After several weeks and hours, I have finally beaten Witcher 2: Assassins of Kings for the PC, and it is one of the finest RPGs I’ve ever had the pleasure of playing – though it has a few faults here and there. The overall adventure is a blast, with an incredible fighting system that requires actual skill and balance, as well as a bounty of fun quests, side quests and fully-voiced characters. And not enough can be said about the gorgeous graphics.

The grim and the grimmer

Witcher 2 is the continuing adventures of Geralt of Rivia, monster slayer-for-hire. I never played Witcher 1, so I assume part of the story picks up from there, it’s never made particularly clear. Witcher 2 is a mix of the overall saga and a storyline just for this game, with a lot left over for Witcher 3 to pick up. I can’t wait.

A mysterious assassin is killing kings and Geralt has been framed. He and his companions must travel across the land to clear his name and get to the bottom of an even larger conspiracy that has plunged the world into war. Those kings who are still alive want more power, while those nations who have lost their heads of state have to find a way to maintain. Meanwhile, in each city he visits, Geralt can pick up monster-slaying jobs, help out the local townsfolk and get into fight clubs or arm-wrestling tournaments. So there’s plenty of fun things to do as the story moves along.

And it’s a fun story, though confusing at times. The game does not hold your hand and expects you to use their Journal system to read up on the different countries, kings and characters. You’re thrown right into a lengthy prologue and introduced to a myriad of characters right off the bat, all of whom remain important throughout the game. Even the naked chick. Then Witcher 2 is broken into three acts and an epilogue, and each act gets its own city and surrounding area for you to explore. And it’s simply beautiful to explore! The luscious forests and squalid towns create a rich atmosphere of medieval monster-killing and bottom-dwelling!

Pretty Forest

And the best part is that at the end of Act 1, you have to pick a side and stick with that side through the rest of the game. Which means once you beat the game, you can start a new game and have actual new content waiting for you by picking the other side! I know I can’t wait to start my next play through.

There are a lot of big decisions in this game, from that major game-altering decision to more nuanced choices that effect the story. Some of these choices pay off by the end of the game, and some, I assume, will pay off in Witcher 3.  Several times you’re given the option of letting someone live or die, but both options have their pros and cons. One big distinction between this game and other RPGs is that the choices in this game aren’t necessarily good vs. evil, nice guy vs. jerk. Geralt and everyone around him seem to live in a perpetual shade of gray. I only wish some of these decisions had a more immediate impact. I let one guy live in the prologue, and then he shows up in Act 3 for a brief, pointless chat. And when everything is gray, the dialogue options aren’t very dramatic.

Especially when Geralt’s voice actor sounds lethargic and only semi-interested in anything he says. Talk about a droning monotone voice. But then it feels like they planned it that way to make Geralt more badass. Oh well. He’s a good protagonist, the strong and willful type. And you can play him as either altruistic or more concerned with getting paid. At least your friends and enemies are fun and exciting. Most of your allies are a delight to hang out with. In the storyline I picked, me and one of my allies became a sort of buddy-cop team kicking ass and taking names.

But you probably want to know more about that naked chick, right? She’s there in the beginning, and there are plenty more like her throughout the rest of the game. This is an adult RPG, with sex, swearing, drinking and epic violence. It’s low down and dirty, and I’m glad for that. It may be silly to giggle at naked chicks in a video game, but it adds an extra level of seriousness that I like. The sleaze and the raunch means anything can happen, and there were some truly disgusting and heart-rending twists. If the game makers are willing to show sex in their game, then they’re also willing to do a whole lot worse.

But they're definitely willing to show sex!

But you don’t care about the sex! You want to know about the gameplay, right? Right? Of course you do. The gameplay is great! It’s a keyboard and mouse control, of which I’m a fan. Sword-swinging is tied to the mouse, and spells get one button to cast. You just have to go into the spell selection screen (which slows down gameplay) to switch spells. It doesn’t ruin the pace of fights at all and is very easy to pull off. However, as much fun as the fighting can be, this is also one of the game’s biggest faults.

Witcher 2 is not your typical hack and slash. Yes, your main form of attack is the sword, but if you don’t add a variety of spells, potions and grenades/traps to the fight, you’re going to lose. You need to throw up a shield spell one second, then a stun spell the next, all while blocking, rolling and waiting for an opening to slice. The enemies will gang up on you to an annoying degree, and you’ve got to juggle them effectively if you hope to win. It can be frustrating at first (especially since the game just throws you straight into massive fights in the prologue), but once you get the hang of it, it can be fun and strategic.

It's on like Donkey Kong

So it’s a fun RPG with a nice story, great characters and a cool combat system, but it’s not without its flaws. Along with the ridiculously difficult (at times) combat, you also don’t get to heal during a fight. No drinking potions with the push of a button. What you have to do is predict when you may get into a fight and go through an elaborate inventory system to drink several potions in advance. But a lot of the time you don’t know when a fight is coming, or the cut scenes eat up  the brief window that the potions last. And sometimes it seems that the potions are critical to surviving a fight.

Spells are difficult at first. There are only five and they all have weird names. For example, your stun spell is called Aard and your shield spell is called Quen. Who know why they need those complicated names, but once you figure them out and memorize their placement on the spell selection screen, it won’t be a problem anymore.

I also had a problem with a slow mouse at times, but I don’t know if that was design or a problem on my end. Not only during the heavy graphics scenes, but also in the simple menus and dialogue options. The mouse was just sluggish, which was annoying. My computer was able to handle the graphics for the most part, but slowed down in the epic army scenes or boss fights. Yet I managed.

The minor gripes do not ruin Witcher 2 by a long shot. It’s a great adventure with a challenging and fun combat system. I can’t say that you’ll fall in love with any of the characters, and the story is pretty thick at times, but you should be able to enjoy it nonetheless.

Now it’s time for my second playthrough! I hear you get to shag a cute elf chick in the other storyline!