Ugh. Talk about a complete 180-degree turn from the previous issue. Whereas in #6 we actually had some characters debating the merits of this Phoenix-fueled conflict, Avengers vs. X-Men #7 launches straight into a convoluted fight scene, then follows up with page after page of incomprehensible science mumbo jumbo. Plus, I need to stop kidding myself, because Marvel have clearly established the X-Men as the villains of this piece. Now I have no one to root for. Captain America and the Avengers have come off as pig-headed bullies who refuse to even entertain the idea that the X-Men might be right. But because of the nature of the story, the X-Men are most definitely wrong.

Avengers vs. X-Men #7

Which means the pig-headed bullies get to be right by default. And without any moment of compromise or even trying to see the conflict through their opponent’s eyes, Captain American and Wolverine just get to gloat about how they’re awesome, and how Cyclops and the X-Men should have just accepted life under their boot heel.

Comic rating: 3/5: Alright.

I’m not just basing my score on the fact that the team I’ve backed for this entire conflict is being turned into the obvious villains. Even as Marvel tries to keep Cyclops’ intentions pure, the rest of the PhoeniX-Men are turning against him. There’s a scene at the end of the issue between Namor and Emma Frost that makes my blood boil, and if Marvel is really going that route, then shame on them. But the real problem with this issue is that the writing is just dull after last issue’s exciting chapter. The fight scene to start this issue is just a lot of flashy powers and shouting. Then we get several pages of conversation where the Avengers talk nonsense about the powers of the PhoeniX-Five and the Scarlet Witch, as if we the readers or they the writers have any idea how to quantify such cosmically-scaled powers.

And then several pages are wasted on the most idiotic of ruses where we learn that the PhoeniX-Men fear even the mere presence of the Scarlet Witch. But the ruse lasts only a handful of panels, so what was even the point of using it? For page padding? And the cliffhanger to end the issue couldn’t be more boring. Not in the sense that it’s actually ho-hum boring, but in that it promises nothing we haven’t seen before in this series. I’m actually a little surprised that the issue ended where it did considering it’s just another fight.

Continue after the jump for a full synopsis and more review.

Allow me a moment to explain what I meant by the pig-headed bullies getting to gloat, and why I don’t like that. Last issue, we saw that the PhoeniX-Men were using their new power to reshape the world into a better place. They brought water and crops to third world countries, stopped armed conflict, and a whole mess of other good things. Now if the series stopped there, it would be a happy ending. Everybody was worried about the Phoenix coming, but when it got here, Cyclops and the X-Men were proven right and used the Phoenix to make the world a better place. Huzzah!

But, of course, we know it’s not going to end there, and this breaks the suspension of disbelief that is fiction. We, as readers, know that the Marvel Universe is not going to change in such a drastic way on a permanent basis. We know that there are still six issues to go in this series. So obviously something is going to happen where the PhoeniX-Men are no longer going to be using their powers to make a better world. Most likely their absolute power is going to absolutely corrupt. It sucks that we can predict that story, but we’ve seen this in fiction plenty of times.

However, there is no reason why Captain America and the Avengers should be able to predict this ending.

Is this supposed to be the American way?

Why didn’t Cap and the Avengers give the X-Men the benefit of the doubt? Black Panther and Beast both pointed out last issue that there were no signs that anything was going to go wrong for at least a whole week of the PhoeniX-Men in power. Cyclops was right. So why couldn’t Cap admit that he was wrong and give the X-Men a chance?

Because Captain America is stubborn. And he’s dragged his whole team of Avengers along with his stubbornness. And this is what my problem is: Cap’s stubborn, pig-headedness is going to win by default because that’s how the story is going to go. Captain America is basically sticking his fingers in his ears singing “La La La”, and he’ll keep doing that until he’s proven right in the end. He won’t see things from the X-Men’s perspective, he won’t make even an inch of concession that maybe the X-Men are using the Phoenix Force for good. He absolutely refuses to see anyone else’s point of view but his own. He’s being a huge jerk about this whole thing.

And in the end, he’s going to be right. Not through anything he did, but simply because the story has to have the PhoeniX-Men fail, because this story is taking place in a fictional universe that cannot change to this degree.

So I just wish Captain America and the Avengers had taken a moment to maybe see if the X-Men really could handle the Phoenix. They could be on standby to see if anything goes wrong. But they should have given the PhoeniX-Men the benefit of the doubt, instead of immediately jumping down their throats with the whole, “I’m still right, and you’re still going to have to do what I want.” It would be easier to root for the Avengers if they weren’t being such assholes about this.

Also, one last point I want to make before we get to the synopsis. Who made Captain America the superhero police? Who is he to determine how much super-power is too much super-power? Hypothetically, what if a superhero came along with the power to reshape the world, but it didn’t come from the cosmic space bird that Cap already hated? What if somebody got bit by a radioactive elemental table and just developed the power to do all this stuff, and then just started doing it out of the goodness of his heart? Would the Avengers still try to put him down? With all of the hundreds of costumed superheroes running around, why is it only OK that they have minimal powers, enough to make a fun codename and fight crime?

It’s like Captain America has drawn an imaginary line for super-powers. If your powers cross that line, no matter your good intentions, you’re going down. If you stay on the right side of the line and design yourself a colorful costume, then welcome to the Avengers!

Alright, rant over. Let’s get on with the synopsis.

The very first page reveals the PhoeniX-Men to be evil. As they seize Stark Tower, Cyclops calls Captain America “an old fool” and Emma Frost compares the Avengers Academy to the Hitler Youth. You guys fail already.

Especially for Cyclops’ little red thong

They’re searching for the Avengers after Cyclops declared “No more Avengers” at the end of last issue. Suddenly, Magik and a squad of X-Men have found the Avengers! Where were they hiding? It doesn’t say, nor does it show us. All of a sudden we go from the X-Men trying to find the Avengers, to finding them in an unrevealed location without anything on the walls to indicate a place or even a room. The two teams literally start fighting in blank space. Of note are Havok and Polaris fighting for the X-Men, on loan from X-Factor I guess. As a big fan of X-Factor, I’d like to be a total dork and point out that they hadn’t really picked a side in this conflict…but here the two of them are anyway.

During the fight, Scarlet Witch is receiving instructions from Tony Stark, who is back at an even more secretive Avengers’ hidden base. He’s apparently trying to get some data from the fight, because he’s a fancy science guy. Scarlet Witch has to concentrate for Tony’s readings to work, even when she’s under attack from Phoenix Magik.

The art in this issue still rules

Scarlet Witch blasts Magik, and her chaos power defeats the Phoenix power. Phoenix Emma Frost then shows up, angry as all hell. Captain America calls for an evac while Hawkeye – the guy with the bow and arrows – covers their escape. And it works! He’s got an arrow that someone depowers Phoenix Emma Frost! Well, only for a second. Then she gets right back up and burns Hawkeye alive.

The Avengers flee and Tony Stark scolds the Scarlet Witch that he didn’t get the data he needed. She tells him to shut up.

Back at Utopia, Cyclops is using his powers to heal Hawkeye while instructing his team that they’re not to kill anyone. This is a fairly interesting scene, as it clearly shows that Cyclops is completely calm about this whole “No more Avengers” thing. He’s treating them fairly and wants the rest of the PhoeniX-Men to do the same. Magik decides that the Phoenix has come to Earth to purge the evil that is the Scarlet Witch. And Namor cries out that this is war! But Cyclops tells them both to calm the hell down. They’re superheroes, god dammit!

Though I guess Namor isn’t, not really

It’s reassuring to see that Cyclops is keeping a cool head about all of this. Namor’s declaration that “This is war…not some kind of gang brawl” is exactly the kind of thing Namor would say. Consider that all the times Namor tried to wage war on the surface world, he was stopped by superheroes. So fighting superheroes, to him, is a war. But as Cyclops points out, this is just a gang war. It’s the Avengers vs. the X-Men, two superhero teams duking it out, the way superhero teams do. I’m glad to hear that Cyclops isn’t losing perspective and isn’t turning into some megalomaniacal villain. It’s just everyone else on his team that is.

We cut to the Avengers in Wakanda (why have the PhoeniX-Men not looked there?), where Captain America goes to Tony Stark and Black Panther to get answers. I guess the two of them are the only ones trying to figure out a way to stop the Phoenix powers. At one point Captain America calls this the “end of the world”, and again I want to point out that there are NO SIGNS that this is the end of the world! Captain America just flatly refuses to see past his own prejudices. He decided the very moment he learned about the Phoenix that it was evil, and absolutely nothing that happens is going to change his mind.

When Cap leaves, we get the best scene in the entire comic.

Basically Stark and Panther blather on a bit about Phoenix powers and various science mumbo jumbo, before Tony reveals that he’s basically building a new armor that only has a 13% chance of succeeding – and a 100% chance of killing him inside. But since Tony blames himself for the first anti-Phoenix gun he created, he’s willing to make this sacrifice.

Panther doesn’t think so.

What did the five fingers say to the face? SMAK!!

Hells yeah! You tell him, Panther! Even though you’ve apparently completely changed your mind about the PhoeniX-Men since last issue, at least it’s cool to see you slapping Tony Stark. Panther says that Stark trying to shirk his responsibilities by killing himself is as unacceptable as his pathetic 13%. So Panther suggests they look towards a mystical solution, not a scientific one.

Meanwhile, Captain America gives a speech to the rest of the Avengers that they need to buy Tony and Panther more time. Hope Summers has apparently totally jumped ship to the Avengers, and gives them…very little intel on the Phoenix. Basically just that the PhoeniX-Men are afraid of the Scarlet Witch for vague reasons. Sure she can fight back, but that shouldn’t make them afraid of her. Whatever. The solution is for a few female Avengers to wear some magic beads from Dr. Strange that will make them look like the Scarlet Witch, thereby scaring the X-Men a bit.

And thus begins several pages of random, seeming pointless Avengers vs. X-Men fights where the Avengers use the Scarlet Witch beads all at the same time. The PhoeniX-Men quickly realize that Wanda can’t be everywhere at once at the same time, so the ruse fails immediately!

Why are they fighting on a random submarine?

Except on that Avengers submarine in the Pacific Ocean. The real Scarlet Witch is there and she gives Phoenix Namor a really big zap! But what was the point of all this? At least the previous international fights in the earlier issues had points. This time it’s just fighting for fighting’s sake, and the Avengers give up their ruse almost immediately. So why even have that ruse?

Even with the real Wanda, the Avengers take off almost immediately. In all the chaos, one of the teenage X-Men, Transonic, accidentally gets teleported with them. The Avengers take her prisoner! Then Scarlet Witch uses her powers to teleport Phoenix Namor all the way back to Utopia. He’s bothered by such a show of power. He tells Cyclops as such, leading to another scene where Cyclops tells Namor to calm the hell down. They’re winning.

Then we get an odd little statement from Cyclops.

The PhoeniX-Men are polling nicely

So apparently the entire world is absolutely loving what the PhoeniX-Men are doing. It’s a shame that we have to be told this fact instead of shown. We haven’t seen even a little bit of how the people of the world are reacting to all these changes. But the fact that the world loves the X-Men just adds fuel to my rant about how Captain America is being too stubborn for his own good. I guess he’s going to prove to the entire world just how damn right he is!!

Anyway, Namor again tells Cyclops that this isn’t a game, and he storms off claiming that Cyclops would make a terrible ruler. Cyclops makes a sarcastic note of it.

Then there’s a brief scene where Tony Stark discovers the connection between the Phoenix Force and the Scarlet Witch’s chaos magic. But he’s interrupted by the arrival of Iron Fist and the guys from K’un Lun. They’re still somehow connected to the Phoenix, and they plan to take Hope and train her to do something. Tony suggests that everybody go hide in K’un Lun.

Then we get a scene between Namor and Emma Frost that pisses me off. Namor’s still all pissy about getting told off by Cyclops, and Emma comes to him to reveal that she knows where the Avengers are holding the teenage Transonic. And she hasn’t told Cyclops! And the two share a kiss.

HUSSY!!

I have always hated Namor, not for the least of which because he’s always trying to steal the girlfriends of the nicer guys. As a shy, nerdy geek, I identify with guys like Reed Richards and Scott Summers more so than I identify with the studly, arrogant jerks like Namor. It’s why I always wanted Jean Grey to chose Cyclops over Wolverine. So when Namor joined the X-Men, and Marvel rectonned him into having a previous relationship with Emma Frost, I just rolled by eyes. If he’s going to be with the X-Men instead of the Fantastic Four (another thing I dislike), they wanted to give him another woman he’s trying to steal. And time after time, Marvel has had Emma stick by Cyclops. Because the love of a good man wins out over the arrogant cockiness of a jerkass!

So yeah, seeing Emma kiss Namor just pisses me off. It may not mean anything, but the very idea that Emma is finally going to dump Cyclops for Namor just annoys me. It’s just cheap shock value, if anything. I’m just going to write it off as the Phoenix power corrupting Emma.

We cut to the Avengers taking a portal to K’un Lun, making their final preparations. Cap even points out how even through they’re retreating to a magical city in another dimension, he still plans on sending Avengers back to Earth to keep fighting. Because he’s not going to give up, no matter what!

We end with the revelation that Namor has arrived in Wakanda, and he’s brought a tidal wave and the armies of Atlantis with him. Looks like Namor really wants his war!

Namor finally gets to play bigshot

I’ve ranted enough against this issue, so I’ll wrap this review up by pointing out that the cliffhanger isn’t very interesting. It just promises more fight. All this series has been is fighting. I’m not very interested in seeing more. And Namor breaking away from Cyclops just points towards my theory that this series is going to end with the PhoeniX-Men falling apart all on their own. That also does not interest me.

I hope this series can still surprise me. And it has more than enough issues left to do just that.