Who could have guessed what a big difference it would be to not have the Teen Titans talking about N.O.W.H.E.R.E. all the time. Nine freakin’ issues, and we’re finally almost completely out of the woods from that horrendous opening storyline. N.O.W.H.E.R.E. gets a single mention in this issue, but it’s easily overlooked. Instead, the next story seems to be about the rebooted origin of Wonder Girl, and it looks promising. We even get a teensy bit of the Teen Titans being teens…but there’s still one major problem with the series.

Teen Titans #11

Teen Titans is suffering from Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder.

Comic rating: 3/5: Alright.

Both the writing and art come together to tell a story that literally has the Titans bouncing off the walls, and sometimes smashing through them. It’s like this series can’t sit still. Last issue saw the Teens relaxing after the epic battle that was the Culling…but they did so on a mysterious island populated by living dinosaurs! Things can’t just be normal for the Teen Titans. They can’t be people. They have to be cartoon characters. It’s frustrating. Whereas I want to read character depth, Scott Lobdell and Brett Booth are giving me zany, off-the-wall wackiness in the form of superheroics.

And I guess, in the end, that just means this comic isn’t for me. It’s a shame too, since Tim Drake remains one of my all-time favorite comic book characters. He’s treated pretty well in Teen Titans, but he’s still barely separated from the wackiness.

Plus there are the rumors about him no longer being Robin…but we won’t speak of those. Not until we absolutely must. Join me after the jump for a full synopsis and more review.

It doesn’t take long at all to find a perfect example for my ADHD complaint. This issue opens with a few of the Titans battling a super strong super-villain in their own headquarters. His name is – ugh – Loose Cannon, and he’s basically just a big, blue-colored strong guy.

Super-villain names have really taken a step down

This series has been terrible when it comes to super-villains. It’s like Lobdell has a Random Villain Generator App in his phone, and it’s given him such gems as Thrice, Detritus and Grymm. If you don’t remember who any of those people are, I don’t blame you. They popped up for basically just a single issue, fought the Titans and then disappeared. Maybe someday Lobdell will use them again. Or maybe he was just desperate to insert some gratuitous super-villain action into his comic.

Of the three of them, only Thrice actually had anything to do with his issue’s plot. Detritus and Grymm literally had nothing to do with the story at hand, they just appeared for a few pages and then the issue was done with them. I’d call them filler, except they weren’t padding out the story. They were just there.

It’s like Lobdell has a mandate to cram as much action and craziness into his book as possible, lest we all stop paying attention and our heads explode, or something.

Loose Cannon is just as bad.

It’s explained that Bunker, worried about the Titans breaking up, put an ad on what is essentially Craigslist for new members. The first and only one he met was Loose Cannon. He doesn’t get a real name, he’s just a bland nobody who was lying to get up to the Titans HQ just so he could fight and absorb their power.

That’s his psycho face

That’s pretty much it. He doesn’t have a name, doesn’t have much of a backstory, and doesn’t do anything but just fight the Titans for a few pages for no particular reason. Rather than do something reasonable like having the Teen Titans sitting around like normal people, Lobdell demands that they fight a nonsense super-villain. Because this series has ADHD. Or what about taking the time to expand this storyline in any way? The idea of Bunker advertising Titans membership on Craiglist is a cool idea, something that could really build his character. Why not take some time to flesh out that story? Maybe actually write out the interview, let us meet Loose Cannon for real and then get surprised when he betrays the Titans. Instead it’s just a one-off joke followed by a meaningless, unnecessary fight scene that adds nothing to the Titans themselves, and creates one of the most boring super-villains ever.

So anyway, it’s Kid Flash, Bunker and Solstice who fight Loose Cannon, until they’re joined by Wonder Girl, who kicks his ass and leaves him depowered out in the bay at the end of the fight. Then she depowers, her armor receding, and Wonder Girl says that she blacked out while using her powers. And that it’s happened before. Also, the first page of the comic was Cassie in the bathroom with her magic armor poking through her body.

Just put, like, a million band aids on that

This part is good. Cassie Sandsmark has been given a complete overhaul in the New 52 reboot. In the old comics, she’d been Wonder Woman’s sidekick, a young girl who’d been gifted powers by the Mighty Zeus, then later found out that Zeus was really her father. In the new universe, she has no connection to Wonder Woman or Zeus (especially since Wonder Woman is now a surprise daughter of Zeus. She kind of stole Wonder Girl’s origin). Cassie’s powers come from the Silent Armor, which is a cool name for it. The mystery of the armor has been teased a lot over the past year, so it’s great to have a story focusing on it.

I just wish this issue featured more angst and less action.

Now some of you might be saying that if I don’t like it, I should just stop reading. Clearly this book isn’t for me. And I’d agree. But I don’t really like the idea of quitting one of my review books. Besides, it’s the only DC book I review on this site. I think I need to overhaul my review choices and process, try to squeeze in more comics. But for now, I’ll just keep forging ahead.

Take a guess what happens to Loose Cannon after he’s dropped into the bay. Did you guess ‘never heard from again’? Ding ding! We have a winner!

Anyway, we take a brief moment to visit the Museum of Natural History, where some mystical naked guy with wounds all over his body senses the Silent Armor and is tracking Cassie. I’m sure he’ll be back next issue.

Then we get a scene that’s almost exactly what I want from this series: Bunker, Kid Flash and Solstice hanging out, watching TV and eating pizza. It’s just that they do it in costume and in a debris-filled apartment. Things just won’t be normal for these kids.

Well, costumes and ugly shirts, at least

Across town, Superboy is hanging out on the roof of his apartment building with a blonde girl named Dallas. I guess maybe this was all covered in his solo series? That he has his own apartment and loose floozies? Maybe? He’s wearing a muscle shirt and sunglasses at night, so obviously he’s a really cool dude. Dallas comments on his Superman tattoo and shirt, thinking that he’s just a big fan boy. But Superboy excuses himself when he sees that Lex Towers – where the Teen Titans hang out – seems to have lost all it’s power.

Sure enough, the other Titans notice as well, and Kid Flash zips down to the basement to check out the breakers – only to get punched by a mysterious armored hand! He stays conscious just long enough to zip back upstairs to the others, where he collapses. Then we get some lovely characterization from Solstice, building off the make out time that she and Kid Flash shared last issue.

Young love

That is legitimately funny writing. So at least we know that Lobdell is capable of it during certain scenes.

Bunker uses his powers to put a wall between them and this new mysterious bad guy, but the villain just smashes through and knocks out Bunker in the process. Solstice identifies the attacker as Wonder Girl, but we don’t yet see for ourselves. Solstice powers up to fight!

Down on the street, Tim Drake is taking a taxi to Lex Tower. The driver is stuck in traffic and notes that some commotion ahead is the cause. Then when he looks in the rearview mirror, Tim is already gone.

Back upstairs, we see Solstice really cut loose! Her blue, smokey energy is off the charts as she gives Wonder Girl everything she has, and we get a pretty cool one-page fight. Solstice also gets a pretty badass line at the end, giving us a hint about her so-far unknown powers. Solstice really steals the issue, I gotta say.

She’s really stepping up her game!

We immediately cut to Red Robin, now in costume, flying to the Tower. He’s worried that something has happened to the Titans. He’s soon joined by Superboy, who took the time to put on a jacket. Superboy mentions how this doesn’t seem like N.O.W.H.E.R.E., and hopefully that’s the last we hear of that group for a long time. He also senses that all the Titans are unconscious. The two heroes pick through the rubble until they find…Wonder Girl!

Too bad that armor was spoiled by the cover

I think that’s a pretty exciting cliffhanger. The threat is character-based, and promises to reveal some of Wonder Girl’s new origin. The growing love triangle between Red Robin, Wonder Girl and Superboy is one I’m legitimately interested in reading about. And the ‘villain’ isn’t just going to be some throwaway nobody. The next issue promises to, maybe, kinda, sorta, be good.

But again, to sum up, my problem with Teen Titans is a simple one: this book is far too frantic. The characters never get a moment to rest, and instead are always running, fighting, punching or something. I want them to settle down and talk to each other like real people, allowing the reader to get to know them better as characters. That way we’ll care more about them when the crazy action starts. The art is just as much to blame as the writing. While I still love the detailed style of Brett Booth, his pencils have become just as hectic as the story. Everything is wild and zany, with panels and characters crammed into each other.

Unfortunately, it doesn’t look like I’m ever going to get what I want with the Teen Titans. I’ll keep reading though. I shouldn’t review only the books I like.

Oh yeah, and before I forget, there’s a short back-up story in this comic written by Fabian Nicieza. It’s about three half-dinosaur, half-human teenagers who arrive in Manhattan from Mystery Island. New characters, I imagine. They might have the potential to be cool, except they’re named silly names like “Steg” and “Teryx”.

I’m surprised how long it’s taken comic books to create people with dinosaur-based super powers

The trio cause some trouble before fleeing, and Kid Flash shows up at the end to hear all the witnesses and cops talking about the trio. And that’s about it. We’re told this story will continue in Teen Titans #12 and DC Comics Presents #12. I’m not reading that series, and I’m not about to start for these guys. Sorry.