comics are heralding an entire, company-wide relaunch where all their futures depend on the success of those issues and how well they attract new readers! This Ultimate Spider-Man comic really only pertains to this Ultimate Spider-Man comic! The entirety of Marvel is not resting on the success of the Ultimate comics. They’re just a side project.

Big difference.